


That Familiar Stranger

by thEmotioNeeds



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crime, Drama & Romance, F/M, Feels, Like...super slow, M/M, Other, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 80,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thEmotioNeeds/pseuds/thEmotioNeeds
Summary: "Sungjin had so many more questions on what he was doing here, why he was doing it, why he stayed overnight – but for some reason he didn’t want to know. It´s not that he trusted him but there was just something about him, something about the both of them that seemed so familiar and close. And that with a man he had just met two days ago. A man he had even given up his food for. Kang Younghyun - why? "
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K & Park Jaehyung | Jae, Kang Younghyun | Young K & Park Sungjin, Kang Younghyun | Young K/Original Character(s), Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil & Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil/Original Character(s), Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Character(s), Park Sungjin & Original Character(s), Park Sungjin & Yoon Dowoon
Comments: 38
Kudos: 43





	1. PART I - That Familiar Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Whether you're new to my story or not, just a short note for all of you: This story will have two parts as it's very very long. The first part is overall slower and softer, unlike the second part. No worries, I usually speak out warnings at the beginning of each respective chapter if applicable, even though I don't really want to give away any spoilers. Anyways, thanks so much for reading and all the feedback everyone!

_“There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it;_

_and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters...”_

―

Pride and Prejudice

“Thanks for coming, hope to see you again!” Sungjin bowed to the last customer of the day and sighed in relief when he locked the front door at 9pm. It´s not that he didn’t enjoy running his own charity shop, no. Indeed, this charity shop was his life, his everything. Therefore, it had never mattered to him that ever since he started four years ago to have never had a day off - which didn’t mean that he wasn’t looking forward to his daily deserved beer, dinner, TV session and sleep every day. As always Sungjin did the accounting and the cleaning on his own and postponed the restocking to tomorrow morning when he would have help; He might have been working a lot, but he had not completely lost his mind.

Still he urgently needed to find some new volunteers to support his shop, but these days it was rare to find people with the time and willpower to help. Everyone was just so busy and stressed that they seemed to forget about humanity and society. And humanity was imperfect, just as society. And for a large part it seemed as if a certain part of the population had been forgotten. Disregarded. Ignored. He just wished society would care a little more – was that too much to ask for?

When he was about to vacuum clean, he suddenly heard someone knocking the door, but turning around he saw no one. A few minutes later someone knocked again, this time however he found the source in form of a brightly grinning, dark-red-haired young man waving at him happily.

“Hey Wonpil! Come on in, it´s cold outside”, Sungjin grinned and closed the door behind his best friend.

“Sorry, I saw the lights were still on, need any help?”, Wonpil asked, pulled of his dark green coat to place it on the counter and handed Sungjin a hot cup of a cinnamon Latte from the coffee shop next door that he liked so much.

“No, but thanks a lot for this”, Sungjin happily took the hot liquid. “Don´t worry, we will do the restocking tomorrow morning. But another question: did you just knock at my door a few minutes ago?”

“Huh? No? I knocked once but…ah! I saw that good-looking guy walking up and down in front of your shop just before I went into the coffee shop. You know, the one we tend to run into at the coffee shop. A little strange but didn’t think about it further, he looked pretty…indecisive. Maybe it was him?” He threw a questioning look at Sungjin.

“Strange indeed. Yes, I remember him, I think I held the door for him just a couple of days ago. Well, whatever.”

“Never mind. I was on my way home, but how about I grab some beer and dinner and we´ll meet at yours?”

“Wonpil, that sounds great, but could we maybe postpone that? I´m just really tired.”

And it was the pure truth. He always felt sorry after turning down the offer of his best friend, but there were days when he just couldn´t. Then again, this was the third time he-

“Well why not, sounds fun! There is this new series starting that we wanted to watch anyways.”

“Great, see you in 30 then?”

“Sure”, Sungjin smiled at him and watched a super happy Wonpil jumping out of the shop. He just couldn’t have done it again. Wonpil was not only his best friend, but also a big help with this shop. Whenever he had time outside his regular work as a music teacher around the corner he would drop by and help, without receiving anything in return.

Feeling the tiredness in every single of his bones, he locked the door half an hour later and looked for his gloves in his backpack but couldn’t find them. It had gotten very cold lately, not quite unusual for December, but still he forgot them at home every single day. “Great job Sungjin. It´s only 20 minutes home”, Sungjin angrily mumbled to himself, upon which he suddenly saw a shadow moving to his left and almost got a heart attack when a young man with dark hair and a long black coat looked at him straight. Oddly enough, it was indeed the guy Wonpil and Sungjin tend to run into at the coffee shop next door.

“Gosh, you really scared me! Are you out of your mind?!” Sungjin almost shrieked, stumbled backwards over his own feet just to then land in the snow.

“Not as much into horror movies huh?” said main grinned mischievously and held out a hand to help Sungjin up.

“Well, usually yeah since that´s all made up stuff and pretty unrealistic, but you really scared me to death just now.”

“So not very much of a romantic either I guess?”

“Sorry, but you are…?”

“Kang Younghyun, from KP Estate.“

Wait, so that guy Wonpil and him kept on seeing in the coffee shop was no one else than the son of a leading estate company? Unfortunately, a species of human beings he could stand the least out of all.

“Wait, we’ve met before, right? At the coffee shop? You look quite familiar to me.” Actually, he initially would have probably left the conversation right away. He didn’t have the nerve and patience to talk to one of those people, seriously.

“Yeah, I- you held the door for me just the day before yesterday” he now grinned. “Thanks once again.”

But something prevented him from leaving and he didn’t exactly know what it was.

“Uhm, did I?” He clearly remembered, but something told him to be cautious still. “Anyway, I’m Park Sungjin, owner of this charity shop and on his way home. Wait. Were you the one my friend saw walking up and down in front of my shop and then disappearing?”

“Uhm, yes, but that´s irrelevant right now. You´re looking for volunteers, right?”

“Not really sure anymore. Why would _you_ want to work at my charity shop?” Sungjin replied with a slight tone of sarcasm and disregard.

“Hey, wait, I just asked whether you are still looking for volunteers. And according to your sign you still are.”

Before he threw out the next comment Sungjin took a deep breath. It is not that he felt uncomfortable around this man, but it was just _what_ he was. KP Estate? Seriously? Should he be worried? Probably. But up to now he just seemed very nice and…normal.

“Excuse my tone just now, it was a long day. Yeah, I´m still looking for volunteers and I also…really need some. But why would you-“

“Great. Alright.” Younghyun answered with a rather low level of enthusiasm but a fierce gaze towards Sungjin. _Kinda scary,_ Sungjin thought.

“When can you come in? You must be busy if- “, Sungjin attempted to complete his sentence but the other wouldn’t let him.

“When do you open and close? Or what time would you need help?”

“Well, I get to the shop at 7:30 and open at 8:30 and leave completely around 9 to 10 in the evening. Seven days a week so… yeah.”

“Seven days a week?” The other seemed impressed. “I´m still missing help on the weekends, especially early in the morning and evening, and full-day on Sundays, whereas Sundays are rather a special kind of work.”

“Sounds nice. And weekends is when I´m most likely to make time for this anyway.”

“Uhm, alright?” Sungjin grinned without even intending to. He had been looking for weekend help for ages and now that problem seemed solved within just a few seconds? Something was fishy around here and he just couldn’t figure out what. That Kang guy didn’t seem neither too enthusiastic nor too happy, but why else would he ask?

“Come in tomorrow around six or whatever you like, I´m very flexible in that regard. I will make you familiar with everything.”

“Alright, I will try my best to make it in time. By the way, you seemed pretty angry. Do you need a ride home?” As much as Sungjin wanted to say yes, he still didn’t trust him and turned down the offer, unfriendlier than he ought to.

“No, thanks. Anyways. I live just around the corner.”

“You can as well tell me you don’t trust me enough, you need 20 minutes home by foot. But you´re welcome, anyways.” Younghyun turned around to leave but turned back around only a few seconds later. “Park Sungjin!” To his surprise Sungjin now saw a pair of brown gloves being thrown towards him, which he was barely able to catch. But before he was able to say anything, Kang Younghyun had disappeared from his sight already.

“Thank…you.” He mumbled into the dark and on his way home Sungjin tried to figure out what had just happened. Still he was grateful for the gloves at these temperatures, and that despite he had lied to him. Whatever. He shouldn’t care anyways. The shop desperately needed new volunteers and he had been one of only a few interested lately, but that didn’t mean he was trusting him.

_Why would he trust a familiar stranger after all._

When Sungjin reached home, Wonpil was already waiting for him on the sofa with beer and dinner prepared. At moments like these he was glad to have given Wonpil a copy of his keys. “What took you so long, Sungjin? You alright?”, Wonpil turned around and put on a worried face.

“Yeah, it´s just…remember that guy you saw in front of my shop? The one from the coffee shop? Seems like we have him joining our team.”

“Wait, what?” And like that Sungjin told him what happened, leaving back a completely sceptic Wonpil. “I don´t know, I find that all quite strange to be honest.”

“Well, I will see tomorrow. He will come in the evening.”

“So, you will be alone with him?”

“I guess so? Why should that be a problem? You know I´m originally from Busan and we´re pretty strong. It´s not about where I grew up, it´s about birth spirit.” With a wide grin Wonpil threw a pillow at Sungjin which he immediately caught and threw back. “Let´s eat, our food will get cold.”

“Sure, I will just grab us a cold beer.”

The next day at the shop was comparatively busy but he actually hoped it would become less busy soon since that Kang guy was about to come in and he wasn´t too sure how much attention he would need at first. And that other volunteer working with him today, Junpyo, an 18-year-old teenager forced to work here by his mom, didn’t have the best work attitude but what could he do.

“Excuse me, where can I find Mr Park?” He suddenly overheard someone asking Junpyo, who was now working at the counter. “Hey, you! Could you maybe-“ Sungjin then saw that Kang guy wildly gesticulating towards Junpyo to take out his earbuds of which he had told him to take them out around five times already, but his attempts of authority were hopeless.

“Hey, no need to be rude. He should be somewhere over there”, showing towards the direction exactly the opposite of where he was standing.

“There is no one. I will look for him myself. But let me tell you: with this attitude you won´t come far and I guess and deeply hope Mr Park told you to not put earbuds in, that´s disrespectful.

But Junpyo just laughed at him: “Mr Park, tz.”

Even Sungjin almost jumped in shock when that Kang guy suddenly hit on the desk right in front of him. “Take. Them. Out. Please”, he said in a tone that was friendly but as well threatening. And Sungjin couldn’t believe his eyes when he actually did take them out. “Thanks.” Despite of the enjoyment of watching the scene in front of him, Sungjin decided to reveal himself and approached the situation, feeling slightly intimidated.

“Just ask for Sungjin next time, Mr Park sounds rather odd in this environment.”

“Oh well, can imagine that very well after having met him”, pointing at Junpyo. That sarcasm in his voice hit. “Well, call me Younghyun then.”

Sungjin led him to a staff room and office right behind the stocking room which was, even Sungjin admitted, a pure chaos; but stuff, majorly clothes and electronics and books went out for sale anyways and hence he didn´t see a proper reason behind sorting everything. Sungjin could read in his face what he was thinking right now. “I don´t think this chaos is efficient.”

_Say what._

“Do you have to say everything you think?” Sungjin told him in a sarcastic tone. “Okay, so this is the staff room where we usually take breaks, IF we take breaks, which is rarely the case. Up the stairs towards your right there is a toilet. The room we just went through was the stocking room as you might have noticed and else…put your coat where you find space. There are also hangers if you don´t want to get it dir-“ But he had already thrown his jacket on the desk chair next to him revealing his complete outfit. Sungjin was more than surprised to see him wearing a basic yellow hoodie.

“Something´s on my shirt or why do you keep staring?”

“No…no. Uhm alright, so here is your T-shirt and your sweatshirt jacket.” Sungjin handed him the same light blue shirt and dark blue jacket he was wearing and hoped he had the right size. “You don’t have to wear the jacket, just thought it might be cold during winter, even in here.”

Suddenly he saw the younger smiling slightly, thanked him, and pulled of his sweater right in front of him. Wait, he what? After felt hours Sungjin was able to take off his eyes and pretended to do something else which must have looked completely idiotic and didn’t keep unnoticed.

“Don´t worry, this body is used to stares like yours.”

“Tz.” That was the only thing Sungjin was able to say, his head as bright red as it could possibly be. “I- I was just surprised because we usually do have changing rooms plus, customers could drop by.”

“Say what. With that Junpyo at the counter desk, what do you have to lose huh?”, he grinned with overflowing sarcasm and put on the jacket. “This is nice.”

“True.” Sungjin grinned unwillingly. “Right? It´s pretty comfy. Okay, I will show you everything. We only have around two hours until we close anyways so there aren’t as many customers – I hope. Did you ever work in a position like this?”

“Of course.” The other replied with a tone of disbelief. Sungjin didn’t want to sound rude but that kid had probably never worked properly in his whole rich boy life.

“I know what you´re thinking. And I don´t care. Because I think you´re wrong.” Instead of answering Sungjin remained silent, which might have sounded like a confession. Maybe he should simply say what he was thinking immediately to save himself from further embarrassment.

“Okay, so basically your tasks during the regular working hours include helping out customers, working at the counter, accepting donations, restocking when necessary and keeping the shop neat and tidy.”

“Well, for last said the shop should look neat and tidy first.”

“Do you REALLY need to speak out everything you think.”

“Yeap, not my problem if you´re afraid of the truth.”

Instead of now saying anything, Sungjin decided to keep quiet. As long as he was nice and sensitive towards customers everything was fine. Sungjin was about to say something else when he noticed that he was alone and saw the other talking to a female customer in her mid-40s, holding up some clothes in front of the mirror. _Oh oh_. But before he could prevent the unformidable from happening it was too late.

“No, not that one. That doesn´t suit you, madam.” He didn´t just say that. “This-“, he picked out another shirt from the stand and held it in front of her so she could look at it in the mirror, “suits your skin tone much better and doesn’t make you look as pale as the other one.”

Sungjin took a deep breath and waited for what was happening next. To his surprise, the woman, a loyal long-time customer even, started smiling. “You´re right! Thank you a lot, …?”

“Younghyun, I´m new here” he bowed to her.

“Nice to meet you Younghyun. I´m sure Sungjin is glad to have you here. Ah, there he is!” She waved him over and so, Sungjin didn’t have any other choice then joining the two.

“Oh I´m sure he is more than happy”, Younghyun replied with a wide grin and a touch of sarcasm, and so did Sungjin. “Well, you were his first customer. Still too early to say that.”

“Anyway, I´m just saying. Have a good evening you two, I will try this on” and she left.

“Anyways”, Sungjin continued,” back to our talk.”

“Sure.”

“So. Before and after closing hours you will help me with sorting out old goods, put in new ones, do the cleaning and finally, the accounting. Probably what you´re best at. And on Sunday´s I usually leave the shop alone with my best friend and do…something else. But that´s for tomorrow.”

“Sungjin, I need to leave now, see you next week then!”

“Wait, Junpyo! We agreed on-“ But he was already gone, giving that Kang guy the perfect opportunity for a sharp comment. “Sorry to say that, but I really don’t like that guy.”

“Junpyo is a nice guy, really. But yes, his work attitude and manners are quite…non-existent.”

“As well as your authority you mean.” Would someone come and look for him and if he killed him right on the spot? Probably. Did he care? Right now, no. Sungjin took a deep breath, pressed his lips together and tried his best not to give the other a death glare.

“Sorry for the second. As for the first, don´t judge me. I can´t stand people with this kind of attitude towards work and respect towards people who are trying their best to work hard, seriously.”

“Okay. Tell him that next time, alright? We´ve got no time to lose.”

“That´s what I mean I mean" Younghyun now clapped his hands enthusiastically. Sungjin further explained him his tasks and was actually not very surprised when he knew how to use the cash machine after being explained only once. “Oh, and if you need me while I´m in the back, ring that bell. But only if you really need me, otherwise I won´t get any work done in the back.”

“Alright. Cool.” And during the next hour Sungjin had to admit he did a great job, and he didn’t really have anything to criticize. Still he couldn’t quite read Younghyun. What were his real intentions of working here? Was it just because he wanted to help? He couldn’t believe that. At all. But right now, he was just glad about being helped. Properly. But he would never admit that openly.

“Hey, Sungjin!” His best friend now greeted him. “Where is Mr Mysterious?” He now whispered and let his eyes wander around the room until he spotted him. “Wait, you´re sure that´s him?”

“Uhm, yeah, why?” 

“Can I say something? He looks very…friendly indeed” he coughed, now turning towards Sungjin. “I wonder what´s hidden under these layers of fabric, my friend.” Sungjin wanted to reply but couldn’t get a word out until the younger appeared right behind them.

“Oh, he knows too well already” he smirked, looking at both of them and went to open the door for an elderly man leaving the shop. Sungjin felt his face turning bright red, not knowing whether out of embarrassment or anger. How could a person be this annoying.

“Sungjin, don´t tell me- seriously?” Looking at Wonpil´s excited yet shocked face, Sungjin immediately went into defence mode and tried to explain but that was harder than expected, and so he tried to lead the conversation in a completely different direction. “I still think something doesn’t add up.”

“Sungjin, listen. Maybe you´re just too prejudiced. Like Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice.”

“Wait. Did you actually ever read that book or watch that movie? Like I asked you to?”

“Uhm, nope. Just because it´s one of your favourites that doesn’t mean I am forced to.”

“Yah. Don´t worry, I´ll forgive you. Just like that.”

“Thanks a lot, I really appreciate that.” And both of them burst out in laughter.

“I thought we had work to do huh?” the younger frowned from behind.

“I am talking to my best friend and it´s not busy at all and also, I am your boss. So, my shop, my rules.”

“As long as you´re not talking about me? Oh, wait. I don´t care. Go on, continue” the other said with a tone Sungjin couldn’t quite read through.

“Well, good luck with him, I´ve still got some tests waiting to be marked and a glass of wine. Or a cold beer. What should I do…” Wonpil sing sang giving Sungjin faked over worried face.

“You know I really hate you sometimes.”

“Well, as much as you love me then.”

Sungjin felt a judging stare resting at them from afar, which kind of motivated him to further continue, but Wonpil gave Sungjin a short “See ya” and left the shop. And Sungjin. Alone with Kang Younghyun. What a great Friday night. Luckily, the clock was almost striking eight so that after five more minutes Sungjin locked the shop.

“Alright” Sungjin almost shouted cheerfully and loudly clapping his hands, “Let´s finish this up quickly.”

“Sure. Let me guess: I do the cleaning and you do the accounting?”

“Good guess. Since you´re not familiar with my accounting system I will do it, I can show you by time. I guess you´re more familiar with accounting than-“

“Cleaning?”, the slightly taller laughed sarcastically, “whatever, I will do what you´re saying. And we will be faster.”

“As if you could read my mind.” Instead of answering anything Younghyun pressed his lips together and locked his arms in front of his chest. “Show me everything and I´ll start.”

As soon as the accounting was done in the back Sungjin was about to get up to put everything back in place when he suddenly heard someone putting back the cleaning utilities right behind him. Wait, he couldn’t be done, he himself would need at least double of the time, even with Wonpil it took much longer.

“Anything else?” How much did Sungjin wish to be that motivated after finishing the cleaning in the evening. He must admit he was impressed, even if he hadn’t checked the quality of his work.

“Check if you want, I did a proper job. You should not forget to dust the displays and windows, just an advice.”

“Thank…you. No, you…you did a good job” Sungjin had to admit, after he had a look at the store, that it had never been this clean; he had even dusted the shelves and just everything else that hadn’t been cleaned in days.

“In the end, you don’t necessarily clean for yourself but for the customers. A clean shop looks way more appealing and finally adds up to the value and experience for the customer.”

“Thanks…again, I guess.”

“You´re welcome.”

“Now only the rest-“

Sungjin almost shrieked when he heard some heavily knocking at the door all of a sudden.”

“GOD damn, who is this again. I swear to god, the next person scaring me to death is dead. And before you comment on the logic of this comment, keep it to yourself.” But instead of saying anything, the younger had a shocked look on his face and hastily looked at his phone while Sungjin wanted to check who had almost smashed his door. He saw a guy with slightly curly dark brown hair and a dark red coat looking at Younghyun and pointing towards his arm watch, panic written all over his face.

Somehow he looked very, very familiar to Sungjin, so that he hastily ran to unlock the door to let said man in and save him from the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, thanks so much for reading until now!
> 
> While reading please keep in mind that I am neither a Real Estate major nor an expert for laws& regulations, I'm solely studying International Business. Though I'm trying my best, I'm very sorry if there is anything wrong; if that's the case you can also tell me and I will change it if neccessary~
> 
> Also a warning ahead, this story is gonna be long. VERY long. Still I hope you will enjoy and I'm happy about any comment! Also, I did not apply any warnings but I will give them at the beginning of each respective chapter if neccessary. For now I hope you will enjoy reading and stay healthy everyone!


	2. (Un)faithful

“Thanks so much, it´s freezing cold outside” he now closed the door behind him and sighed in relief. “Younghyun, we are quite late, your stepbrother sent me.” It was quite fascinating to hear that Kang Younghyun was seemingly calling his employees by their first name and even more surprisingly, the other way around.

But something seemed strange to Sungjin; that voice, that deep voice with that unmistakable Busan accent, it sounded very familiar. Suddenly the other man looked at Sungjin and seemed to hesitate for a moment until his face lit up. “Sungjin!!”, he suddenly ran towards him and hugged him happily, while Younghyun watched the scene in front of him in disbelief. Still shook, Sungjin took a step back and tried to recall that face and voi-

“Dowoonie!” He couldn’t believe it was really him, he had changed so much. “God, Dowoon, I am so sorry, how have you been?” A wide grin was set on both of their faces. 

“I don’t want to interrupt anyone over here but before I freak out because we´re late, how do you guys know each other?”

“How?” Still having his arms around Sungjin, Dowoon started to explain. “Well, I am not sure whether you would throw me out if you knew.” In surprise, Sungjin wanted to start explaining, but Dowoon covered his mouth hastily before he could even start. Dowoon. Yoon Dowoon. That rascal from the street that couldn’t keep a job for more than a week, was standing right here in front of him in formal clothes and looking as good as never before. When had he seen him for the last time, five years ago maybe?

The first time he had met him was when he was volunteering for a youth centre in the city centre, and there had just been something about Dowoon that made him so lovable and Sungjin wanting to help him out of his misery. His family circumstances and the way he grew up had led him to his negative attitude towards work and society and he was glad he was able to help him out of it. And surprisingly, at that time, Dowoon was only 15 years old and Sungjin 19. At some point Dowoon decided to continue with school in Busan and Sungjin went his own path and opened this shop. And right now, it just made him so proud seeing him like that.

“EVERYONE.” Younghyun suddenly almost screamed.

“Calm down first, what is it?” Sungjin tried to stay calm, but the other two acted like two terriers on Ritalin. “I forgot this whole dinner, okay? And also, my suit!”

Wow. Great, he seemingly was the only calm one here thinking straight right now. “Well, this is still a shop that is also selling clothes.” Sungjin immediately got horrified looks from both of them. 

“This is a dinner with the mayor and I FUCKING FORGOT IT.” _Wow. Who knew he could swear_ Sungjin thought grinning to himself.

“Okay, okay, before anyone faints or dies from hyperventilation, heart attacks, whatever, I do have a suit…at my flat. “

“…which is like twenty minutes by foot.”

“What´s the restaurant called?”

“It´s in Gangnam, not too far.”

“It´s not too far from my flat then, it´s not Gangnam but on the way there.”

“Really??”

“It´s neither big nor fancy, I was just lucky that old lady likes me that much.”

“Okay, that´s for later. I can´t believe I am asking this, but would you mind lending me yours? If we hurry now?”

Sungjin hurried to turn off all the lights and found himself at the backseat of a black Audi SUV, probably the fanciest car he had ever sat in, on his way to his flat. Not to be that stereotype of a man, but he would love to sit at that driver’s seat for once, just for once - but reviewing his current situation and possible future outlook, his chances of getting a car like this were literally zero.

Only ten minutes later Sungjin led the two of them through a dark hallway up to his flat on the third floor. The look on both of their faces when they entered his flat was still priceless. Unlike the SUV, indeed, his flat was everything but spacious or modern; it had a tiny kitchen in the right corner next to the entrance door of the living room, a small yellow old sofa, with a small couch table, some pictures at the wall, an old bookshelf with a wide selection of all his books and one of the older TV´s and a CD player and some plants. The floor was wooden and old but still pretty, the walls painted plain white and at least the curtains fit the sofa. Same for his bedroom; Same style but barely enough for a bed opposite side of the window and a small wardrobe. It was not perfect, but it was cosy, clean and he felt comfortable here.

Sungjin could swear he saw Younghyun’s eyes lighting up when he seemed to notice a guitar next to Sungjin’s bed. He opened his wardrobe and pulled out a black suit covered in foil and handed it to the younger.

“Don´t worry, it came in new and I didn’t even try it on yet.”

But he didn’t even seem to listen to him, already pulled of his clothes and- wait. His clothes. Kang Younghyun who stepped into his life just yesterday, was standing in his bedroom almost completely naked.

“So, what´s this dinner all about again?” Sungjin asked to distract, not even sure whom, and rushed to look for a tie he still had somewhere hidden deep in his closet. When he found it, he had at least put on a shirt. Looking at him, Sungjin felt a little bad and guilty since his body must have looked a little chubby next to the youngers´. It’s not that Younghyuns body was excessively trained or anything, but it just looked…healthy. Which spoken out loud might have not sounded like a compliment in any way, but it was true. But no use to complain anyhow, since it was his own, deliberate fault. And also, he didn’t really care. He was still healthy, wasn’t he? Plus, the fact that his clothes fit Younghyun quite well spoke for itself.

“Okay, done? Wait, shoes!”

“Here.” Sungjin handed him a pair of black shoes. “Should be of a similar size.”

“Okay how do I look?” Younghyun asked with a slight trace of panic on his face. Sungjin hesitated for a moment but he couldn’t help it. “Wait. Tie.” Younghyun took it and put it around his neck but then hesitated. “Dowoon…?” But Dowoon just shook his head hastily. “Nope.” And then he turned towards Sungjin. Chuckling and rolling his eyes he now turned towards Younghyun and neatly bound his tie, feeling Younghyun´s eyes resting on him all the time.

“Done.”

“How do I look?”

“You-“

“What a question, great of course, Dowoon, we really need to leave. We´ve got ten minutes to go.” How could he- Younghyun was about to leave when he came back and bowed to Sungjin. “Thanks so so much, I will bring it back tomorrow!”

And him and Dowoon were gone.

“-look great.” Good thing he hadn’t heard that anymore. Even though he meant every word.

**

Younghyun had never been this stressed in his entire life. But his stepbrother would kill him if he was late. Understandable. Especially since it was only the two of them, without their parents.

“Younghyun, where the hell were you??”

“Good to see you too, Jae.”

“Sorry, but I was very worried” the elder dark-haired said in a not too convincing way and now adjusted his shirt.

“If you would eat a little more you wouldn’t have to adjust your clothes as often.

“And if you wouldn’t eat as much, your face wouldn’t look as puffy these days.”

But Younghyun just shrugged his shoulders. He had probably gained some weight but if there was one thing he loved, it was food, and a few extra kilograms didn’t hurt anybody.

“I´m fine. My body is still being looked at – not out of shame but probably admiration” he now winked, clearly remembering Sungjin’s eyes resting on him whenever he had been changing his clothes today. A tiny, unwilling chuckle escaped Younghyun, because it’s not that the elder had been hiding it well in any way.

“You´re unbelievable. But at least you brought your suit.”

“It´s not-“

“Oh, he´s here! Okay, we will stick to the initial plan, no improvisation. And if you don’t feel like it, please leave.” The good old Jae. It would have surprised Younghyun if Jae had said anything else. He couldn’t deny that it sometimes hurt that his elder brother thought he was incapable and not suitable for the business of his father, and now, legally, also his stepmothers´, whereas in reality, Jae simply didn’t like his way of thinking and attitude towards certain things.

“Don´t worry, I won´t interfere with anything alright? And you know mom and dad want us to go together. Mayor Kim, nice to meet you, I´m Kang Younghyun, this is my brother Park Jaehyung”, Younghyun now bowed to an elderly charismatic man in a black suit approaching them, followed by Jae, accepting his bow with a smile. “Nice to meet you too, shall we go in?”

The whole evening went by surprisingly quickly and major Kim was actually a very enjoyable person with lots of humour and stories to tell. Enjoyable at least until Jae started to talk about the next outstanding project.

“So, about the Seocho project, what do you think about it, mayor Kim?”

“Well, Mr Park, I had a look at the portfolio and to be honest, it would suit the diversification of that area very well. Especially since an existing culture centre in the North of Seoul has been closed and a proper shopping mall does not exist in that area. Since the Seocho project would incorporate both it would enhance and attract tourists further to the South of the city. But I see a problem in the planning process since the building is old, it needs to be demolished and there is not enough space, so there is one stakeholder that might make problems?” He now looked at both brothers, seemingly waiting for an answer.

As much as Younghyun respected the orders of his stepbrother, he stepped forward before Jae could even answer.

“Well, in all honestly major Kim, that _stakeholder_ doesn’t seem to know yet.” He knew what he had said when Jae kicked him under the table.

“This is news, especially since the other competing estate company, Estate Royale, seems to have approval already. So, by now, I am very convinced KP estate would fulfil this project to the council´s expectations very well, but Estate Royale has also proposed a very confident project proposal. The final decision on which company will carry out this project will be made on the 30th of February, by handing in a full project portfolio plus a final meeting with all stakeholders. But please know I highly admire honesty.” While saying last he gave a confirming look towards Younghyun.

Jae, seemingly nervous, now took the word. “But Mr Kang is taking care of that _problem_ at the moment, so we are of course confident.” The mayor nodded confidently in agreement and declared he had to leave, leaving Younghyun and Jae alone.

“Seriously? Younghyun, what did I tell you!”

“Honestly? It was hard for me to hold in, really. And I _, I_ , am taking care of the problem? No, thank you. And he values honesty, you heard it! So where is the problem. Lying would have made things even worse.”

“Well, then I will do it.”

“No! Then, nevermind, I will do it. By the way, you know that the stakeholder is a charity shop owner.”

“Yes, I know very well. But we would offer him an alternative and that´s it. You take care of it.”

 _This is bad_ Younghyun thought but kept on acting confidently in front of the elder and was more than glad when Jae declared he had to go back home. He hadn’t told his elder brother about Sungjin, that he went there without his permission. In fact, Younghyun wasn’t a big fan of forcedly or unwillingly kicking out people out of their estates, just because they were in need of it. Him going there was against anything Jae believed in, whereas Younghyun himself just wanted to evaluate the whole situation. He hadn’t lied to the elder when he applied for the job, he might have just not told him the entire truth. If he would have just barged in, saying they would love to buy the shop, he would have never hired him in the first place or even talked to him.

It was almost eleven, but still he decided to take a walk home. He loved walking through the streets of Seoul at night – it was peaceful, more or less quiet depending on the time, and even though it was cold and snowing the air was nice. As usual, he would finally arrive at his favourite spot at Han river, close to the Banpo bridge. The view was great and around midnight it was pretty empty. Time seemed to stop for a moment, and the lights made everything feel being far away and allowed him to disappear for a second. Usually he would order some food, get some Ramen or just a beer – mostly alone or with his guitar, rarely with friends from university, if they could be called friends after all.

His thoughts were interrupted when a bickering couple went by in the distance and Younghyun was sure he knew the guy, his red hair being unmistakable. It could only have been Sungjin´s friend, what was his name again? Wonpil? Especially his unique high-pitched laugh had been clearly stoned on Younghyun´s mind. The last thing he saw in the distance was him giving that girl a kiss, which actually was to Younghyun´s surprise. He really thought Wonpil seemed primarily attracted, not to sound rude, to his own kind. Either way, he seemed very kind, just like Sungjin himself and he could clearly see they were best friends, and especially why. As much as he had teased them, he was jealous to have a good friend like that. To be honest, the last good friend he had was in elementary school, until his family had decided to move to the States. Eventually, that was around the same time Younghyun had also seen his mom for the last time and on that day, he had not only lost his best friend, but also his mother. Ever since he had felt lonely to death, even though he loved his father a lot. He had always liked his new family, despite of differences, but still he felt lonely and when it came to finding new friends, he had given up on any further attempts.

When he put his hands into his pockets to look for his phone, he suddenly felt a key which was definitely not his. Great, it must have been Sungjin’s, however it got there. But now that also meant that he had to be at the shop around eight. Great. With that in mind Younghyun took a deep breath, turned around and left the far lights of this silent winter night behind.

**

After a terrible night of sleep, and after his neighbours had decided to celebrate their Friday night as if it was their last, Sungjin somehow managed to leave his cosy bed at six in the morning. The worst was that they had his agreement, but little did he know it would turn out this noisy.

_Just one night, Sungjin, you’ve mastered worse._

For the day to start even better, he couldn’t even find his keys so that he had to use his copy. If he couldn’t find it at the shop, he would have to call the police probably.

However, when he arrived half asleep, something felt strange, different, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. The door was locked as usual, lights turned off, but that was the only thing that was normal this morning. The whole shop just- something was different. When he opened the door to the stock room, Sungjin was surprised the light was still turned on, also in the staffroom. Had he really been that reluctant yesterday? No, never. He always checked everything thrice before leaving, so he was quite certain this was unnatural. Confused, he went into the office and put his jacket over the stair ceiling, but when he turned around, Sungjin almost screamed out of shock. There he had his reason in form of a sleeping 24-year-old in his yellow sweater with his head resting on his arms on the desk in front of the computer and snoring lightly. What was he even doing here? Sungjin was clueless and really wanted to wake him up, but seeing him there sleeping peacefully without being able to open his mouth to communicate was wonderful. Then the question: How did he get the keys? Why was he sleeping here and not at home? So, the overall question was: why. But despite of his unanswered questions he couldn’t get himself to wake him for some reason. Instead, since it seemed like the heating wasn’t turned on, Sungjin first covered him with his jacket from yesterday, then also put Younghyun´s coat, and lastly his very own coat to make sure he wasn’t freezing.

“What. The. Hell. Sungjin.” Wonpil suddenly grinned from behind in pure disbelief.

“WHY does everyone keep scaring me to death huh?” Sungjin whispered, closed the door to the office, and dragged Wonpil back into the shop.

“I can´t explain.”

“Me neither, Sungjin. Why- and did you like…redecorate and reorganize the whole shop?”

Now that the light was turned on Sungjin knew why it looked so different. All the shelfs and stands had a different position, clothes seemed to have been sorted by use. Even Accessories had been sorted, put on mannequins, put into boxes. Everything in general wasn’t as packed. Even the CD´s, DVD´s and books were sorted, and a new shelf had found its way on the wall as well.

“Even the windows, it looks great, Sungjin. And if I add 1 and 1, and there is no way you could have done this-“

“Hey, watch what you´re saying.”

“Sorry, but it’s true. WHATEVER, the only possibility is that he did all of this tonight. However he got in. Wow, this is so strange. Seriously.”

Sungjin didn’t know what to think or say anymore. His best friend was right: this was strange. And Wonpil didn’t even know about what had happened yesterday.

“We should start restocking. If that´s still necessary. Because it looks like we don’t which is great. Wow. Still, shouldn’t I be angry that he did this without my permission? And he even had my keys, but-“

“Somehow you can´t be angry?”

“Yeah. Look. He comes in as the son of a leading Estate company, a type I massively dislike for certain reasons as you know, starts working, gives annoying comments, takes my keys and enters the first night without my permission. He even borrowed my suit and entered my personal home.”

“And he is good with customers, hard-working and works diligently. And he is good-looking, and honest-“

“Could you just stop right there, Wonpil. Please. If you find him that great, ask him out.”

Instead of a snippy comment, Wonpil simply shrugged his shoulders: “Maybe.”

“THAT WAS SARCASM.”

“I know.”

“Wow. I feel like killing you.”

“Wow, you look great today, Sungjin, do you know that?”

“I look shitty. I didn’t even sleep for two hours.”

“You never believe me when I´m saying it, so I keep on doing it.” Wonpil now almost cried out, crossing his arms. Sungjin sometimes felt sorry towards the younger whenever Wonpil made him compliments, but as well he knew it was just to make him feel better about himself, and wasn’t as true as Wonpil claimed.

“And I´m thankful for it. But you know as well as me that-“

“Shut up, alright? I´m serious. I hope you will recognize that someday. By the way, what did you just say with borrowing your suit and your flat?”

All of Sungjin´s hopes that he had overheard that disappeared and he couldn’t do anything else than to tell what happened yesterday. To not dig any deeper, he added: “By the way, Dowoon was with him, do you remember him?” Wonpil´s eyes now lit up immediately upon saying his name. Back then he sometimes went out with Dowoon or just strolled around with him in the city and there were times, Wonpil and him had been together almost 24/7 so it was self-evident that Wonpil got to know him step by step as well, to a point when they were even doing things together on their own when he had been working.

“Yeah, of course I do. Great guy. The more it surprises me that he works for _him_. Ah, what a small world! But this is great, I hope he will come over or we could meet up, does he?”

“I guess so. Everything was…so hectic yesterday.”

“Don’t want to talk about it?” Wonpil now grinned who probably exactly knew Sungjin was avoiding what had happened yesterday.

“Sungjin, can I say something? Your life reminds me of one of those cliché dramas right now. And seems like it won´t ever stop.”

“Thanks, Wonpil, I´m feeling much better right now.”

“Sungjin, you´re a very complicated person.”

“Whatever, let´s hurry, we´ve been taking up way too much time.”

Half an hour later Wonpil had left for work and Junpyo came in. Not the best help, but better than nothing to be honest. Especially since the weather had gotten worse lately and it had started snowing unusually early this year, not many customers came in – bad for his profits but at least he could take breaks in between. Around 1pm he decided to grab some lunch and eventually came back to the shop with three portions of Kimchi stew, upon which Junpyo´s eyes lit up.

“You seriously bought lunch? Thanks, so much boss!”

“Who said I bought it for you huh?”

“Well, you´ve got three portions and it’s just you and me so don’t be this stingy. And hey, I could also just quit and-“

“That´s extortion. Honestly.”

“Whatever, I´m at advantage right here.”

“Woah, maybe I should just let you go” Sungjin now moaned and put one portion on the cashier desk. “But hurry alright?”

“Thanks so much, boss.”

That faked appreciation. Sungjin really wanted him to quit but at this very moment he didn’t have any other choice than to keep him. At least he was willing to help after all. Usually Sungjin would eat at least two portions of just anything so maybe he just would have to skip the wake Younghyun part and eat up all by himself quickly. Sungjin wasn’t joking when it came to food. Never. But as soon as he entered the room, Younghyun still snoring peacefully and quietly, Sungjin put both dishes on the desk, since there was no table, next to Younghyun. He couldn’t just eat it all by himself. As much as he would like to. Before he could make any attempt to wake the younger, Younghyun started sniffing with his nose and mumbled something close to “Oh I smell something delicious” with a soft smile now covering his face, his eyes still closed. As much as it seemed like he was awake, he started snoring again, and Sungjin couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight in front of him.

“Younghyun, you´re food is getting cold” he now said in a harsh tone. “Younghyun, wake up time.”

“Wait, food??” Younghyun immediately sat straight, still that confused look on his face. “Gosh, I must have fallen asleep what time is it??”

“Around one I guess?”

“WHAT?? Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”

“Wait, what?”

“No, sorry I- it´s too late anyways” he now sighed and put his attention towards the Kimchi stew: “You really bought that for me?”

“Well, originally it was for Junpyo, but you know how he can be towards me so I´m giving it to you.” Sungjin did his very best to sound as unimpressed as possible and continued eating as before. But before he could say anything further, he only saw the back of Younghyun disappearing through the door. Scared of what was coming next, Sungjin followed and only saw Younghyun started speaking angrily at Junpyo. “Who are you to not show some respect and reject the lu-“

“What´s your problem, man” Junpyo now answered, his mouth stuffed with rice. “I had to beg him to give it to me. And also, where are you coming from huh?”

Sungjin hastily ran back just to sit down and act as if nothing had happened when Younghyun returned with an unidentifiable expression written on his face. “You could have just said that you bought it for me. I´m really grateful and appreciate it a lot. But you know that I will always remind you of this” he said, now changing his expression from a serious one to a mischievous grin. Sungjin wanted to disappear and never come back and couldn’t even blame Younghyun for anything – well, potentially he could blame him for everything, but he was not really in the mood to say anything. But surprisingly the younger was the first to break the ice.

“You bought an extra portion of rice. That´s my spirit. But honestly, next time buy at least three.”

“Well, I had three portions planned but…Junpyo came in and-“

“You had no guts as a boss to say no and tell him to work for incentives.”

  
“…yeap.”

“Honestly, I will buy a rice cooker, why don’t you have one?”

“I do have a budget for the shop and my personal income isn’t enough.” Upon saying that, Younghyun raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“Your income is pretty okay, well, underpaid I would say but still. A rice cooker shouldn’t be a problem.”

“In your world it might not, you could just go into the next store and buy ten of them-“

“Well, I guess a little more than that.”

“See, you wouldn’t understand if I said this at all. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up early in the morning and work all day until late just to get back the next day early in the morning. I mean I love my job, but it´s still stressful.”

“Of course, I´m the one who doesn’t understand. I´m that rich boy that was born into a rich family and never had to do anything in his life at all. You barely know me so you can’t know. So please don’t assume things that aren’t true. Sungjin, did you ever watch Pride and Prejudice?”

“Yes. And I read it too.” Sungjin had to admit that his heart was almost exploding and his blood pressure at record levels since he wasn’t sure whether it was a great idea to discuss with this man – as for the current outlook it seemed as if he would be loosing this discussion anyway. Still, Younghyun should know what Sungjin was thinking and there was nothing wrong in having an own opinion to defend. Not that he was impressed that Younghyun actually knew Pride and Prejudice but he kind of was. For some reason however, Younghyun breathed in deeply to calm down and continued.

“What-ever, _Elizabeth_ ”, with extra stress on the Elizabeth.

“Whatever, _Mr. Darcy_ ” Sungjin now countered with a wide grin. Also, Younghyun now grinned widely and ate his last spoon of rice.

“Here, let´s share the last portion.” Sungjin now put the extra portion on the table to share it with the other, against his very own principles.

“Thank you, by the way. For…you know. Cleaning and stuff. Why did you do it anyway? And the keys? You know I should be angry but somehow-“

“Sorry for entering without your permission. You should have all right to kick me out. But honestly, I found the keys in my jacket, promised. And, I…I don’t know. I was walking around, and it kind of led me here.”

“Good point, if I ever intend to I will use this back as an excuse to just kick you out. How was your dinner by the way?”

Younghyun now seemed to hesitate for a moment and looked down silently to take the next bite. “Good, very good.”

Sungjin had so many more questions; on what he was doing here, why he was doing it, why he stayed overnight – but for some reason he didn’t want to know, he simply didn’t want to know. It´s not that he trusted him but there was just something about him, something about the both of them, that felt so familiar and close, and he wasn’t willing to give that feeling up yet, despite being very much aware that he was running into the risk of getting hurt or disappointed. And that with a man he had just met two days ago. A man he had even given up his food for. Kang Younghyun - _why_?

“Go home and rest if you want, I´ll get on alone.”

“It´s Saturday. And I slept pretty well. And I missed my courses already so I´m fine.”

_Wait. Did he just say courses? He wasn’t still studying, wasn’t he?_

“I know what you´re thinking, I´m still studying.”

“Like I said, go home and rest. Sorry for not waking you up.”

“No, don’t worry. Nothing can beat a good sleep. Honestly. Sleeping is great.”

“Not as great as food.”

“Nothing is as great than eating yourself to death and then go to sleep for at least 24 hours.”

“Perfect.” Sungjin now answered with a grin. “But not now since we should get back to work. Junpyo has been awfully quiet.”

“That´s also very, very true.”

As always, Junpyo left around 6pm in the evening, so that Sungjin was left alone with Younghyun and later with Wonpil – a dangerous combination.

“How is Mr Mysterious doing? After you put him to sleep comfortablyyy” Wonpil whispered while the two of them were secretly watching Younghyun working at the counter.

“Come on Sungjin, he is attractive.”

“Not- not at all. Anyways, even if he was, why would it matter to me, huh?”

“Sungjin, Sungjin, Sungjin” Wonpil started while laying an arm around him. “We all need a little love from time to time.”

“My love is work. And I…already had a date this year. Remember that woman who always came in with the short hair?”

“As you said. CAME in. Seemed like it didn’t go too well.”

“Wonpil, I´m solo and I´m pretty happy with that. Also, I´m more into the opposite sex.”

“Aren´t we all a little homo?”

Sungjin only sighed, “What about you? When was your last date? Huh?”

“Well, a long time ago, but we´re taking about you right now.”

“Liar”, a familiar voice barged in from behind, noticing that Younghyun had left the counter to put some products back into the shelfs. Did he just call his best friend a liar?

“Are you out of your mind??” Sungjin was devastated.

“What! I saw him yesterday at Han River, walking with a girl, all kissy and cuddly.”

“Wonpil, is that true??” Sungjin just couldn’t believe it so that he now approached Wonpil.

“He must have seen wrongly. Really.”

“Not to hurt in any way. But your hair and voice are pretty significant.”

“I know, but it wasn’t me, I swear.” Wonpil finally defended himself with a fierce voice.

“See, Younghyun, no need to call him a liar”, Sungjin protected his friend who now seemed kind of uncomfortable with the situation. It was out of his imagination that he went out on a date late night at Han River without even telling him. Then again, it was indeed impossible to mistake him for someone else. Even if Wonpil wouldn’t have told him up to now, now that Younghyun had apparently seen him he would have never lied to his face, never. There was no reason for him to not believe his best friend.

“Of course.” Younghyun grinned sarcastically, “Whatever”, and went back to the counter desk. Why was he that annoying? It was one thing to give sharp comments towards Sungjin, but not towards those around him, well, except for Junpyo of course. To avoid any tension and clashes Sungjin ordered Wonpil to work in the back with him and Younghyun to work in the front. Still, whenever Younghyun came in for any reason, Sungjin couldn’t neglect the angry looks Younghyun was directing at Wonpil. Sungjin could have said something but he was too tired to start a fight or discussion on a Saturday night. This went as far that Wonpil decided to leave at some time around 8:30pm after the restocking was done, and Younghyun almost finished cleaning.

“See you later?” Sungjin asked enthusiastically but Wonpil just shook his head. “Sorry Sungjin, I´m going out with colleagues tonight, forgot? I will text you as soon as we´re finished and come over?”

“Wait, you´re not just using this as an excuse because of Younghyun?”

“Also that, yeah. But I will also meet my colleagues around nine around Hyehwa, so I really need to catch the next bus.”

“Sorry, you already told me, have fun then! And sorry for…you know.” But Wonpil just smiled. “Don’t worry, it´s not your fault. And thanks! You…too” he now grinned sarcastically while directing his gaze towards Younghyun.

“Thanks.”

Damn it. Sungjin had forgotten Wonpil was going out with his colleagues this Saturday and he couldn’t blame him, not really. However, as much as Sungjin could slap Younghyun for what he did, something prevented him from doing so.

Thirty minutes later Sungjin had finished the accounting, Younghyun everything else. As expected, everything was perfectly clean and sorted.

“Profits are above 30% the usual average and honestly, a record”, Sungjin now said to break the silence while they were both preparing to leave.

“Gratulations on that.” Younghyun´s voice was as monotone as never before. “I could tell you why but I´m not in the right mood, so see you tomorrow I guess?”

“Okay, see…see you tomorrow then? Same…time?” Sungjin now grinned, Younghyun now smiling obviously without wanting to.

“Hell, no, I need my sleep. What…are you doing right now?”

 _Sofa, eat, sleep,_ and upon that it was freezing cold outside, so he was simply looking forward to his sofa. “Nothing. And honestly, that´s just like every Saturday evening.”

“Come on, I will treat you dinner. There is a nice place near Han River, let´s go there. Plus, I have a car and you wouldn’t have to walk. And they´ve got beer too. I’m going anyway, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“How did you-“

“You think I´m blind? I saw your beer storage yesterday. Easy deduction.”

“Okay, if you insist, let´s go?”

Why couldn’t Sungjin just say no. Turning down his offer would have been rude, but also, he would have had proper reasons to say no to him. But somehow, he couldn’t. Going outside, it was by far milder than he expected – luckily. “Here!” Sungjin was hardly able to catch the car keys Younghyun was now throwing towards him. His car keys. “I saw it in your eyes. Drive if you want to, but just please don’t hurt her.”

“Wait, wait, _her_? And like…I can’t do this, Younghyun, I-“

“I insist. It´s not far and you look like a trustworthy driver. Plus, I´m a little tired.”

“Alright, if you really want to.” Of course, that was a lie. Sungjin was freaking out at this very moment to actually being allowed to drive this car, in the end he was still a man after all. It’s just he didn’t know what would happen in case something actually happened. Would Younghyun sue him? His life would be ruined.

“And yes, it´s a her. Now get in.”

“Of course it is a her.” Sungjin grinned sarcastically but only got a sad smile from Younghyun who wasn’t saying anything anymore.

When Sungjin first started driving he actually thought he was about to cry. The only car he had ever driven in his life was an old van he had bought for little money which just did its job – and that not even perfectly. It had been the only spacious car he had been able to afford.

“As expected, you drive well.”

“Sure. Uhm, I mean…do I? Really?”

“Really. You know I usually only speak the truth.”

“That´s also very true.”

“Oh, turn right here please and park over there!”

“Always, sir” Sungjin said jokingly and the next second cringed hard and regretted having said anything at all. To his luck, the younger doesn’t seem to have noticed after all. To Sungjin´s surprise, the _“restaurant”_ was a small tent, only selling street food style, having put up some plastic tables and chairs and most importantly, a heater.

“Sit down already, I will get food” causing Sungjin to sit down in the very last corner of the tent, with a nice view on the river through, well, a plastic window, but still.

“Here we go” Younghyun said happily while putting dish after dish on the table. There was everything, Hotdogs, fish cakes, Mandu’s, rice cakes, Kimbap, and wait-

“Is that Sashimi? The salmon looks awesome. Younghyun this is…”

“Too much??”

“…perfect.”

“I know right? I didn’t know what you would like so I ordered everything. Oh wait.” He ran away and came back with two cans of beer “Now it´s perfect.” Sungjin couldn’t help but smiled and started eating and, _damn,_ that felt good after such a long day.

“Good right?” Younghyun mumbled, his mouth stuffed with fish cake.

“I´m without words, seriously. So good. Why…are you staring at me?” Sungjin now stopped eating and looked at Younghyun, who now grinned widely. “Nothing. I just enjoy watching you eating. It’s just great to have found someone who at least eats as much as I do.”

“…alright?”

“Yeah. Cheers?”

“Cheers.” After that, no word was spoken and both were just sitting there, eating and eating without a break, until they finished every single dish.

“Shall we go out for a walk?”

“Yeah why not.” When leaving the tent, Sungjin felt a cold winter breeze on his skin and fresh air running through his nose. Since it was snowing slightly, the cold didn’t feel as bad, if that made sense. Even though silence fell between him and Younghyun, it didn’t feel awkward at all, no, it even felt comfortable. Both of them walked until Younghyun suddenly took off his scarf to put it on a wooden bench next to them, after having wiped off the snow.

“Younghyun, that´s way too cold!”

“No, sit down! Really. I…I need to talk to you about something.”

Alright. This was something Sungjin had been afraid of. He had always known there was something Younghyun wasn’t telling him. While Sungjin now looked straight at Younghyun, the other kept on staring at the river.

“First of all-“ But the younger couldn’t even finish his sentence when he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind them.

“Aren´t these two crazy sitting here in the cold? Crazy guys.” That familiar voice joked, his tiny laugh being significant as always. Wonpil.

“Yeah, indeed, a soft female voice answered from behind.”

But instead of turning around immediately, Sungjin just waited for them to walk by and saw the couple disappearing in the distance. Somehow he wished Wonpil would have seen them because now Sungjin just didn’t know what to do until he decided to just call him. It couldn’t be.

“Sungjin-“ but every try of Younghyun to get through to the elder failed.

“Wonpil! Hey, I´m almost home, are you still coming over? Oh, you just finished with your colleagues but you´re still in Hyehwa? Then come- oh wait, I forgot to do something at the shop. Maybe you can come over tomorrow or well, I will take Younghyun tomorrow, so you´ve got Junpyo tomorrow and MAYBE you can ask your girlfriend to help you. Ah, you don’t have one, I forgot. Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow.” And Sungjin hung up.

Until the last minute he really had to supress himself not to say anything else. Wonpil had seriously lied to him, and then again would have come straight away if he would have told him. It was not even that he was angry, but disappointed. Wonpil was one of only a few close friends he had, his best friend that had been through his worst time with him.

“Sungjin-“

“Can you drive me home?”

“Sungjin-“

“PLEASE.” Sungjin was glad when Younghyun didn’t insist of doing anything further. He didn’t ask, he didn’t talk, he didn’t do anything but what he had told him to do. Sungjin wondered whether he knew Wonpil would be there, but then again why would he care after all. Right now, Sungjin was just sad and disappointed, but tomorrow would be another day. And Wonpil would tell him the truth, as always since he must have had proper reasons for doing so.

“Sungjin. Sungjin!” Younghyun now almost shouted, now directly staring at him with these sharp, yet attentive and caring eyes. “You´ve never been lied to I guess.”

“Sorry, I-“

“Don’t worry, I understand. But he will have his reasons. As much as I may have judged him today, I really thought, or think, he is a very nice guy. It was just because I was sure he lied. And I hope you understand. And I am sorry.”

“Thank you. A lot.” But also, Sungjin kind of knew that this was some kind of confession?

“How did you know they would be there. It wasn’t the same spot as yesterday, otherwise Wonpil would have been stupid.”

“Again, easy deduction. Also, I love Sherlock Holmes. The movies, series, I even read the books for once. But in all honesty, I didn’t plan this, I planned to tell you something else but we will postpone that.”

“Alright, _Sherlock_.” Sungjin now grinned a little and put his scarf on.

“So Mr. Darcy is gone?”

“Yeap, he is. But only temporarily”

“Alright, _Watson_. Guess we´re back to Baker Street?”

“If we pretend you´re living with me, sure.” Sungjin now grinned, followed by an awkward silence.

“You´re not living with me but you could still come up if you-“, Sungjin started, with Younghyun starting to speak at the same time. “I will go home then.”

At this very moment Sungjin thought he might die of embarrassment. _Come up._ Really?

“Am I that indispensable?” Younghyun now grinned and turned on the car again. “Sorry, I still need to study, urgently, I have lost enough time yesterday already.”

That strange feeling of disappointment suddenly overcame Sungjin, not knowing where it was coming from. What did he expect? He initially planned to spend the night alone anyways as he always did. He was that kind of lonesome person. Sungjin got out immediately and told the younger goodbye.

“Wait, Younghyun. Bring your guitar tomorrow.”

Now seeing a wide grin spreading on his face, Sungjin closed the door and waved the younger goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! To those who are celebrating fo course, but even if not I hope you're simply enjyoing the holidays!😄


	3. Past to Present

_“But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them forever.”_

_―_

_Pride and Prejudice_

The other morning Younghyun woke up early in the morning after only two hours of sleep, whereas he could have just slept five more hours if Sungjin wouldn’t have texted him that he would pick him up at 8:30am. Whatever he had planned for today, it was too early either way. When he went down to the kitchen, he was greeted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee and his dad’s self-made pancakes.

“Good morning, son. Why up so early?” his dad now greeted him, Younghyun now sitting down across his dad.

“I´ve got…some business to do today.”

“Business? How is it going anyways? And how are you getting on in the company? And did you receive the results for your masters’ exams yet? And I hope you’re still attending those Chinese courses? The winter break is perfect for that, don’t you agree?”

Indeed, Younghyun should have started studying weeks ago but he hadn’t, not that he would ever admit that to his dad. Even last night he had left the elder saying he would study, just to spend some time with his guitar. Sooner or later he would need to start but right now he felt like he had as much to do that he didn’t feel like doing anything, especially after this terrifying exam period and honestly, university ranked rather low on his priority list at the moment. “No, just business. Yes dad, I am still studying no worries.”

“Business. On a Sunday?”

“Yes. It has got to do with the project, so no worries. “

“Stop it, that´s your project and as we told you, your mom and I won´t interfere with Jae and you. Do what you think is right.” His father now grinned, took his cereals and put on headphones to listen to some music. _This man_ , Younghyun thought and tried not to start a conversation with Jae until-

“Apropos project, did you take care of that problem yet? Younghyun, I know the shop does not really make a profit, even losses at times, so it shouldn’t take much to convince the owner to give up or relocate. We would even pay him a fine amount!” Jae now sat down next to his dad, handing him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks man. But the shop isn’t running as bad as your sources claim, Jae. I am still convinced that we should integrate the shop into the Seocho project. Do you know what that would do with our image?”

“But the planning clearly shows if we want to fulfil all the requirements and required facilities requested by the council, there would be no space left. AT ALL. It´s not possible. And to be honest, it wouldn’t fit the target group or concept anyhow. I thought we agreed that we would convince him to give up his shop. No, that YOU would do it.”

Younghyun had never been a good liar, but for once he had to force himself to lie to his stepbrother. It was a lie for a good cause after all, wasn’t it? “I know, and I will. But I couldn’t ask him yet.”

“Okay. A lot depends on you. Indeed, this whole project depends on you right now. No pressure.”

“Oh thanks, now I feel a lot better.” Younghyun grinned and finished his last spoon of cereals.

“Love you too. Alright, I´m gonna go out with Becca for lunch later so see you bro.”

Becca was Jae´s fiancé, and she had been for a long, long time. His family basically just waited for the two to get married and have children. Becca was nice, very nice. She was Younghyuns’s age and initially, the two of them had met through Younghyun.

Around six years ago Younghyun and Becca met at university after she had transferred from the States and got very close, physically speaking, and kind of dated for a few weeks until they noticed that it just didn’t work both ways. One year later Jae came home with his new girlfriend, Becca, and that look on her face when she realized he was Younghyun´s stepbrother, unforgettable. He never dared to tell Jae after both of them had agreed it would be better like this.

_If Jae only knew._

As much as Younghyun wanted to tell him, as tough as Jae seemed, everyone knew it would really hurt him and he would overthink since actually, he was very sensitive and would lose confidence right away.

When Younghyun checked his phone, a Kakao message from Sungjin popped up out of nowhere.

_Send me your address, I will pick you up in 30 minutes._

After getting ready, Younghyun grabbed his guitar last minute and rushed outside to wait for the elder, who, against his expectations, wasn’t in time. Waiting in front of the entrance gate, suddenly an old looking, dark green van approached– seriously? That thing was still driving? It didn´t sound too good either.

“Get in”, an overly excited Sungjin greeted him.

“Good…morning. Sure this thing isn’t falling apart? We can take my car if you want.”

“Tz. Trust me, this baby is still doing a great job, don’t judge by looks. But how could you huh?”

Wait. What was that supposed to mean. Even though Sungjin had said it with a wide grin he knew what Sungjin had actually meant with that. And even though Younghyun was used to these kinds of attitudes towards people like him, it still hurt at times.

“True, otherwise I wouldn’t be hanging out with you” Younghyun now joked, even though he wasn’t in the mood to joke at all.

“I know. But it would be a shame if everyone looked as good as- HOWEVER, we need a van with lots of space anyways so your car would have been impractical.”

“Wait: why? And the guitar? Sungjin what are we doing today?”

“We are visiting an orphanage today, and also a place for homeless people and those with little money, which is also called _The Station_.”

 _Please not. Orphanage yes, but the second?_ Younghyun wasn’t too sure whether this day would go by smoothly. Sungjin took Younghyun´s guitar in the back and started driving.

“I am going there every Sunday, bringing the kids their favourite sweets, cake, and in general some things from the shop that are needed and haven’t been sold, especially clothes and toys.” The bright smile now spread on Sungjin’s face really warmed his heart for a moment, and he couldn’t help but smile at the elder, but the tone in his voice somehow implied that Sungjin didn’t think of it as something big. “So you are using your own salary-“

“Yes, my own salary.”

Younghyun was about to give a comment, one of his sarcastic ones to be true, but this time he didn´t. He just kept on watching the happy, yet focused face of the elder.

“What, no comment?”

“No, why should I.”

Instead of a comment Sungjin now turned up the music and started to sing along to Crush´s Beautiful Life. At the first listen Younghyun thought he might melt away, Sungjin´s voice equalling a hot knife cutting through butter. His voice, it was warm, raspy, powerful, yet calming and soft at the same time. He could have sung along too, but he decided to just sit there and listen until the end.

“That was beautiful, Sungjin.”

“Thanks. Great joke though.”

“No joke. The pure truth. Believe me. Or don’t.”

“Okay, maybe a little. We´ve arrived anyways, can you help me load the boxes?”

“Sure.”

Sungjin parked the car in front of a back entrance and a young, attractive woman with shoulder-long hair came out to greet Sungjin and hug him with a bright smile. “Good to see you, Sungjin.”

“You too-“

“Becca?” Younghyun now said in disbelief and approached the two. Why would Becca- this was a mess. All of this was a mess.

“Y-younghyun? Hey, how are you doing? What-“ she hugged him shortly and let go quickly with a face Younghyun couldn’t quite read.

“You two know each other??”

“We know each other very…well.” No need to define HOW well they knew each other. “She is my Stepbrother´s fiancé.”

“Wait. Becca, you´re engaged to…one of _them_?”

“Yes? I told you I was engaged.”

Younghyun wasn’t too sure how to interpret that look on Sungjin´s face – disbelief, anger, disappointment, anything than happiness. Younghyun always knew she was owning a pastry and bakery, but he didn’t know she was socially engaged like this, and neither did Jae probably – or did he?

“Surprising to see you down here, Younghyun. What are you doing here? Not that I´m not happy to see you but-”

“Volunteering. Becca, please do me a favour and don’t tell Jae alright? I’m just helping out a little.” And he wasn’t lying. Not at all. Only the what remained unrevealed to everybody else.

“Sure, I won’t tell Jae. But why? He also knows I’m helping out, what is there against it?”

“Please?”

“Okay, I won’t promised. But Younghyun, you know where a part of this is going right? I know you Younghyun, please just try to keep your opinion to yourself. This is really important to Sungjin and…yes. Just accept silently and who knows, try to understand.”

“Uhm, what?” Sungjin now stepped in, who by now had half of the boxes loaded. “Whatever, could you please help me with the boxes, Younghyun? They are not carrying themselves into the van. And it started snowing so we should hurry.”

“I…I will try my best okay? Sorry, Becca, enjoy lunch with Jae later.”

“What? He just told me he is busy today and had to cancel. Sometimes I feel like he’s just treating me as another client of his, seriously.”

“You know that’s not true, mh? Don’t worry too much.”

Younghyun now gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder and told her goodbye, only to now face the sceptical gaze of the elder.

“I won´t ask.”

“I will explain later. Let´s go.”

“Alright? Let´s get the rest in and then go. We´re already running late.”

Half an hour later they were still driving since the streets had gotten slippery and sight was hindered through snow piling endlessly. Snow was pretty, for sure, and this also meant white Christmas, but it had its pitfalls. Strangely enough Younghyun still recognized this area. It was just outside the city, close to his old family house with wide gardens and surrounded by fields and even a little forest, where his family had been living until his mom had died. The house hadn’t been sold yet, but no one ever went there again, except for Younghyun. He loved that old familiar feeling. He would escape reality for a moment whenever he went there, still smelling the self-cooked food of his mom and laughter filling the halls. Just those memories made his heart ache and filled with love at the same time.

“You have become quiet” Sungjin now dared to break the silence, “are you warm enough or should I turn up the heating a little more?”

“Thank you, but I´m fine. Was just lost in thoughts.”

“Oh, okay.”

Silence.

“Say, Becca and your brother….”

“Well, stepbrother. Now, the two of them have been together for almost four years and engaged for one.”

“Aha. Good to…know then.”

“You like her a lot I guess?”

“Honestly? Yes, but somehow I never wanted more if you know what I mean. Even though she is my perfect. I know nobody´s perfect but MY perfect. Well, you get what I mean!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Wow. Younghyun had never expected such a burst of feelings from the elder. Especially not for the fiancé of Jae. Why was this such a small world in god´s name.

“And what about you? You two seemed awkward?”

“Did we? I don’t know what you mean.”

“You´re super bad at lying, do you know that?”

“Well, she might tell you anyways if you´re close but there was a time before my stepbrother. Both of us were in our second year of studies and well, we got along pretty well, we might have gotten close physically seen a few times, but we ended that after a few weeks. One year later Jae came home with her.”

“Don´t tell me- So she slept with you and now she´s engaged to your stepbrother.”

“Right, Watson.” But Younghyun´s grin disappeared when Sungjin didn’t grab the joke and ignored the disappointed Younghyun.

“Don´t get me wrong but she is such a nice, friendly, open-hearted and caring person and then…this. I just don’t get it.”

Woah. That was a statement. A pretty clear statement that hit hard.

“ _Don´t take me wrong but_ : you´re talking like an asshole right now. Like seriously.”

“Just telling you what I´m thinking. Sorry if that hit you hard, but you should be used to comments like that, or am I wrong.”

“No, you’re not. But also, I´m a human being like everyone else and as much as everyone else, I have feelings. But your statement was pretty clear. Thank you.”

“No, I didn´t mean-“

“I have heard enough. Really. Come on out, we have arrived.”

In fact, they had arrived at a marginal part of the town, not very popular for investments and firm´s to settle down, hence, the building they arrived at looked a little shady and honestly, sordid. Even the colourful letters and bright Christmas decorations couldn’t hide that. Younghyun wasn’t very picky or anything like that, still this region really made him feel unwelcome.

“Younghyun!” He now looked at Sungjin who was holding a box, snow slowly starting to set on his hair.

“You´re not even wearing a jacket, just a vest, aren´t you cold??”

“No, I´m fine. You should see these guys in there, they have it way worse.” Of course he would say that, of course he would.

“But you can´t take care of these people if you don’t take care of yourself first, here.” Younghyun took off his woollen hat and put in on the elder, him not being able to refuse with boxes in both of his hands.

“Your ears…better?” But Sungjin only sighed and smiled slightly. “Still warm. Thank you. But could you still help me and take the blue box?”

“Sure.”

Entering the building, a haunting smell pierced towards Younghyun, making him want to go in even less than before. Sungjin led him through a long floor, walls made of stone, towards a large room which, surprisingly, reminded of a canteen. Well, at least there was a proper floor, as well as walls. The Christmas decoration actually helped to make it look at least a little comfortable. The room was filled with people, laughter and cheerful voices. On the right there was a table set up, some food already prepared, and a young man, maybe end of his twenties, and an elderly woman standing behind, putting some plates and cutleries. The woman just threw a smile at them while the younger man approached the two directly, or well, Sungjin. His grin was wide and bright, his hair parted in the middle and yes, he seemed pretty trained. Why did he look so familiar to Younghyun?

“Sungjin!” he greeted in joy, giving Sungjin a tight hug and pat on the shoulder. He then turned towards Younghyun. “And Sungjin told me he would bring some support, so you must be...”

“Younghyun, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Kang Daesung, doctor. I am helping out as soon as I can here to help with medications and stuff. You look…pretty familiar, but anyways, good to have some more help!”

“Nice” Younghyun forced himself to smile and looked at all the people that were now filling the room even further. Indeed, many elderly people, but also teenagers, and people in their thirties, forties. Not all of them had shady clothes on, no, looked like they were living “the good life”. It might only be his imagination, but it felt like some of them were staring at him either in disbelief or disrespect. When Younghyun turned towards Sungjin again he was long gone and saw him laughing at something Daesung had said.

_Why did he look so familiar?_

“Sungjin! Sungjin, say, those people, do they all live on the street?”

“Some of them do, some of them don’t. Most of them either don’t have a job or can’t live properly with the money they are receiving. And no one who takes care of them. I mean, this event here only takes place once a week on a Sunday so it’s more something like a _get together_ to soothe loneliness. Why don’t you talk to them and find out, hm? After distributing lunch, we will give out these sweets, cake, and some warm tea and coffee. I also brought some clothes from the shop for them.”

Even though Younghyun forced himself to a smile, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t live with people that didn’t bother to work or to even find a job. Even if salary was not enough, why not taking another job? There was work for everyone, wasn´t there? Honestly, something like this: they´ve got food for free, hot drinks, clothes, even sweets and cake. And for what? Nothing. He didn’t know why, but he just couldn’t stand this attitude towards life, work, taking things for granted. _Don’t forget your mission Younghyun. Only a few hours and you will be done._

And eventually, he made it through successfully until he had to distribute the desserts. As much as Younghyun saw Daesung and Sungjin and that elderly lady making conversation with every single person, Younghyun just didn’t know what to say. It rarely happened that he ran out of words, but what was there to talk about.

“Enjoy.” Now, an elderly man in old clothes was standing in front of him ready to take a piece of cake, when he suddenly started talking to Sungjin. And that not in a very friendly tone. “Hey, Sungjin, you know I can´t eat Vanilla, did you bring another for me?”

“Oh, sorry. I forgot. I´ve got some sweets in the car for-“

“Do I look like a kid? It shouldn’t be that hard to remember this one thing.”

“Yes Sir, I apologize.” Sungjin actually bowed him.

“I can´t buy anything for that, but just bring two next time.”

Younghyun couldn’t watch this scene in front of him anymore, otherwise he would explode. He gave Sungjin this “Seriously” look, but Sungjin just shook his head – which didn’t keep Younghyun from doing something.

“Sir, for all respect. You have no right to talk to him like that.”

“Younghyun-“ But it was too late.

“What are you saying boy?”

“That you should pay some respect and be thankful for the effort others make for you, while you yourself don’t even seem to recognize they do.”

“Who are you- I know you. From the news. You are that son of that building idiot. You cold-hearted and bloody assholes have no clue what our lives are like you lazy assholes, huh?

“Did YOU just call US lazy assholes for working our ass off? Money doesn’t come from anywhere and yes, I know that there are some assholes in my branch but my family works very hard so who are you to judge. And Sungjin. He is working every day, from eight in the morning, more than twelve hours diligently, even doing this here, for you, because he loves doing it. And about us? We are just people wanting to earn our money, it´s just some are misled, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all of “us” are bad people. Still, I don’t care what you think about me, so, call me what you want, but apologize to him and show at least him some respect.”

“Tz. Cold-hearted bastards like you shouldn’t be obliged to talk about respect. Seriously. You don’t care for people like us. At all.”

Younghyun didn’t want to say anything further but that man in front of him made him explode in anger. Holding in his tears, he calmed his voice down as much as he could.

“My mom died because she had a good-heart. For people like you. So, would you please just apologize to Sungjin?” But the other just laughed sarcastically and turned around to leave to his table. Younghyun wanted to do something but something in him told him to stay calm and continue.

“Don’t worry, he is always like that. But good at heart. All of us are. He is really trying hard to find a new job but no company would ever even consider to hire him due to his physical and mental condition, especially after he lost his daughter and wife…you should understand that right? And with your mother, I am sorry to hear that”, and elderly woman now said with a calm voice and thanked Younghyun upon receiving a piece of cake.

Younghyun couldn’t help but give that lady a tiny yet sad smile. “Thank you, but it was long time ago, I´m fine. And as for him, of course I do understand, but I just couldn’t watch this behaviour. Respect towards age, there is no way to justify disrespectful behaviour.”

“It´s alright, I do actually agree with you, but he will calm down. Have a nice day dear.”

“Thank you. You too. And enjoy your cake! Tea is over there” he now showed towards that Daesung guy.

“Younghyun, what was that huh? You can’t just talk like that! You have no clue what they have gone through!” Sungjin now whispered in an angry tone while still giving out cake.

“I am really holding myself back here, alright? I am being as nice as possible, but as for you I just couldn’t watch it anymore. That’s a general question of respect.”

“Could you maybe just…not say anything next time? That guy you just talked to really tries hard to find a job. Really. And he has been through a lot. That´s why he´s here.”

“I don’t care Sungjin, honestly.”

“What´s your problem, huh?”

“Honestly? Firstly, only because life played him dirty that does not give him the right to not show any respect. Secondly, I think I might have an attitude problem right here but I would rather kill myself than to not work and rely on someone else. Sorry, but it´s true. And if you still think I am that capitalistic asshole you painted in your head, I´m fine with it.”

While he was not - he was not fine with it. His tone might have been harsh, and he would understand if the elder was now angry, but it general this was just what he thought, and it was not an attitude that was completely unreasonable after all, wasn’t it? He could very well imagine the image Sungjin had of him, and it kind of felt…bad. Usually he wasn’t that kind of person to worry too much about what others were thinking, but he did with people he cared about. And somehow, he cared about what the elder was thinking about him, and he didn’t know why; he just did. Younghyun now expected an even angrier answer of the elder, but nothing happened. Silence fell between the two, in between the laughter and cheerful voices that filled the room. Maybe he had gone too far by saying that, he knew how important this was to the elder, how much he cared; but would he really accept being treated like this? Without any consequence? He just couldn’t understand.

Later Daesung still helped to carry everything back into the van and gave Sungjin a pat on the shoulder. Sungjin just nodded and then got into the van where Younghyun was already waiting.

“What did you two talk about?”

“Nothing much. Let´s go, we still have a far way to go. And Younghyun?”

The elder’s gaze now fiercely focused on Younghyun.

“Just as you said you are just some people wanting to earn money, only some are misled and that does not necessarily make all of you bad people. Some of those people in there you just met; they do have their reasons, they have no other choice. I do understand some of them are misled too, yes, but does that necessarily make _all_ of them bad people?” An unintended smirk escaped Sungjin, because he knew he had won this argument and in all honesty, Younghyun couldn’t disagree that he had a point.

Even though it was still in the afternoon, the weather had done its job already and the snow was growing centimetre by centimetre. As soon as they had left the town Younghyun wondered whether it was actually that much of a good idea to drive as fast as Sungjin did but he didn’t seem too talkative right now so Younghyun just kept silent and turned on the radio instead.

In fact, just before Younghyun could say anything further, they had arrived at an old, yet beautiful building with yellow walls, some parts of the wall seemingly painted by kids. Still, it was surrounded by forest only and Younghyun could swear they had driven around twenty kilometres through the middle of nowhere.

“Kinda lonely here. But still pretty.”

“The building seems lonely, but the inside and its people, it´s great, you won’t feel lonely at all. Well, get your guitar then and help me with the boxes please.”

“Sure.”

As soon as Younghyun and Sungjin entered the front door five children ran towards Sungjin, who immediately put down the boxes to greet them with open arms. It almost hurt Younghyun how cute the sight in front of him was and cringed about his own thoughts at the same moment, despite of everything Sungjin had just said. After felt hours of cuddling, the kids suddenly seemed to notice Younghyun.

“Uncle, who is that?”

“This is…Younghyun. “

“Is he your friend?”

“Yes, he is my friend.” Sungjin hesitated for a moment but sounded as sincere as before. And Younghyun hadn’t felt that warm in a long time. It felt good to hear that being said about him by a person like him. Very good. He hasn’t been called friend in a long, long time.

“Really? Uncle, your friend looks like a bad uncle.”

 _Ouch._ Well, that was not the first time Younghyun had heard that. That was just the very first impression he seemed to make to strangers. Sometimes a good thing in business, but not in private life and interpersonal interactions. Maybe he should just smile 24 hours a day?

“Maybe? But he is actually very nice, just…a bit grumpy sometimes, but good at heart.”

Younghyun gasped slightly after hearing that and he thought his heart might burst into pieces at any moment, especially when Sungjin suddenly addressed him directly, his round big eyes piercing like stars. Younghyun thought if would stare into them any longer he would just get lost in them so he decided to kneel down to approach that same boy, but now smiling.

“What´s your name boy?”

“Jinhwan.”

“Listen, Jinhwan, do you have a friend? And did you ever have a fight with him?”

“Yes.”

“Are you in a bad mood then?”

“Yes. But I don’t like it, so we play together and are friends again.”

“See, we are all the same.”

“Did you have a fight?”

“Well, maybe a small one?”

“It will be fine, Younghyun. Your friend will forgive you.”

“Yes, I think so.” Younghyun now smiled warmly. “Should we play then?”

Jinhwan’s eyes now lit up and ran into the next room, which seemed to be a common room with lots of toys, tables and chairs. The walls were painted colourful, just as the walls outside. An elderly woman now approached and greeted the both of them with a bright smile and Sungjin with a tight hug.

“Thanks for coming Sungjin. They were excited all day.”

“I’m happy to hear that, as every week. Alright, who wants to sing a song?”

Not to exaggerate, all of the children jumped in joy, grabbed a pillow and gathered in the middle of the room, two boys putting two chairs in front of them for the both to sit.

“You´re gonna sing together right? Just as Wonpil and you sometimes do?”

“Yeah, right” Sungjin now smiled and gesticulated towards Younghyun to take his guitar which he luckily had just tuned.

“Let´s play a song that fits super well right now”, Sungjin grinned and started playing OneDirection´s History. As soon as he started playing Younghyun followed his rhythm.

Once again, Younghyun couldn’t get over the elder’s voice. How could it be so forbiddingly beautiful?

He thought it was the cutest when the kids tried to sing along in their, admittingly, broken English. Every tear, any problem, just anything negative, seemed to disappear for a moment, knowing that these kids had grown up or lost both of their parents either way.

As soon as Sungjin had strummed the last note, all kids clapped in joy with smiley faces all over the place – including Sungjin.

“Younghyun, why don’t you play the next song mh?”

“Uhm, sure! I will…how about I play you a song I have just written last night, and you will be the first ones to hear it, what do you think?”

While the kids agreed in joy, Sungjin just stared at him in surprise. “Really? Weren’t you supposed to study?” Instead of answering, Younghyun strummed the next chords. “Oh, and there is one part I want to practise with you before we start. There is one part where we only sing La la la so it goes like this” Younghyun then sang, the kids following him diligently. “Can you do that? Great.”

_“You were "you"_

_I was "I"_

_We've been living without_

_Knowing each other_

_With a "Hi"_

_Now, it's you and me_

_It's "us" now_

_La lalalala_

_La lalalala_

_La lalalala”_

Younghyuns heart seemed to tear apart when Sungjin decided to take over the second chorus perfectly, his Voice melting with Younghyuns´ and the kids joining at the last Chorus. When Younghyun strummed the last chorus, he grinned brighter than the kids in front of him and grew even bigger when the older encouraged the kids to cheer for him.

“That…was a great Song. Really.”

“Thank you”

Where they spend the rest of the afternoon singing it was time for one last song before they would give the kids the sweets they had brought. Younghyun would have never thought that it was such a great feeling to present his song to others. Such a great feeling.

“I know a song” Sungjin now took his guitar and started strumming Crush´s beautiful life, now seeking eye contact with Younghyun. At least they had practised that before. The soft sound of the guitar and the harmonies between both of them filled the room entirely and Younghyun for one moment thought he didn’t want to escape this very moment, even though there was an end to everything, just as to this session.

“Alright, wanna see what I brought you today?” With that mischievous grin of his Sungjin grabbed got some boxes he had brought distributed some sweet, each kid seemingly having their favourite sweets. “Jinhwan, as promised I brought you this.”

“You brought me a guitar?”

“Well it’s too small for me isn’t it?”

“Thanks uncle” that little boy now hugged Sungjin who had knelt down. “Yeah, no need to hug me” Sungjin now said in a rather different tone and handed him the guitar. “And let the others play too okay? Younghyun will show you some things you can practise until next time.”

Did he? Rather to his surprise, Jinhwan now grabbed Sungjins chair, took the guitar and sat down next to Younghyun, looking at him with big and expecting eyes.

“Alright Jinhwan, I will show you three easy chords to play and will write it down for you and next time we see each other, I will see whether you have practised okay? Okay, so let´s make a Rockstar out of you.”

When they were stepping outside a little later it was already dark, and it seemingly had been snowing all afternoon. Clearly the sight in front of them was beautiful but it would take hours to drive them home and Younghyun knew it would feel like eternity with this awkwardness between them. The car needed quite about some time to run warm when they finally started driving. Worst thing was that the radio had stopped working – perfect timing Younghyun thought, but it would also have been rude to put earplugs in.

“Sorry about the radio.”

“No worries. I like silence from time to time.”

“Me too”

“Say…did you refill the tank before we came here, that red sign has been blinking for quite some time now.”

“I know my car better than anything, so don’t worry.”

“I would really trust you, but I have a bad feeling.”

“Nope. Go and listen to some music or whatever, I don´t mind, will still take a while.”

“No, it’s alright. But how you still see a thing? I really don’t feel comfortable by just watching you. Really. That´s dangerous.”

“Uhm, it’s pretty fine, maybe your eyesight is just bad?”

Younghyun´s eyesight was indeed not the best but he was definitely sure that it was almost impossible to see where the street was and where it wasn’t. He didn’t want to be dramatic but he already saw them crashing against the next tree. He might be paranoid but ever since his dad had told him about the truth about his mom´s death Younghyun couldn’t help it but think the worst. Still, nothing happened for quite some time when he suddenly just heard an “Oh oh” from Sungjin and the car stopped on the spot and left the two in the dark.

“Oh, see how well you know your car.”

“Younghyun.”

“What. We´re in the middle of nowhere, it´s like ten kilometres in each direction for civilization, and we ran out of gasoline. The car doesn’t turn on anymore, like we´re pretty much done Sungjin.”

“I know that, thanks for your precise summary. Why are you panicking, someone will pass by, for sure.”

“I am not so sure. And I don’t see why there shouldn’t be a reason for NOT panicking. And now? Sungjin, we need help. Urgently.” It felt like something was pressing on his chest, preventing him from being able to breathe properly. His breath became faster feeling cold sweat running down his face. As much as he tried to calm down, he just couldn’t. This would be his death, for sure and even Sungjin couldn’t change his opinion.

“Younghyun, calm down. We won’t die or anything.”

“I am not sure, Sungjin.”

“Let´s call someone.”

“No connection. Zero. We´re lost. And you´re phone just ran out of battery. That´s great. I told you it was dangerous.” Younghyun breathed in heavily, now holding on to the car dashboard, his heart and lungs feeling as if they were about to explode.

“Younghyun look at me, it will be fine.”

“IT WON’T” Younghyun now screamed without even intending to. He didn’t know what was happening with him, but it felt awful and he wanted it to stop - but he couldn’t.

Sungjin didn’t know what to do at this very moment. He felt so helpless and whatever he said Younghyun wouldn’t calm down at all. “Alright think of something nice, a nice memory. There must be any, just any okay? Got any? Okay, try to think of that, nothing else.”

It took a felt eternity until his breath became slower, but it luckily did.

“Sorry, I…I never had that before I-“

“Don’t worry, it´s alright. It´s my fault, I should have filled the tank.”

“Well, can’t deny that for sure. But seriously Sungjin, you can’t even turn the car on, it will become freezing cold very soon, we´ve got nothing to warm ourselves up, no opportunity to call someone and the possibility of someone passing by and holding is literally zero. And in a radius of 10km there is nothing. Walking out there would be our death.”

“Younghyun, you´re overdramatizing a little, aren’t you?”

“Am I? I…probably am. You´re right. You´ve got no blankets in here right?”

“No, I gave them all…away.”

“Of course. You haven’t even got a jacket! At least put on the hat I gave to you.”

Sungjin would have told him the truth, but there was this kid and if Younghyun would find out he would kill him for sure. “I lost it, I´m…so sorry, I do-“

“You gave it away, didn’t you.”

“Yes.”

Instead if a snappy comment Younghyun simply sighed and looked out of the window, his gaze now directed to the sky. Now that Sungjin was taking a closer look at him he found something sad in his face, something he couldn’t quite identify. Well, what else was he supposed to look like after what just happened. For a moment Sungjin had thought he would go unconscious. But no, it was more than that, he just couldn’t quite grasp it.

After all, there was a lot he yet didn’t understand about the younger but despite of everything he liked having him around, it felt save. And at the same time he was annoying as hell and he wanted to punch him, seriously punch him. Then again, his voice just now had really amazed him. Sungjin could tell he had been playing the guitar by only looking at his hands, and also by his eyes that had lit up upon seeing that guitar in his bedroom. Still, he had never expected this voice – at all. Everything in his head screamed to stay away from him, that he knew where he was coming from. And that it couldn’t be good. And yet he didn’t want to let him go. In short, he was a single mess. And he kind of hated Younghyun for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not having updated in such a long time, especially these days. Either way, I hope you will enjoy the new chapter and for now, stay healthy everyone and happy reading!


	4. A Sweet Lie

It was only a few minutes later that Sungjin felt that it had gotten dangerously cold in the car after just sitting there and waiting for someone to pass by. Usually he always brought some extra petrol canister in case something like this would happen and he was certain he had seen it when they loaded the van, but when he checked, it wasn’t there.

“Great. You know that the body temperature can cool down drastically within just half an hour?” Younghyun stated blankly.

“That´s a very calming information.”

“Facts Sungjin, facts. Why the hell didn’t you bring a proper jacket huh? Wait.” Sungjin was not even surprised when the younger suddenly pulled off his jacket, just to pull of his pullover and hand it over to him without any hesitation. 

“Put it on while it’s still warm.”

“Younghyun, you need it yourself, take-“

“I´ve got a jacket. You need it more than I do, so could you please just accept it”, his tone now getting indulgent. Sungjin didn’t feel like discussing any further so he put in on immediately and started moving a little to keep his body warm.

“She froze to death.”

Confused, Sungjin now looked at Younghyun who was staring into the night sky. “What?”

“My mom. She was driving at late evening to look after a…” Younghyun seemed to struggle to find the right word. “…friend of hers and eventually got off the road and crashed. And she froze. We found her right after the crash happened. At least that’s what my dad told me. I don’t really remember what happened, I was waiting in dad’s car. Apparently, I followed my dad and saw my mom there, but I don’t remember anything. Luckily.”

Upon hearing him stumbling upon the word friend, Sungjin was certain that the younger was talking about that person he had mentioned when he was defending him at The Station. He could have simply asked more about that friend, but he felt like this would not be the right moment to do so.

“Younghyun, I am so sorry to hear that.” That was the only thing Sungjin was able to say at this moment. He wasn’t very good at this and he will never be. What was he supposed to say when someone told him something like that? He just didn’t know. He had been through lots of shit as well and he knew how hard it was to open up to others. But just as hard to find the right words for someone who was opening up. At least he now knew why he had panicked – and Sungjin started to feel even more guilty.

“It´s alright, I wouldn’t know what to say either. I´m sorry for telling you that all of a sudden.”

“Do you miss her?”

“A lot. Usually it´s okay but there are just moments- I don’t know.”

“I know what you mean. I´m…really sorry I should have just refilled the tank and…”

Younghyun gave him a little smile. “Well, it’s too late anyways so let’s make the best out of this situation and let´s try to survive.”

“Tell me something.” Sungjin now asked the younger, not really in the mood to talk and somewhat glad Younghyun was not willing to progress on the conversation about his dead mother, as rude as that might have sounded to anyone else. Suddenly he felt sorry for even having thought this, but luckily the younger wasn’t able to read his mind – right? He wouldn’t be surprised if he was. “Can I rather ask you something? It´s something I really need to know.”

“Go ahead.”

“If someone were to offer you a huge of money, would you give up your shop and open it somewhere else?”

Sungjin had expected this kind of conversation at some point but was surprised about him being this direct and honest. Younghyun hadn’t come without a reason. Not even to be mean, he wouldn’t have come without a proper reason. And even though he had expected this, he had to swallow before he could answer.

“No.”

“You´re not stupid Sungjin, you must have asked yourself already why I knocked on your door that evening. “

“Yes. But I never wanted an answer somehow.”

Sungjin saw a sad smile crossing Younghyun´s face, his eyes now fixed on the elder.

“Why.”

Sungjin’s eyes were now trying to focus on anything but Younghyun. “I don’t know. I was…scared I guess.”

“Do you ever open your letters? Post?”

“…once a week?”

“News?”

“Never.”

“Of course. Sungjin you will know sooner or later anyways. But I just want you to know: I´m on your side, whatever happens, okay? And please be careful and keep your eyes open. We are not the only ones out there.”

How much Sungjin hoped that. “So you didn’t come to buy my shop by sneaking in and sabotaging me?”

“You think I am that kind of person?”

Despite of any efforts, his eyes were now meeting Younghyuns’. His gaze was determined but soft and simply honest. Sungjin’s heart skipped a beat for a second, not knowing exactly why - or maybe he just preferred to ignore that it did after all. Usually he shouldn’t bother about the motives of the younger, he pretty much knew that something was fishy when he even hired him only four days ago. Four days that felt like an eternity - the same time span he felt like he had been knowing the younger next to him. It was strange but he was just a person he liked being around, no matter how annoying he could be, no matter where he was coming from, and no matter what he was. It strangely felt _safe_ being around him, but he would never admit that. Then again, whatever it was, Sungjin was certain that their encounter would not last any longer than a couple of weeks and he maybe shouldn’t get too used to his presence.

“No. Maybe…I don’t know. Let’s stop talking about it, please.”

What he didn’t want to admit either was that he was probably just as scared as the younger. Afraid. And freezing, freezing like hell. He even tried to keep on moving his toes which oddly hurt the most as of the moment. From time to time tiredness would overcome him but he needed to stay awake, when all of a sudden the younger approached him again.

“We could actually reset the back seat, that would give us more space to move.” Being a man of his words Sungjin watched him climbing to the back and resetting the back seat resulting in a mattress-like area, with loads of empty boxes just behind it.

“Pretty spacious to be honest. Not the cosiest but hey” he sat down stretching his legs and leaned against one of the boxes he now put behind his back. And Sungjin followed him, sitting down next to the younger. How much Sungjin disliked physical contact to people he was not close with, it felt great to feel warmth next to him. So he didn’t get any closer for sure, but at the same time he didn’t have the urge to move away.

“And now?” Younghyun asked felt hours later.

“I don’t know, rock papers scissors?”

“My bad, how couldn’t I have thought of that earlier.”

“Well, propose something else then.”

“Are you cold?”

“…as hell.”

“Okay I have been thinking about this for a while now. Sungjin?” Younghyun now turned towards Sungjin.

“Yeah?”

“Don´t freak out okay? I´m just trying to confirm a theory.”

“Okay. Wait, what do you mean by don’t-“

He hadn’t even finished his sentence when he felt the burning touch of Younghyun’s hands on his cheeks, followed by the gentle touch of the youngers´ lips on his. He could have just shoved him away, but he didn´t. He stayed right where he was...

_How could he even sleep like that?_

Younghyun asked himself and watched the elder sliding down to rest his head on his stomach, now tightly hugging his waist – which was to his very surprise since to his observations Sungjin didn’t seem to like physical contact as much. Younghyun knew it was not a good idea to fall asleep in this very situation, but he didn’t want to wake the elder yet. Instead, he laid down next to him and carefully placed Sungjins’ head on his shoulder. Strangely, the elder still hadn’t woken up yet. Younghyun felt Sungjin pulling himself closer, his left hand buried in Younghyuns’ sweater pocket and a warm smile escaping his lips.

Younghyun knew that it was probably too close and might have looked creepy to just anybody, but to him it was just a logical solution to the existing problem after all since body warmth was the only thing they had left. And also, it kind of was initiated by Sungjin himself so still he hoped the elder wouldn’t be completely creeped out. Who, thinking of the devil, suddenly opened his eyes, and just stared straight for a moment, not daring to look up.

“Younghyun” the elder now panicked and moved away.

“Yes.”

“Could please warn me beforehand if you ever dare to kiss me again? I would really appreciate that.” Younghyun could hear a mix of disbelief, panic and confusion in his voice.

“Well, sure, but it’s not like I ever intended to. But if I ever have the urge to do so I will. But I heard it increases the body temperature so not a bad idea after all.” Younghyun shrugged his shoulders.

“Wait, but you- are you serious? Do you think it his is funny?“ Sungjin asked, slight desperation now crossing his face.

 _What was he talking about?_ “I what. I am sorry if that’s too close, but I thought this might keep us warm. Even though you look pretty warm right now. Look at your face, it´s bright red!”

“Are you serious?? Sorry, but maybe I was feeling a little embarrassed after your sudden attack.”

Younghyun had known he would react like that, even though kissing was a little exaggerated, wasn’t it?

“Sungjin, it was just a hug to keep you warm, I am sorry if that was too much.”

“That’s what you call a hug? A HUG?”

“Well, it wasn’t the more intimate version of it, if you get what I mean.”

He only received a gasp from the elder. “I- Younghyun- Just don’t ever do that again.”

“You hugged me first. Sorry, but it’s true.”

“No reason for you to kiss me. “

“Why do you keep on talking about kissing? I don’t know whether you have a blurred imagination of exchanging caresses, but we did not kiss. Don’t tell me you were one of these students who believed that women get pregnant from kissing.” The younger now grinned mischievously.

“I want to hit you. Like…really.”

“Well, I feel more like you want to kiss rather than hit me.”

To Younghyun’s surprise he suddenly felt a stinging pain on his forehead caused by a not too amused Sungjin. He wasn’t too sure what the elder was talking about, and whether all of this was only the result of some weird fever dreams, because whatever the elder was talking about, he was certain that it never happened.

“You really didn’t kiss me, am I right?” He now said with a trace of hesitation and shame in his voice.

“No. But if you would feel better then let’s pretend I did.”

Park Sungjin was for sure a complicated and highly complex person and there was just something about him he couldn’t quite grasp yet. He was glad that the elder now seemed to have accepted what just happened and kept quiet. Though Younghyun himself wasn’t too sure either. The next five minutes he spent with observing his breath turning into wisps of mist with every breath. The cold slowly began to become unbearable and Younghyun was wondering how much longer they could withstand this situation – and he was not overexaggerating. Just when he was about to say something, Sungjin suddenly jumped up, not directly being able to find his balance and stumbled towards the front. When suddenly light filled the van, Sungjin rushed to open the door.

“Are you-“

“Sungjin, what happened are you okay??” He heard Wonpil’s familiar voice from outside. With relief filling his chest Younghyun climbed to the front as well, where the two friends were already waiting.

“Okay, you’re both alive, thanks god. Get into my car first and then we will see. We will pick up the car tomorrow, or I will ask a friend.”

The warmth of the heating in his car was overwhelming, not to forget the hot tea Wonpil had brought.

“I tried to reach you but when I couldn’t, I concluded something must have happened. I know the route pretty well, so I decided to drive up to the orphanage. Seriously, what happened??”

Sungjin just sighed. “I forgot to refill the tank and thought the petrol would still be enough for the way home, but apparently it wasn’t. And the canister was gone all of a sudden.“

“That was pretty thoughtless. And stupid Sungjin, like seriously. I was worried to death.”

“Younghyun, are you okay in the back? Are you warm enough?”

A slight smile crossed his lips and he couldn’t help but feel warmth filling his chest looking at the two in the front. “Yes, I am fine, don’t worry about me.” He now smiled at him and received a smile in return. He was a purely good person and Younghyun had never been more certain. Just the vibe he was giving off was consisting of warmth, brightness, and just any positive trait he could think of.

By the time they had found their way out of the country region it was already half past eleven. In the meantime, it had snowed, a lot, and streets were now covered with a thick layer of ice which made it impossible to drive any faster than 20 kilometres per hour.

“Younghyun, where exactly do you live?”

“Don’t worry, I can take a cab. No need for any more risks.”

“Are you crazy? Just now I was this close to taking you into a hospital, you’re not going anywhere alone tonight.”

Against all arguments they decided it was the closest to drop Sungjin first where they eventually also stayed, since it was almost impossible to get forward on the streets and the clock had stroked 1:30am upon arrival. Beside the fact that it was not the first time being in Sungjin’s flat, it felt a little odd being in there after everything that had happened. But as for now, Younghyun was simply glad to be safe.

“This is an exemption” Sungjin groaned after, due to space issues, he had to share his bed with Wonpil while Younghyun had taken the sofa. After everything he just couldn’t let him sleep on the floor right?

“Sungjin, I am sorry” Wonpil said into the dark, both of them lying back to back. At this very moment he was just very tired and was not eager to discuss all of this, but there was no way to escape.

“Why did you lie to me Wonpil? I know you must have had your reasons but still, why?”

Upon a deep breath he heard Wonpil turning so he was facing the ceiling, and so did Sungjin.

“She actually…is my girlfriend, or not or- I met her at school. She was one of my colleagues and I knew she liked me a lot. She was actually in love with me. But then she quit. Her sister is still a colleague of mine, so I got to know why she had actually quit her job.”

“Wonpil, I remember but why are you telling me this?”

“Wait, listen carefully. She quit after having been diagnosed with cancer, and a prognose of roughly three months.”

“I… am very sorry to hear that.”

Yet another sad story Sungjin had to react to. Still, despite of not knowing where this was going, Sungjin kept on listening carefully to the younger.

“And well, her sister asked me whether I would like to come over from time to time since she was permanently talking about me, how much she liked me and well-“

“Pretending as if you were in love with her as well?”

“Yes, Sungjin, you´re right.”

“Isn´t that as if you were lying to her?”

“Well, it’s a sweet lie, isn’t it? I like her, a lot, but not in that way. But I couldn’t say no.”

Younghyun and him had been right all along. Wonpil was a sweetheart and there couldn’t have been a better reason for lying to him.

“You could have told me.”

“Yes, I know but I thought you wouldn’t understand and also…I didn’t want you to think I would be putting priority on this rather than on our friendship.”

“How could I ever think that Wonpil. After everything we have been through. The two of us could fight wars and we would be the last men standing.” A wide grin now spread on both of their faces.

“True, isn’t it? Thank you Sungjin.”

“Thanks for telling me and also…for finding us tonight. Really. I don’t know whether we would have survived without you.”

“Seriously, I was so scared after I couldn’t reach neither of you. It’s actually to my surprise that you survived together in one car.” Wonpil started grinning.

“Wonpil, it’s weird. Everything…is weird. Really.”

“What is weird.”

“Me. I am being weird.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Another time, I’m really tired, and you need to wake up early for work as well. Okay…maybe I want to talk about it.”

“Huh? Okay, whatever you want to tell me, I´m not forcing you.”

“I…uhm-“ He didn’t know how to start this. It was embarrassing enough only thinking about it but talking? Never. How would Wonpil react? Maybe he should just keep quiet. Even though he was his best friend there was a possibility he would not understand. Would judge him.

“Sungjin?”

“When we were in that car waiting for you, we were sitting in the back and I must have fallen asleep while I was leaning on his shoulder-“

“Stop: Physical body contact? You??” Even though it was dark he could literally hear his best friend grinning.

“Yes. Maybe I was even hugging. But WHATEVER, the worst is yet to come. I dreamt that-“ He hesitated for a second.

“-well that he kissed me and I asked him how he could dare to do so. But it turned out that I was only dreaming. But at that moment I was certain it was real. It felt so real.”

“Sungjin, that does not sound like you, at all.”

“I know. Wonpil, it scared me, and it still does.”

“Did you return the kiss?”

“What??”

“In that dream. Did you return it?”

“Of course…not.” He was lying. Did he just lie? To his best friend? But he was scared.

“Well then it was just a dream, forget about it hm?” Strangely, against all expectations, Wonpil sounded rather indifferent. Almost neutral, which was something that was quite unusual, Wonpil being of the rather expressional, emotional type.

“Yeah, only a dream…”

Wonpil gave a short _Good night_ and turned his back towards him. He couldn’t have told him, not yet at least. It probably didn’t mean anything but still he didn’t want to give any room for speculations. Or maybe he was just seeking an excuse. Just when he had fallen asleep felt hours later, Sungjin was startled out of his sleep by a sudden muffled noise next door. 

“What is that??”

“Not what, who!” Sungjin jumped up immediately to rush over to the living room, where he found a completely desolated Younghyun sitting on the ground. His breath was fast and heavy, his body shivering all over and gaze directed onto the empty wall in front of him. Sungjin knew he couldn’t really do anything so he just knelt down next to him, softly holding both of his hands which were still cramping to fists. A tear escaped Younghyun, slowly running down his cheek.

“Sungjin what-“

“I don’t know, I think he… I don’t know, I do have a hunch to be honest, but let’s see. Younghyun, I am here alright?”

It took quite some time until Younghyun finally found back to himself and Sungjin just waited next to him, Wonpil watching the scene in front of him sceptically. Sungjin didn’t know when it would be over, but he was certain it would be over soon and so it was.

“What happened?” He now asked, his eyes displaying confusion, curiosity, sadness.

“You were just gone for a second, don’t worry.”

“That was…I never had this before I swear, Sungjin I am sorry I-“

“No need to be sorry okay?

“I- it felt like…it did not feel like I was asleep but rather…I don’t know- sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, really. Wonpil, could you maybe get my hot water bottle? And you, no word, it´s okay” he now commanded, eyes directed towards Younghyun. It felt weird seeing him like this; not the cunning, rich, charismatic real estate boy, but only Younghyun who was just as vulnerable as anyone else, sitting there on his sofa in Sungjins Pyjama, messy hair – a human being like anyone else. He couldn’t say he enjoyed seeing him like this, that would be cruel. But still it was nice to see this side of him.

In the time being Wonpil had brought his hot water-bottle and Sungjin a hot cup of tea, which Younghyun took gratefully; but at the same time he seemed so uncomfortable. Whatever had happened just now must have left its traces. Now checking the clock is was already half past three in the morning. Wouldn’t it be alright to close the shop for one day? No. No he wouldn’t. The shop had never been closed and especially in these cold winter days it often was a place for everyone to find warmth, community, laughter, and a roof over their head for those who hadn’t otherwise.

“Go to bed, both of you, I am fine.” Younghyun now mumbled.

“Finish your tea first and we will see.”

“Well then, I gotta leave first if that’s alright because I need my sleep.” And Wonpil was gone.

When Younghyun made space for Sungjin to sit down, he seemed to avoid any eye contact. To break the silence Sungjin decided to turn on the TV to put on some late-night cartoons, probably repetitions from the day before. “I always get tired in front of the TV.”

Younghyun now smiled. “Me too actually. When I couldn’t sleep, my dad used to turn on the TV and we watched these cartoons together. My mom actually fell asleep before I did and my dad used to put a blanket on us and usually fell asleep in the armchair next to us.” A sad smile crossed Younghyun’s face. Sungjin smiled as he remembered having similar memories of his childhood. Memories a part of him wanted to forget but also to remember. These precious times he had, that warm familiar feeling of having a place to belong to. He had not forgotten about his past, no, there was not a day when he was not thinking about it and all those memories had definitely shaped the man he is today – positively and negatively. But he was alright – he really was after all he had been through. Was he? He didn’t know. Was there a common definition of “alright”? Sometimes Sungjin thought humans were just telling themselves they were alright to avoid any unpleasant confrontation. It made things a little easier at least. And maybe the younger who was now snoring next to him was one of these human beings.

He didn’t remember when he fell asleep yesterday when he suddenly woke up where Younghyun should still be lying but apparently wasn’t. Instead, he only noticed the empty armchair next to him. _How the hell-_ Sungjin got distracted when he saw two notes stuck on the table, one clearly Wonpil’s.

_Take your time, I asked a friend to pick up the car with me, and Younghyun helped me to prepare in the morning, don’t know whether he is still there since he had work to do. But as I said, TAKE YOUR TIME. The world goes on without you for five minutes._

_Seriously. You´re not that important. Junpyo is gonna rock that thing for sure. And thank you, for everything. -That Kang guy_

Despite of how much he was thinking Younghyun was annoying, a wide grin now crossed his lips and he pressed his head back into the pillow. It was barely 8 o´clock and he trusted Wonpil with his life, so it would not hurt to close his eyes for just a few more minutes?

When he arrived at the shop two hours later there was indeed Junpyo working at the counter, and to his surprise without any headphones. Going to the back office he didn’t really expect to see anyone, but saw Younghyun sitting at the office desk, still in his favourite sweater, his admittedly tired looking eyes focused on his laptop and fingers literally flying over the keyboard. _He must have barely had three hours of sleep, how could he be this concentrated at this stage?_

“No need to stare at me, I know I look shitty.”

“No, I…I bought breakfast, and brought coffee. Close your laptop for a while, you must be tired.”

Following a big sigh Younghyun closed his laptop and moved it away to put down the breakfast on the desk in front of them. Two hot coffees and four baguettes.

“Okay so I bought four different baguettes, two each which-“

“Oh boss, you bought breakfast?” Junpyo now came in eying the baguettes he had bought in excitement. Just before he was about to say anything, he saw that _Don’t you dare_ look on Younghyun´s face.

“You always bring your own so would you mind eating that please?”

“Okay” Junpyo just shrugged his shoulders and went to work at the counter.

“You know I am very proud of you right now.”

“Don’t be annoying and eat huh?”

“Oho, look at that.” A big grin now escaped Younghyun’s lips. “Thank you by the way for…buying this. I will pay you back and also I have…maybe eventually bought a rice cooker just PLEASE don’t give it away.”

Sungjin could have now said something but he as well knew that a rice cooker would be great to have at the shop, hence, he had nothing to put against Younghyun’s word in case they would argue. “Guess we’re good then? How did you know I liked curry, even with cheese that’s the best.”

“It is, right? Just a good guess. But all of them are good so-“

“That’s also very true.”

“Younghyun, how are you?” Sungjin now cautiously asked.

“I’m okay. Sorry for yesterday. It never happened and it won’t ever happen again. Really.” The younger did not sound too convinced in any way. No. Rather insecure, vulnerable, hurt. As much as Sungjin wanted to believe him, he couldn’t. And Younghyun probably knew that.

“You’re not a good liar.”

“Well, that’s why I prefer to tell the truth…or at least try to. Sungjin, I know that must have looked…weird. But for now I am okay and maybe it’s fine. Probably just the result of our little adventure yesterday. If you remember”, Younghyun wanted to say with a mischievous grin, but it died after only a second. “And you? Are you okay?”

“Me?” Sungjin was surprised. “I am completely fine…”

“At least you know the truth about Wonpil.” Upon seeing the confusion on Sungjin’s face, Younghyun continued explaining. “He told me this morning, no worries. I knew he was a good one.”

“Yes. And I’m glad. Really…what are you working on at the moment?”

Younghyun, who seemed relieved that he had now changed the topic, only sighed. “Just some company reports, preparations for my winter courses and- what I wanted to ask you. Have you checked the post yet?”

“No. I can do it later.”

“Say, is this shop your own? I mean this property?”

“This? Yeah, it is, it´s mine. I took a loan.”

“Okay great, that helps a lot actually.”

“Yes no one can take it right?” Sungjin raised his eyebrows.

“Not really, still I am a little worried.”

“Why?”

“Not everyone is as nice as I am. Seriously.”

“Nice?” Sungjin grinned mischievously. “Well…”

“Seriously.”

Okay, now Sungjin actually got a little scared. It might be because he was tired and had worked the whole morning, but he hasn’t even seen the younger smile properly for once. And actually, Sungjin couldn’t find anything to talk about, well, there was indeed so much to discuss and talk about, but nothing would help to lighten up the mood. This estate thing, Younghyun’s attacks, that, admittingly, weird kiss attack which apparently was only a cuddle attack. Sungjin couldn’t help but feeling his face turning red thinking of last night.

“Isn’t it pretty warm in here?”

“Warm?? Sungjin are you…okay? You look like you have a fever.” 

Sungjin suddenly shivered when Younghyun put his hand on his forehead, ignoring that his heart had skipped a beat once again. Sungjin hesitated.

“Maybe. Actually, no I don’t think so. I feel alright.”

With a wide grin Younghyun took the last bite of his first baguette and took another one.

“Sungjin, Sungjin” an overly hysterical Junpyo now entered the room, breathing heavily. There are some strange people out there and I don’t know, they want to talk to you. Please. I asked what they want but they didn’t want to tell me.”

Sungjin now remembered Younghyun’s words _Keep your eyes open, we are not the only ones out there_. A part of him wanted to run and not face what was going to await him. His worst expectations grew even bigger when he looked into the worried, yet not surprised face of the younger. He was waiting for some comment like _I told you, you should open your post_ but it didn’t happen.

“Sungjin you should go. I can’t, otherwise they will know that we know each other. And that wouldn’t do good in your situation. And in case it goes completely wrong you can count on me.”

“Wait, you know who these people are and what they want?” He didn’t know what to think.

“I know how this works. They will offer you money, Sungjin. And you gotta tell them _yes_ , or _get the hell out of here_. No worries, you can do it.”

Entering the selling room, he saw an elderly, chic and well-dressed lady approximately in her mid-fifties guided by two admittingly well-built and tall men in black suits.

“Mr Park? Nice to meet you, Ms Lee, head of Royale Estate. Since you didn’t respond to our letter, I thought we might spend you a visit.”

“Park Sungjin, owner of this place, how can I help you. I indeed have not checked any post yet.”

“In short, we would like to buy this property from you and would offer 300.000.000 Won.”

Not that Sungjin wasn’t impressed by the amount, that was loads of money and if he wouldn’t have been prepared for this he might have reacted differently. For sure.

“Well this property isn’t for sale and it won’t ever be, I am highly sorry.”

“Mr Park, all of this is part of a new community centre and it would actually do people good if you would do-“

“I said no. Have I made myself clear? Now please leave. In case I will change my mind I am delighted to come back to you.”

“300.000.000 Won. Mr Park, imagine what you could do with this money. How many people you could help with this.”

“Don’t. Please leave. It was nice to meet you Ms Lee, but my answer is no.”

“Well then, think about it. Believe me, I am sure this is not the last time we will meet.”

The pressure on his chest slowly disappeared when the door finally closed.

“Only 300.000.000 Won? Tz, I can’t believe it. That’s ridiculous. And she actually lied to you. It’s not gonna solely serve the purpose of being a community centre.”

“Ridiculous?? That’s some pretty big amount of money?”

“Oh Sungjin, you don’t know what I have seen.”

“Say, Younghyun: one question. I just said no to them, shouldn’t it be alright now? I mean they can’t force me to sell it right?”

“Well, no.”

“So, what’s the problem? Why are you here then?”

“Because –“

“You are sure it’s not because of self-interest?” _Did he just say that out loud?_

“Sungjin, are…are you serious?”

“Yes, Younghyun. It’s just, I don’t get it.“ And suddenly Sungjin regretted what he just said, but somehow there was doubts crawling up his chest. Why? Until just now he had trusted him.

“Honestly, I was afraid because their methods can be a bit…harsh. Believe me. I think I just wanted to see how the shop is doing in general, getting an idea. Sungjin, I know your numbers don’t look too good currently.”

“Okay, wait. My numbers are not your problem alright? I can handle this pretty much on my own.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Sungjin. Your numbers do not look good at all, so I actually have it all planned out.”

Sungjin didn’t know what he meant by planned out, but how the hell did he know about his finances? He wouldn’t be surprised if he had actually checked his numbers on the computer while he was gone. Suddenly he realized how messed up and weird this whole situation was. Was he scared? Or maybe he was afraid the younger would be invested into his life too much? Would put too much effort into all of this? Or maybe he was just afraid to get hurt? Disappointed? Afraid of the unknown? Then again why else would he help him? Sungjin wasn’t sure.

“Sorry, I saw the numbers while tidying up this place so-“ Younghyun defended himself.

“Okay. Younghyun seriously, this all…is weird and messed up and I don’t know, whatever, great that you have a plan but I have got it all figured out. End of the story.”

“You don’t, right?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Need some help?”

“Yes. But no.”

“Whatever.”

“Wait, Younghyun no, I’m sorry for what I just said, it’s just…”

“You don’t trust me?”

“Should I be honest with you? Right now, after what just happened, I don’t know.”

Though disappointed the younger seemed to agree. “No worries, I understand. Very well, actually.”

It was weird. There was so much between them they should talk about, so many unsolved questions and problems, but neither of them seemed to actually want to speak it out loud. Yes, his finances were not the best, he needed help, but at the same time he had Younghyun sitting here who had come out of nowhere from the same type of company, suddenly wanting to help him while probably going through some psychological issues he was avoiding and loads of pressure and stress and honestly, this was a mess. His thoughts were going into thousands of directions at a time, so he didn’t even know how to sort them and finally, where to start talking about them.

“So, should I stay?”

“Yes, please.”

The rest of the afternoon they did not spend talking as much. Younghyun went back to work on his laptop, while the elder was basically doing what he was doing everyday. Tiredness would overcome Younghyun steadily and he was not sure how long he could still stay awake. Looking at the clock it was already seven in the evening and yes, he felt like lying down on the spot and not waking up again. To avoid any of this happening Younghyun quickly grabbed the coat next to him and found himself standing in front of Sungjin 10 minutes later with an amazingly hot coffee and cinnamon latte for the elder.

“God, that’s amazing, just what I needed, but how did you know?“ Sungjin sounded impressed.

“I never knew who he was, but I always saw Wonpil ordering the same hot drinks over and over again. Actually you should know that I visited this coffee shop rather often before already so…easy deduction.”

Sungjin just nodded, obviously a little impressed by the younger. “Yeah, right, I have seen you a couple of times indeed.”

“Anyways, thank you. And Younghyun?”

“Yes?”

“I trust you. Sorry for doubting you, I was just-“

Younghyun smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “No worries, I actually understand that you are doubting, a lot. I would do that too. I told you.”

“Thank you.”

Just before Sungjin was about to close the shop he heard someone entering the front door and was more than surprised to hear Wonpil giggling and even more surprised, when he saw that rascal Dowoon next to him, both now placing two big boxes on the cash desk. Sungjin’s heart jumped a little when he saw the two of them together. Pride filled his chest upon seeing Dowoon, not wanting to do anything and basically not caring about anything, having left home and parting ways with his parents back then, is now standing here, having a proper job and laughing carelessly with his best friend. _What a small world._

“Sungjin, look who I met outside.” 

Sungjin couldn’t help but rushing towards Dowoon and hugging him tightly. Wonpil, who had widened his eyes in surprise and envy, now turned towards Younghyun.

“Should we too…?”

“Nope.” Younghyun now answered whispering and crunching his nose.

“Okay, no then.” Wonpil then grinned when Younghyun put his arm around his shoulder anyways.

“Sungjin, what-“ Dowoon grinned, still in shock.

“Sorry, I just got a little emotional. What’s in these boxes anyway?”

“Christmas decoration for your shop. I asked Dowoon to bring it along, sorry if it’s sudden.” Younghyun now spoke up.

“No…no it’s alright.” 

“We could actually do it altogether right? Decorating the shop?”, Wonpil grinned brightly.

Sungjin was convinced that he had drunken too much, way too much. Usually he wasn’t that type that got drunk quickly, but he was clearly out of practise. And he had known, but every time he was about to refuse another drink, his hands had already decided otherwise. Wonpil and Younghyun seemed pretty much fine compared to Dowoon who seemed to be a complete mess. Hadn’t Younghyun and Wonpil drunken as much as he did? He was certain. With a deep groan Sungjin placed his head on the table, facing Younghyun to his right.

“Seriously, your so-called Busan drink battle was non-sense, look at you.” Wonpil wanted to say in a serious tone but ended up laughing anyways, followed by a hick-up he couldn’t control. Okay, declared drunk too. “Younghyun, why are you not drunk?” Sungjin now mumbled quietly, too lazy to speak properly.

“Because I’m smart.”

“You know you can be very annoying.”

Not being prepared for it and admittingly too drunk to react quickly, Younghyun suddenly placed his head on the table now facing Sungjin and his eyes staring directly into his. _Too close, way too close_ Sungjin thought.

A wide grin now spread on Younghyun’s face: “I know.”

Now observing his face a little closer, Sungjin noticed how gorgeous this man actually was – his sharp jawline& nose were in contrast to his cheeks which were a little chubby and squishable. His eyes were sharp too but still there was so much more in them, they seemed curious, mischievous, sad, loving – a deep ocean of a beautiful hidden mind. _Stop-_

Sungjin was certain he was having these thoughts because he was drunk, right? _Maybe._ But he couldn’t deny the truth behind his thoughts in either way.

“Can I poke your cheek?”

“What??” Younghyun’s eyes now widened in surprise.

 _Wait, what_ – Sungjin wasn’t sure whether ANYTHING he was saying was still in his control. Wonpil just breathed in sharply opposite him and put his hand on his forehead, disbelief showing clearly.

“You are drunk, you can squish my cheeks when we get you home.”

“Ok.”

Younghyun thought it was adorable how Sungjin acted when he was drunk. Luckily, he hadn’t really drunken that much, unlike anyone else on the table. They had found themselves a cosy small restaurant not too far from where Sungjin lived, initially to have some Barbecue, which however ended up in a drinking battle between two Busan men who hadn’t seen each other in years. And Wonpil, he was just... bad at drinking. Younghyun himself would have loved to get drunk with all these thoughts circulating in his head, thoughts that were driving him crazy, thoughts he did not want to have. He was lying when he said he was fine, he was anything, but not fine after all. But he could not get drunk, not when he had this much to do and important things to finish. Hence teasing the drunken elder was the perfect distraction. And he was certain he would probably never see Sungjin acting like that again and eventually, after all of this, he would probably never see him again after all. A strange feeling suddenly overcame him. Thinking about it, he had gotten so used to the elder’s presence that he didn’t even want to think about what would be after.

“Okay, everyone its 11pm and I really need to sleep, I gotta work tomorrow, same as for all of you.” Dowoon now declared and took his car keys.

“Ya, Dowoon, you think I’m gonna let you drive around like that? Take the day off Dowoon, I’m fine.”

“Really boss?”

“Sure”

Dowoon gave a surprised smile and high-fived Wonpil directly after. It was great to see Dowoon getting along with Wonpil so well and it was more than enjoyable to watch these two goofing around. Dowoon had never seemed like the type to hang out with friends a lot. He was working hard and gave his best at any second, not once he had disappointed Younghyun’s family. Well, now it made sense knowing who had been life-coaching him for years. He glanced and smiled at Sungjin for a second. Giving Dowoon an extra day off seemed like the best decision, no matter what his family would say. A fair decision.

“Okay, let’s leave then.”

“I’m…just gonna sleep here. It’s cold outside so I won’t go out, just leave me alone then, it’s okay.”

“Sungjin, you gotta get up now.” Wonpil now bragged and tried to help him to get up by pulling his arm, which clearly failed when his arm just dropped back on the table without any effort to hold it up. “Sungjin, don’t be like that again. That’s why I hate you when you’re drunk, you’re so stubborn.”

“Wonpil, go home already, I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

Younghyun was speechless when Wonpil actually turned around and was about to leave.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Younghyun. You won’t get him to leave until he is getting sober. But staff knows him already so it should be fine.”

“Dowoon will come with me since he can’t drive anyway and we need to catch up on old times. Good luck Younghyun.” That fake fighting of Wonpil did not really help Younghyun anyhow.

“Dowoon, you know I could easily take back your day off.”

“But I know you won’t.”

“You r- no, I won’t.”

“Seriously Younghyun, let him be. Trust me.”

As much as he believed Wonpil, he did not really want to go and leave the elder behind like that. Instead he went back and sat down in front of him this time after Wonpil and Dowoon were out of sight.

“Wonpil, I told you to leave- What are you still doing here.”

“Not leaving you behind in this state.”

“What state, I’m okay.”

“Then will you come home with me at least?”

“Ah that…no.”

“Sungjin.”

“What! Younghyun seriously, what are you doing here like, why did you appear in front of my store that day. You´re driving me crazy.” Sungjin moaned with his eyes still closed.

“I told you.” But Younghyun was not so sure either. Why was he still here? Because this business was dangerous, and he was actually scared something would happen to the elder and his shop? Yes, maybe. But maybe it was just the fact that it felt nice to have a someone, a friend even, someone around whom he felt he was allowed to be himself around. His “friends” from university were usually sons and daughters of rich families and competing companies – and he was not so sure whether friendship would find a healthy basis there.

“I…told you.” He now mumbled almost and decided to get up. “Get on.” Younghyun now turned his back towards Sungjin and told him to get on his back.

“Younghyun.”

“Just do it. Please?”

The elderly lady who had served them basically the whole evening just gave him a thumbs up and quickly started cleaning the last table of the day, when Sungjin actually got up and clung onto Younghyun’s back.

“Maybe we should start eating less.”

“Hey, your suggestion” he know complained and leaned his head on Younghyun’s shoulder as Younghyun tried not to slip on the icy ground. It was a rather mild winter night, still the streets were quite empty. Younghyun noticed some people taking glances at them but he didn’t care.

“Sungjin we have arrived, I will let you down okay?”

“No, it’s warm. I can’t walk up the stairs like this can I?” He grunted and handed the keys to Younghyun, who just smiled to himself – _stubborn indeed_.

“There you go. I can’t drag you further than your bed I’m afraid, you have to fall asleep yourself.”

“Can’t…you stay?” He heard the elder asking hesitantly, but that was for sure only the alcohol speaking. He still managed to get out to grab a glass of water to put it next to the elders bed until-

“I mean it, can’t you stay?”

“Sungjin, I- I will take the sofa okay?”

“Okay, good night”, Sungjin now mumbled before snuggling deeper into his pillow with a content smile.


	5. Trust

Looking at the sofa he did not feel too comfortable about what happened last night. Whatever it had been, ever since he was carrying this bad feeling with him. As if something was pressing on his chest with every step he took. But he was sure it would not happen again, wouldn’t it?

_It was just a phase._

When he finally managed to make himself a hot water bottle and find a blanket, he realized after lying down for at least an hour that he was more than awake even though he had only slept for three hours last night. To his relief he found Sungjin’s guitar standing next to the TV, brought it back to the sofa, still covered in his blanket, and hummed some soft melodies into the dark.

Deepened in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Sungjin making his way towards the sofa, now sitting towards Younghyun’s right. His hair was messy, and he was only wearing a plain white T-Shirt, boxers and slippers; alcohol had definitely left its traces, but he was still looking good – _how_?

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No don´t worry, I’m a light sleeper anyways and there were some people partying outside so…don’t worry.”

“Shouldn’t you still be drunk…?”

“Ah that-“ Before he could say anything further his face turned bright red and the elder seemed to have struggles finding the right words. “I get sober quite quickly, that’s it.”

“Or maybe you were too lazy to walk home and pretended to be too drunk to walk? Oh, and I hope it was alright if I took your guitar. “

Seemingly relieved that he had changed the topic he now turned towards Younghyun.

_He couldn’t have been that drunk_ Younghyun grinned to himself.

“Yes, you’re fine, I know you would treat it well. Can’t sleep?”

“Not really, no. I don’t know, I just feel…restless.”

“We can exchange beds if you want to.”

“No worries, I can sleep anywhere so the where would not make a difference actually”, Younghyun now grinned and was about to put the guitar away, when he suddenly felt Sungjin grabbing his arm to prevent him from doing so.

“Just continue, it’s calming to hear. Not used to listen to others playing the guitar for me.”

“But first get under the blanket as well, your outfit looks pretty...airy.”

Younghyun couldn’t help but chuckle when the elder looked down on himself in panic and quickly joined Younghyun under the blanket, still keeping a certain distance.

“Doesn’t anyone at home miss you? Like… your stepbrother, or stepmom, or your dad?”

“No, I just tell them I’m staying with a girl or friend or something and they are usually fine with it.”

“Well, you’re 25 years old after all, aren’t you?”

“Yes, that’s true. And also, I’m not even lying, am I?”

“Well, I don’t know, are you? Are you not?”

Even Younghyun didn’t know what their relationship was at this stage. It seemed as one part of the elder wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible, but on the other hand drunk Sungjin had asked him to stay, and even right now he didn’t seem too drunk either. “Let’s just pretend you’re not, Sherlock.”

“Alright, Watson.” With a warm feeling spreading in his chest Younghyun continued playing the same melody from before which he then mixed with some soft major chords, still humming some broken lyrics, next to Sungjin who had already fallen asleep next to him by now. _How could someone fall asleep as quickly as he could?_ Younghyun was admittedly impressed. Maybe he was still drunk after all.

_I wish I was better,_

_But because of you I’m better, better, better baby_

_*_

Sungjin woke up the other morning, latter words and melody being stuck in his head ever since falling asleep yesterday. Alcohol had definitely left its traces, but he felt surprisingly well; it had only been soju and beer anyways. Opening his eyes, he slowly noticed it was still dark outside which was very common during this season in Seoul. It was only now that Sungjin noticed he was not alone, when he felt Younghyun’s bare legs, who was lying the opposite direction, intertwined with his. Out of panic he tried to release his legs when he all of a sudden heard the younger scream out in pain.

“Damn Sungjin what are you- that was definitely my lower region.”

“Oh my god, Younghyun I’m sorry I wasn’t aware that…that-“

“That what, I’m just as much a man as you are? Never mind, but it fucking hurts.”

“Younghyun, sorry I-“

“Nevermind, I’m okay.” Younghyun attempted to sit up but cried out silently “Give me a minute please.”

“I will make breakfast, how about that?”

“Sounds good. Helping by telepathy. Damn it-“

Sungjin had panicked, it was not that he had done it on purpose. Sungjin was not the person to dislike any kind of physical contact all the time, but he surely wasn’t very much in favour of it either. But he did not panic because of that – and that scared him. He did not feel uncomfortable when he woke up to so much skin – no. He _liked_ it.

Even though it felt strange, he couldn’t help but spare another look at the younger on the couch who was now busy on his phone.

_“No, nothing yet. No…Why I wasn’t home? It’s not that you ever cared…Mind your own business…yes. I will be at the meeting later, I have prepared the presentation, yes. Yes, see you. Yeees, love you too.”_

“Who was that?”

“Only Jae, my stepbrother. I need to leave in around an hour, but I can be back around evening at the shop if that is alright.”

“You know initially I only hired you for the weekends? You don’t need to be here this often during the week. Like…at the shop, not here in my flat like-”

_Get your shit together Sungjin._

“Just tell me directly if you don’t want me there, Sungjin. I would understand.”

 _No_! Sungjin wanted to scream but something prevented him from doing so. He needed to keep a certain distance to the younger, otherwise he wouldn’t be sure what would happen if he actually stayed close. He had admittingly felt weird through the past few days and that had only one valid reason.

“Stay for breakfast first huh? It’s not that I want to get rid of you, I just want you to not overwork yourself.” And in some way that was correct, wasn’t it? The younger looked tired, exhausted, did he mention tired? He needed a proper bed, not his sofa. As he was heating up the pan, he suddenly turned around to see Younghyun changing right in front of him, his face still turning in pain.

“You´re staring, again” he smirked out of nowhere, still facing Sungjin with his broad shoulders. It’s not that he was extremely muscular, no, but Sungjin thought his back – no, he -was…attractive.

“Maybe I’m just jealous. Take that as a win, alright?” Sungjin now replied with a half-hearted smile and put two fried eggs on each plate.

“Jealous?” Younghyun now grinned in disbelief. “Honestly, I have gained like four kilograms within the last few weeks and…growing. I don’t even manage to work out”, he now turned towards the elder.

“You sound very different from the first time I saw you like this, don’t you?”

“That does not mean I am not confident though.”

“Yeah but could you do me a favour and put that shirt back on, it feels a little weird preparing breakfast and seeing you half naked to be honest.”

He must have sounded like a complete idiot, seriously. _Who do you think you are Park Sungjin?_

“Sorry, for that-“ He now sat down at the table, still a trace of pain left on his face when he did so.

“No, I…am sorry for…that, you know? And for…getting me out of there drunk. I can be very stubborn.”

“Oh hell, yes” Younghyun now grinned taking another bite of his toast. “I kind of enjoyed the view.”

“Ya…No seriously, you should sleep home tonight, the sofa won’t do you any good for sure”

“I should, right?”

“Yeah…say, Jae.”

“What about him?”

“What is he like?”

Younghyun now looked at him in surprise.

“Well, not that asshole you painted him when you first got to know that he is engaged to Becca.”

“Okay, Younghyun, I’m sorry okay? I didn’t want to be rude or anything. Yes, I might have some prejudices but so do you. Sorry?”

“No worries…okay, you’re right. No, Jae he is a great man, really. He does have his principles, can be stubborn and also oversensitive, but deep down he is caring, understanding and especially fair. And even though he is rational when it comes to work, he just…tends to overinterpret and overthink too much at times which is why I keep certain things secret. But overall, deep down he just cares for everyone so much and once he loves someone, he is willing to give his everything. So, if this is about Becca, she is in good hands.”

“Mhh, okay. I never met him so I will just believe you. “

“You can, promised.”

“Does he know about you? And the shop?”

Younghyun stopped chewing for a second. “No. I will tell him soon but for now he thinks it is the best idea to convince you to…just sell to us.”

Sungjin breathed in sharply. He knew Younghyun was honest, but this hit. Oddly, none of them seemed to want to continue the conversation until Younghyun broke the silence.

“Will you believe me if I say that I am trying to convince him that there is another solution?”

“Like what?”

“…I don’t know. Yet. I’m working on it, I’m trying everything to re-design to make the shop fit.”

“No…no I trust you.” Whereas deep down he was simply asking himself if all of this wasn’t a pure waste of time, a situation that was destined to not end well. What if there was no other possible outcome than him selling to those rich bastards? The smile Younghyun now threw at him however, that bright smile where his eye seemed to disappear with that tiny nose crunch, it seemed to let him forget all these worries for a second, and just caused his heart to flutter - and he thought he might just die on the spot. Why did it affect him so much? _Just why?_

“Thank you Sungjin…I should leave. Thanks for the breakfast and…everything, I will just quickly help with the dishes-“

“Not at all, go Younghyun, I can do that on my own at least.” Sungjin now grinned at him sarcastically and watched the younger pack his stuff before he then turned around one last time.

“How do I look?”

“You’re not gonna answer that yourself?”

“No, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking you.” _What was he even, seriously_. “You look good, as basically always.”

Instead of a self-centred comment Sungjin only got a bright smile in exchange.

“Thank you Sungjin, see you tonight?”

“Yes, see you tonight.”

Only when the younger had closed the door behind him, Sungjin felt like he was finally being able to breathe again.

_7:15 (Sungjin) Wonpil, can we talk later? Please??_

_7:16 (Wonpil) What happened?? O.o_

_7:17 (Sungjin) Remember our talk?_

_7:19 (Wonpil) I will come over and we can talk about whatever is bothering you._

_7:19 (Sungjin) The problem is what is NOT bothering me._

_7:20 (Wonpil) Okay, sounds pretty urgent._

_7:20 (Sungjin): It is…_

_7:20 (Wonpil) Ok._

_7:20 (Sungjin) Aren’t you supposed to work now?_

_7:20 (Wonpil): Yes, boss, see you later._

_7:20 (Sungjin) Lol_

Younghyun was not very much looking forward to this day – not at all. Not only that he had Chinese courses in the morning, he was about to see his favourite classmates – his very favourite classmates he preferred to ignore for most of the time. Luckily, he would be heading for a client presentation at the company later which would hopefully finish quickly. He wished he could have taken more winter courses from the music major, but it was completely impossible. As he was progressing with his studies, he gradually started to take over more responsibilities within the company. It’s not that he didn’t like it, he liked it, but it was stressful and just sometimes a little too much. But that was what his life was destined to be, wasn’t it? Stressful?

“Hey, Kang, Brian, good to see you around” someone greeted him with that ugly broken English and put his arm around his shoulder. How much he hated it when Han - or “Hunter” how he loved to call himself in English - pretended to be native American while he sounded like an entire idiot. And that damn name – Brian. Just why did he tell them? He just hated it so much. It reminded him of the past and he had told everyone to stop a thousand times, but no chance. Han now greeted another girl they were often hanging out with, Sohee, who now smiled at Younghyun, throwing her hair elegantly off her shoulder. All of them were sons and daughters of major Real Estate companies, and Han no one else than the son of Royal Estate, the company they were competing against in that Seocho project. His mom was rather scary and Younghyun was surprised Sungjin had taken it so well that day, just so well.

Ever since his favourite classmate and study buddy Terry had moved to Canada some months ago, Younghyun wasn’t really fond of finding new friends. However, these two, Han and Sohee, somehow assumed Younghyun had felt lonely ever since, and started to befriend with him. Younghyun guessed they had been lonely, just as himself – with the slight difference that he was okay with it. One might assume the richest of all would find friends easily. But no – that was not the case. And he kind of understood them. University could feel a little lonely, and with their background it was the hardest to find people whom were interested in them for whom they were, and not where they were from. It’s not that he disliked Sohee and Han, it’s just that their values, attitudes and worldviews rarely seemed to match. He wouldn’t call them friends either, but in the end, they somehow got along well, and neither had he heard the two badmouthing anyone who didn’t deserve it.

“I heard you’re competing against us in that Seocho project, how is it going Brian?”

“Good, very good indeed. I hope you’re not giving up yet?”

“Oh, no not really. You know if we want something, we get it, however we do.”

The last three words caused a shiver to run down his spine. Indeed, Royal Estate was known for its harsh methods, one more reason to stay onto this project – and Sungjin. He didn’t know how all of this would turn out, but he also didn’t want to scare the elder too much yet.

“Why not play fair this time, Hunter?”

“You said it yourself, my name is Hunter, and fair. Younghyun, fair does not exist in our business, you should know that too well.” An unidentifiable expression crossed his face. “Let’s get some food huh?”

“No thank you, I gotta work on a presentation before class starts.” And he left. Glad he was able to escape the conversation, he decided to ignore the three missed calls from Jae and talk to him later, grabbed two sandwiches from the cafeteria and opened his Laptop – but he did not get any further before class finally started. _What a great day_.

The happier he was when the presentation was finished around 4pm in the afternoon. The client presentation had gone well, and he would also be able to finish paperwork later at home. Or well, maybe at the shop. Wasn’t it weird that ever since that day he started, that was the part of the day he was looking forward to the most? Going to that charity shop, to that small stuffed charity shop supporting people to his very discontent, with that stubborn but warm-hearted, tolerant, food-loving, somewhat clumsy, way to selfless owner? Yes, it was weird, but he couldn’t help it. It was surprising to see how well Sungjin accepted him, honestly. It was not normal for him to accept someone like Younghyun in his life knowing where he was coming from and it was the easiest to assume that his intentions might have not been good, by far. He could just be like Hunter, sneaking in there to bring him down. Yes, he had told Sungjin that he would help - but what was a word.

On his way to the shop he saw some seemingly homeless teenagers sitting in the corner of a narrow side street, surprisingly playing a round of cards. This time it was not an assumption; he had seen the five of them talking to Sungjin at the shop before, and he had to admit they were nice kids with sad stories to tell. But still a bunch of teenagers who would turn into people Younghyun would dislike in the future – at least it was very likely.

“I feel bad guys” the boy with shoulder-long hair moaned.

“Yeah, but the money, do you know how much that is? Jinhoon, seriously. You think I feel good about it?”

“Well, if that old man didn’t know how to gamble? Gambling is all about bluffing and that old man was confident enough to play with us.”

“What are you t-“ That boy named Jinhoon now glanced at Younghyun, upon which a mix of surprise and panic crossed his face. “ Ah, yes but still, we should have …I don’t know, it’s alright I suppose” he still didn’t sound convinced but didn’t spend another glance at him. As he was certain that he would surely get upset if he would listen to more details of the story, Younghyun decided to just ignore them and let them be. When he arrived at the shop Sungjin was standing behind the cash desk and talking to Wonpil. Neither of them seemed to have noticed Younghyun entering the shop, until Wonpil gave Sungjin a warning look.

“Younghyun, you’re here already.”

They couldn’t have been more obvious.

“Go ahead, you were talking about me, right?” Younghyun now went to the back office, just to find Sungjin following him shortly.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were talking?”

“Yes, but I just want you to know it was not…in a negative way.”

“So that’s why you had to stop? Sungjin, I’m not stupid.”

“No trust me please, I just can’t tell you what this was about, seriously. Would you Younghyun? Trust me?”

In any other case Younghyun would have not given in, not believed the other party; but there was something in his eyes that was beautiful: truth. More than this clumsy, stupid but warm-hearted and friendly charity shop owner. Park Sungjin. “I trust you.”

“Thank you...”

“Say, some days ago we were talking about a group of teenagers, right?”

“Uhm, you mean Jinhoon? And his friends? Yes, nice kids but…”

“It sounded as if they were tricking some grandpa with gambling and took his money.”

“Again?? They promised me they would not do it again. To be honest, I hope he still has the job I helped him getting onto. I’m trying my best with them. I even had Jinhoon staying over for some weeks when his dad started beating him up. He is locked up…luckily, but his mom abandoned him, thinking it’s his fault that his father is gone. She’s just blind.”

“Poor boy…but still no reason to scam old people” Younghyun frowned.

“I will talk to him, promised.”

“Anyways I did some planning to be honest, on how to get the shop back on track.”

“Okay, seems important. Let’s talk then?”

The probably next half hour they were sitting in front of Younghyun’s Laptop, Younghyun outlining his various ideas to the elder. He wasn’t so sure whether the elder would like his ideas or even trust in what he was doing but at least Sungjin listened to the very end, did not even interrupt him once all this time. From how he wanted to give a small Christmas concert, to a family special, to speeches and events of sharing personal stories of failure and success and how Sungjin had helped, a Christmas party-

“People need to talk. People talking to other people who are talking to other people…word-of-mouth is the best advertisement you can get, believe me”

Sungjin just gave him a sceptical look. “And you think this is possible until this week?”

“Sungjin, it’s literally six days until Christmas, of course not. Let me figure it out…timewise.”

“Younghyun, you’re already busy enough. It’s great that you want to help but…”

“No but. I will help, whatever it costs. Promised.”

At this very stage Younghyun was not so sure what was going on in the elder’s head. Shouldn’t he rather feel bothered by his presence? Make him responsible for all of this? It was weird. He had made pretty much clear that he disliked people like him, but despite of everything Sungjin just nodded and took the summary Younghyun had prepared.

“Thank you, Younghyun. But honestly, you don’t need to be here, seriously.”

“Sungjin, if you want me to leave completely just tell me and I will leave immediately.”

“No, no…you- ARGH” He almost screamed in frustration and went off to the front of the shop.

 _What was wrong with him?_ Younghyun thought to himself. He didn’t quite understand the elder. Neither did it feel as if the elder wanted to get rid of him nor that he wanted him to stay. Maybe he just needed some space? He just didn’t know. Hence it was not even five minutes later that Younghyun took his jacket and covered himself up in several layers of clothes especially since it had started snowing again and it had already gotten dark.

“Younghyun where are you g-“

“Away? Out? I am not supposed to be here anyway, I will just give you some space and not be a bother for tonight.”

“I told you you’re not!”

“No, it’s okay. Really” and he went out, feeling Sungjin’s desperate stare resting on him until he got out of sight. Never in his life Younghyun wanted to read someone’s mind as much as the elders. And yet he would be afraid at the same time. A part of Sungjin seemed to like him; but also he knew Sungjin had a problem with “people like him”, he knew it from the very first second he had met him.

After felt hours he finally arrived home, all covered in snow. It was indeed freezing cold, so the warmth of the fireplace felt like heaven, not noticing his dad was sitting on the sofa behind him.

“Oh wow, Younghyun, you’re home! Thanks god, it’s snowing a lot. Where are you these days, I rarely see you at home” his dad now raised an eyebrow taking a sip of his beer.

“Want one too?”

“Please dad, I would actually need some.”

“You look a little tired love, are you okay?”

 _I’m not_ he wanted to scream, but instead he just gave his dad a reassuring look. “I’m okay dad, I’m okay…”

“Then are you seeing someone? Honestly, you are away at night constantly and I rarely see you here. Not in any offense, there are not many friends you would voluntarily spend so much time with.”

“Dad, you know that’s not very nice?”

“Well, it’s a fact. You are seeing someone, aren’t you?”

“Well, indirectly.”

“Younghyun, you should bring her home. My son.” His father now gave a him a reassuring shoulder squeeze and took another zip of his beer. “I’m very proud of you. And Jae. And how we are managing all of this. Younghyun what is it?”

Younghyun had not noticed he had started crying, tears running down his cheeks. He didn’t know why. It was the first time he was crying in front of his dad as far as he can remember, even as a little boy. He wanted to tell him so many things, for what happened in the car, Sungjin, anything. But he couldn’t, otherwise he would have needed to explain himself and introduce…Sungjin. And he didn’t want him to meet any of his family members, especially because no one knew what Younghyun was doing – not yet at least. Jae would kill him for sure if he wouldn’t find out from Younghyun himself.

“Dad I can’t tell you about it, not yet at least. If you could just hold me for a second that would be great dad.”

Burying his face in his dad’s shoulder he continued talking. “Do you miss her dad? Mom number 1, I mean?”

Letting out a deep sigh his father held him even closer.

“There is not one second I do not Younghyun, but I am still happy. Honestly Younghyun, we all miss her insanely but-“ He hesitated. “We should seriously sell the house at the lake.“

“Dad, no. Please, I know you don’t want to be reminded of her all the time but Dad, it’s just very important to me. Why can’t we go and cele-“

“Younghyun, I told you; I just can’t get back in there. I…can’t” His last words almost sounding as if he was about to cry. As much as his father told him to live on, he knew that he was still as much hanging onto the past as Younghyun, even though it had already been 18 years, 18 long years. He very well understood why his dad did not want to go back, back to where it all began, where all these old memories were waiting. He would love to ask his Dad questions about his mom, but whenever he did so, his father refused to answer them. Whenever this topic came up, Younghyun did not feel his 25 years of age, but rather being 8. But it was okay, wasn’t it? Only because he was an adult, it didn’t mean he would and should be okay with it, just live on and forget about everything, have more important worries, right?

“Anyway, you said you were seeing someone?”

As much as Younghyun was disappointed once again that his father had changed the topic, he couldn’t help but let out a little grin, sat straight again and wiped his last tears.

“Seriously dad? I’m 25. Shouldn’t I have my privacy?”

“Honestly, I’m your father, we’re supposed to talk about this stuff okay? And honestly, I have been checking your room and you haven’t been there for a long time.”

“Okay, maybe I was with someone.” Technically Younghyun was not lying, but also not stating the entire truth.

“I knew it! Come on Younghyun, just tell me a little bit more. How is she? How does she look? Please, I-”

“Well, that someone is very stubborn and clumsy, but kind and warm-hearted, good-looking, honest, caring in a weird way, musically talented and you know dad, eats at least as much as I do and you know that’s awesome” He now smiled to himself without looking at his dad. “That someone is…beautiful, have you ever fallen for eyes dad? Like seriously.” Even though he was kind of lying to his dad at this stage it didn’t feel like it. Maybe that was because deep down, he knew it was all true.

“Younghyun” his father now smiled at him “I’m happy for you. That you found someone just as weird as you.”

“Dad!”

“Joking, joking, why don’t you bring her over on Christmas?”

The two of them were interrupted when all of a sudden his step mom knocked. “I don’t want to interrupt the two of you but Younghyun your…friend is here?”

“Friend” _I don’t really have friends_ Younghyun was about to say but kept quiet.

“Who is it mom?”

“I don’t know, he did not tell his name. He just said he had something important to say and it could not wait. He is waiting at the front door.” His dad however seemed rather disappointed when he heard the term he, not she and excused himself to go for a bath, while Younghyun asked his mom to send up his apparent friend and wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or not when his friend entered the room.

“Sungjin, what the hell are you doing here???” The elder seemed a bit lost at this stage.

“You just went off like that and I did not have the chance to say anything!”

“Sungjin, if my family would recognize you…that would be a pure mess. And cause both of us big trouble.”

“I…didn’t think this far to be honest it’s just, you just left like that. Also, I do not use Social Media, I do not- What, why are you looking like that”

“I might have- nevermind.”

Younghyun was just hoping that Jae was not home and his parents did not check any social media ever since he had created social media presence of the shop where Sungjin is unknowingly displayed quite a few times.

*

“Sungjin, still. Jae will have done his research and I bet also my dad, okay? You could have at least called me. 21st century.”

“I did, you didn’t pick up and-“

“And??”

“Why am I even- I don’t know.”

“Sungjin, let me be honest. Until now I thought you would rather die than to step one foot into this house.”

“I might dislike people like you, but I like you so technically, I don’t know, Younghyun, you tell me.”

Sungjin was panicking. He seriously didn’t know what to answer to the younger. Did he follow because he felt guilty? Because it mattered to him what the other was thinking? Well, it obviously did, otherwise he would have not followed him, right? Younghyun was right, what the hell was he doing here.

“Well you are standing in my bedroom so technically you tell ME what you are doing here.”

_Get your guts together Sungjin._

“I just want you to know that we were not talking badly about you”

“You already told me. I know that.”

“Okay, well then it’s all fine I guess.”

“Yeah… Sungjin why don’t you sit down for a second you’re making me nervous moving around like that. I will get-“

He couldn’t even finish his sentence when Younghyun’s stepmother stuck her head through the door just to appear with a tray of hot chocolates and cookies. “Your favourite my dear.”

“Mooom, seriously? Don’t you have work to do? Any projects, presentations?”

“What, it has been more than a year since the last time you had a friend over ever since Terry left. You’re 25 but I’m still happy okay? Nice to meet you…”

“Bob?” Sungjin now answered hesitantly, clearly not noticing the confusion in the youngers’ eyes.

“Bob? Okay, nice to see you Bob. I will leave the two of you alone now.” And she disappeared after handing him the tray.

“Sungjin, Bob, please just sit down.” The next second he didn’t even think about it and sat down at the corner of Younghyun’s bed. In this whole fucking room, he had decided to sit down on the youngers bed. Younghyun however did not seem to mind and sat down next to him, placing the tray between them. It was moments like these when Sungjin missed having a family, a place to belong to. Even if she might not be Younghyun’s real mother, they just seemed very close.

“Well, welcome to my room”

“Honestly, I expected it to look fancier.”

“Sorry for that??”

Now that Sungjin was having a closer look, his room did not look as expected at all. It was rather small to what he imagined, but still as big as his living room at least. It was rather a mix of earth tones, dark brown, beige, many plants actually. His desk standing by a big window opposite his bed was covered by books, papers and actually Sungjin guessed these were handwritten texts, the guitar right next to it. Further on the left-hand side he even seemed to own a flatscreen TV and a very comfortable looking sofa.

“But Bob? Seriously?

“What, that’s my English name. I am pretty sure you’ve got one as well.”

“But I’m not gonna tell you, guess it-“

“What the hell, there are so many names out there.”

“Well, let’s make it a bet. If you have not found out my English name until Christmas, you’re gonna treat me self-cooked dinner and the other way around, how about that?”

“Challenge accepted.” Sungjin now smirked and took another sip of the hot chocolate, the sweet taste of cream and Marshmallows filling his mouth.

“Wait, Younghyun, did you cry?” Sungjin asked hesitantly very well now noticing that his eyes were still a little swollen.

“Yeah, but I’m fine, really. Don’t worry.”

He wasn’t even afraid to admit it. If there was one thing about Younghyun he admired it was his willingness to open up, and the honesty resulting from it. But what to do now? If he would hug the younger to comfort him that would be weird but doing nothing would be rude. Hesitantly his hand aimed for Younghyun’s shoulder. A shy smile escaped Younghyun’s lips, followed by awkward silence. His heart was about to explode when the younger placed his hand on his, and even more so when he squeezed it slightly. He would be lying if he said that it didn’t do anything to him, that he didn’t want to hold his hand, feel his warmth. But nothing more happened and Younghyun pulled his hand away, a shy smile escaping his lips

_He was absolutely gorgeous._

*

The rest of the evening they pretty much spent sitting there on Younghyun’s bed, talking about anything but work, without running out of things to talk about. As much as Younghyun liked talking, it was the most enjoyable thing to watch the elder talking, how his eyes would light up and body would move in line with what he was telling – he could have simply listened for hours. And Younghyun had to admit that they just had a lot in common – and that felt great. But still there was this one big thing that they simply couldn’t agree on.

“We should watch pride and prejudice, seriously. Just to overcome this rich and poor thing. I mean, it is so trivial” Younghyun now suggested when he saw it was already 11pm.

“Don’t mind the time, it’s just a number.”

After having grabbed some snacks and some beer both of them were sitting cuddled in blankets on the sofa.

“You know others would watch some kind of horror movie or action movie- something badass you know? “

“Which are great, come on we need to do a Marvel marathon together. And Harry Potter. But still, this is good”

“I can’t believe you watched this movie.”

“It’s a classic Sungjin. And I’m more of a romantic to be honest. And do you need another blanket? You still look cold…”

“If you have, please.”

“I only have my sleeping blanket. We can watch it on my bed as well if you-“

“NO” Sungjin refused, almost shouted, earning a suspicious glance from the younger.

“Okay, no worries.” Younghyun stood up, grabbed his blanket and put it on Sungjin.

“Seriously, what’s wrong with my bed? There is fresh sheets on it if you think I –“

“Wait, what do you-“

Younghyun couldn’t help but chuckle at the elderly’s face turning bright red.

“Sorry, I was just joking” he now grinned and started the movie.

 _I like you._ It was still echoing in Younghyun’s mind as if it was tattooed on his brain the second the elder had said it. Sungjin would have never followed him home without a reason. A house full of people be basically disliked so much, but he still got here. _I like you._

He had said it as if it was nothing, so casually, such a simple thing – which yet meant so much to him. So, so much.

_I like you too Sungjin, I like you too._

He didn’t know why he did it, but there was just this urge, so Younghyun put his head down and made himself comfortable on the elder’s lap.

“Too close?”

“No, it´s alright. More than alright.”

Alright until the elder’s phone started ringing and he picked up.

“Wonpil, I’m sorry I totally forgot, sorry for making you worry. Really…Yes. I’m still….there. No worries, I can take good care of myself. Bye bye.”

“If you need to l-“

“No, I won’t leave, we’re supposed to watch this and Wonpil can wait for a second, he was actually just waiting for an update since I rushed off right after closing the shop.”

“Well, understandable, isn’t he?” Younghyun now grinned, not moving his head for a second.

“Do you know how to dance?” The younger now asked Sungjin upon a grand dancing scene appearing on scene.

“I don’t know how to dance, but I love to do it. A lot. You?”

“Honestly? I was forced to take dance classes; I mean attending these fancy big scale events without being able to dance…no way. But I found myself pretty much enjoying it.”

“Well, you can teach me then.”

“Sure, I’m gonna need some steel shoes I suppose.”

“Yah.”

“Just joking. Come on, let’s watch the movie.” Younghyun now grinned and made himself more comfortable.

Wasn’t this weird? This comfortable feeling? Was he supposed to feel this way? Wasn’t he pretty selfish at this very moment? Even though he was helping the elder, him entering his life would also cause him trouble, and he probably knew. But still both of them kept on running towards each other. This was dangerous and it wouldn’t be any less in the future. Both of them seemed to know, but neither of them seemed to take a step back. Maybe it was destined to be, maybe everything was supposed to happen in the very first place.

Still he needed to get him out of here before everyone woke up again, he would receive thousands of questions anyway. Jae would luckily be away until tomorrow evening but there was still his mom and dad. Younghyun very well knew his dad would keep his promise to not get involved into the project but still. Unfortunately, Younghyun did not notice both of them slowly sleeping away to wake up to the knock on Younghyun’s door.

_Oh oh._

The younger still found himself in the same position, only to find the elders hand resting on his chest this time. When he looked up, he noticed Sungjin was still snoring peacefully, his lips parted halfway. Not being able to change focus, he decided to rest a little longer, and enjoy this comfortable feeling. Younghyun could not deny that this was not normal for sure – but it felt _right_.

“Younghyun I’m gonna come in” his mom now shouted. In panic Younghyun got out of the elder’s grip which caused the elder to fall off the sofa right onto the ground with a thug. It was a little funny to watch his startled face as soon as he woke up from the clash.

“Oh Jesus, what the-“

“Mom, good morning.”

“I have breakfast ready if you want some, okay? You must be starving to death.” And she was gone.

“It happened again, didn’t it.”

“Yes, I think so.”

“You okay down there?”

“Yeah, just a little shocked.”

“Only that it’s quite unfortunate this time Sungjin. Whatever my parents will be asking, just be careful with what you say please-“

“Maybe I should just leave, how about that?”

“No, that would be even more suspicious. Okay, apparently you are Bob, and I got to know you during my music college classes, how about-“

“You are taking music college classes too? Younghyun, what the hell- Okay yes, music minor, currently in my final year and I…needed some songwriting advise. We met in Songwriting class.”

“Perfect. Now get ready and come down. I will already prepare the situation.”

“You make it sound a little scary, you know that huh?”

Five minutes later Younghyun found himself sitting at the breakfast table, both of his parents staring at him.

“Sung- My friend is just taking a shower.”

“Sure.” His stepmom now grinned at him while taking another sip of her coffee. His dad in return spent a suspicious glance at him.

“Good morning” the lead role in this drama made his entrance by bowing to his parents, both of them now smiling at him and telling him to sit down to his relief.

“Do you drink coffee?”

“With lots of milk-“ Noticing too late that he was speaking on his behalf, he earned another suspicious glance from his dad. And somewhat it made him ridiculously nervous. But still it was endearing to see for the younger how much his stepmom cared for his _friend_ , she seemed to like him.

“Please tell me if you want more pancakes or toast, we’ve got plenty.”

“Especially when Younghyun joins for breakfast” his dad now joked, which earned him a kick from the younger.

“No worries, I will probably eat just as much. Not getting to Younghyun yet but close.”

“Oh really? What a coincidence” his dad now mumbled with a sceptical grin but continued eating his toast anyway and returned to his newspaper.”

_Awkward._

“So, what do you do?” his mom now broke the silence and looked at Sungjin straight.

“Well, I am…studying music. I do music. That’s actually how we met. At college.”

At this very moment Younghyun wished Sungjin would stop talking. For the rest of the time being. _God help_. And silence arrived once again, his mom taking several questioning attempts which did not make it better.

“You’ve got pretty- sorry I keep on forgetting you name.”

“Sungjin.”

Did he just – he did. In the corner of his eyes he saw the elder panicking but putting on a poker face right away. “But I’m usually called Bob.”

“Sungjin…No I prefer that one, it suits you way better. Anyways, you’ve got pretty eyes.”

“Thank you, but not really” he now returned shyly.

“Believe me-“

“No, maa’m, I really appreciate it but-“

“Please just accept it, It’s a compliment.”

“Sorry, I can be a little stubborn.”

Younghyun could not neglect the suspicious glances his dad was giving the two of them anymore - he wasn’t just imagining it.

“Younghyun, by the way, we did not finish our talk about your girlfriend yesterday –“

 _Oh oh_.

“Dad I don’t know what-“ Pretending was useless. And the last thing he wanted to do was to look at the elder who seemed to stop and stare for a second.

“You know the one who eats almost as much as you do, is musically talented, the stubborn girlfriend with pretty eyes-“

 _This was it,_ Younghyun thought. He could still try to convince otherwise; whether it would work is another question. Seeing the elder next to him now smiling this unidentifiable smile did not make it any better in any way. For some reason it appeared as if his dad had done it on purpose, as if he thought-

“Well, Dad, I already told you we are not at that stage yet.” With a final nod the conversation went silence and this mess had found its end very soon when his mother got an urgent call from the company and she had to leave earlier than expected. After his dad had left as well Younghyun and Sungjin were doing the dishes, for now in utter silence.

“A girlfriend?” Sungjin now smiled sadly and dried plate by plate just to put it back onto the shelves.

 _He didn’t notice didn’t he. Oh hell, Park Sungjin._ But to be honest, this was the point for Younghyun to decide: He could just pretend that he had been talking about a random girl, which would for sure be the most reasonable and ethical choice out of all. What was this even in the first place?

“Sungjin there was a reason why my dad reacted in such a weird way. I was…” Why was he even justifying himself- “I was talking to my dad and he was wondering where I go at night and he insisted on me being with a girl and he asked me to describe her and…Damn it, I was talking about no one else than you, Park Sungjin.”

“Oh.”

Yes, _oh_.

“Well, not that it would have mattered anyway, I was just…I don’t know.”

“No, it probably wouldn’t have mattered but my dad…I think he noticed the way I was describing her was somewhat similar to you. And-“

“Now he thinks that…”

“Yes.”

“Sorry for that…”

“What the…I am sorry for…you know…using you, kind of.”

“No worries, use me whenever you nee- Okay wait that sounds weird- YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.”

Younghyun couldn’t help but chuckle at the elder who had started to gesticulate wildly, which he did a lot anyways.

“By the way Sungjin, you’re gonna be prepared for Friday night.”

“Wait, why.”

“I eventually scheduled a small concert, for promotion purposes.

“W…wait, at my shop? And who’s gonna play? We don’t have a budget?”

“Sungjin, I don’t know why but sometimes you’re just a little stupid. Us. It’s us who are gonna play.”

“And you couldn’t have asked me?”

“Well, I could have. But its way faster this way around.”

“Friday. The 21st. Is in like two days.”

“Yeap. I will come over tonight and we’re gonna practise. Deal?”

“Deal. But isn’t that to dangerous. Exposing yourself like that?”

“I will tell Jae. After the concert. Promised. It’s about time he knows, and I feel bad keeping secrets from him.”

“If I have to be honest, I don’t know much about your world, but it might indeed be better to just tell him I guess.”

“No, no you don’t know much and maybe it’s better if you don’t…”

His gaze fell on the floor.

“Oh, I can’t really be at the shop during the day until Friday, so let’s meet at yours directly? I’m also gonna bring food, promised!”

“No worries, I have beer”

If alcohol was only a good idea after all.

*

“Sungjin, what the hell did you do there??” Wonpil now asked in disbelief after asking his best friend about the remains of yesterday evening before they were about to close the shop for the evening.

“Why does everyone keep on asking me??”

“Because…that’s weird Sungjin, at least from you. And dangerous. Sungjin, you know who they are, you know. Younghyun, he is a nice guy, really. But his family…you don’t know anything.”

“Wonpil listen. I didn’t care. In that second, I didn’t care. And I must admit that his parents are actually very, very nice and caring-“

“Because they did not know who you were.”

“No, I don’t think so- the point is: I didn’t care, and that’s scaring me Wonpil, a lot.”

“Is that…what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes. I am…lost Wonpil, lost. I don’t even know what I am doing anymore. Who am I?”

“Why? Because of…”

“Younghyun? Yes. God Wonpil, I… Like him. I like him so much. And it won’t stop, it just…won’t stop.” Sungjin only noticed too late that tears were escaping his eyes which resulted in Wonpil now grabbing his hands tightly and facing him directly.

“Sungjin, it’s okay.”

“No Wonpil, it’s not _okay_. I’m a man, he is a man. This…this can’t work. I am starting to fall in love with a man.”

Only now, when Sungjin tried to put everything into words, he realized how true it was: he was falling in love. Properly falling in love. This must be it right? He hadn’t ever sincerely been with anyone. He has been on dates, but nothing ever lasted or kept him interested; just this one particular person.

To his luck Wonpil remained calm and lifted Sungjin’s chin so that he faced him directly. “Listen to me Sungjin: You don’t fall in love with a gender, you fall in love with a person. And if that person happens to be a man, well then that’s just how it is. We do not choose whom we fall in love with. Who cares?”

“Everyone cares Wonpil, people care, society cares.”

“But how many of these people would reach you a hand if you ever needed help: Almost no one. So why go after their expectations?”

“Wonpil, that’s so easy to say, seriously. But reality looks different. “

“Just saying. I mean you like him, where is the problem.”

“I like him…I…I want him, god Wonpil.”

His chest felt as if it was to explode any second.

“Get him.”

That was by far not the answer he had expected from his best friend. He has always been supportive and positive, but still he expected him to be more…shocked? Even though Sungjin was not much of a big talker, it felt good to tell someone, relieving, as if a heavy weight was taken off his chest.

“Get him. That’s your advice.”

“Yes? Sungjin, honestly: if I would tell you to just ignore it that would be way worse. Of course you could easily completely ban him from your life but-“

“I couldn’t.”

“See? It’s either run or fight. And I know you, you have always been the person to fight. You care so much for others and now it’s time to take care of yourself. When are you gonna see him next?”

“Tonight.”

“Whoops, that’s soon. Okay, let’s hurry, NOW.” So that one hour later the two of them were standing in front of the elder’s wardrobe checking for an outfit. This was kind of hilarious but entertaining and fun at the same time. Sungjin had never been the person to care for his appearance or clothes a lot – so wouldn’t that be weird?

“Sungjin, honestly, a simple black shirt, jeans, and ruffled hair looks the best. Seriously. Everything else would look unnatural. You should wear your hair like this more often it suits you.”

“What am I doing this for anyways?”

“You will see my friend.”

“Thanks, Wonpil, for not judging me.”

“Oh, I’m judging you, because of all people…you chose Younghyun, but still.”

The two were interrupted when the doorbell rang all of a sudden.

“Okay Sungjin, remember nothing has changed. You are still Park Sungjin, the same old Park Sungjin.“

“Younghyun, come on in-“

“Wonpil, you want to stay? I brought lots of food so-“

“No worries, I’ve got something to do, enjoy the two of you.” And with a wide grin and a last wink he closed the door behind him.

“I actually brought your favourite, lamb.” He now grinned widely towards the elder and unwrapped all the food to put it nicely on the small but fully functional kitchen table.

“You look a little different Sungjin, don’t you?”

“I don’t know do I?” Very well knowing what the other was talking about Sungjin kind of got embarrassed that he even noticed.

“Well, Wonpil wanted to try something new and he needed a volunteer. I think it doesn’t really f-“

“Looks good on you.” The younger now grinned and grabbed two beers out of the fridge.

“Feel home, take what you want” he now grinned sarcastically while internally, he was surely freaking out.

“Sorry I thought I could just-“

”Just joking, no worries okay? Thanks for bringing this. I’m starving.”

“Me too.”

“You like it?”

“Of course, that’s my favourite place of all.”

“I know, you told me”

“How do you celebrate Christmas?” The younger now asked and Sungjin was slightly taken aback. He didn’t really know, Wonpil already mentioned he would probably spend Christmas with his Alibi girlfriend which was completely understandable. But that also meant-

“No idea yet to be honest.”

“What about your family?”

Sungjin just swallowed and now focused on the next piece of lamb he was gonna eat.

“Sungjin, you’re okay?”

“Sure. My parents are quite far away at the moment, so I guess I won’t spend Christmas with them, so yeap…”

“Where are they?” Younghyun asked hesitantly.

“Australia? Who knows? Please, let’s not talk about it.”

“What would you think…of spending Christmas together? N…not only - I mean only one day.”

Sungjin now looked at the younger in surprise and almost choked on a corn of rice. With his heart pounding like crazy he hardly managed to answer.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea-“

“Yeah, that’s stupid. How could I…”

“No, it’s a good idea it’s just- Why spending it with me?”

“None of my family would want to go to my old home and… I just feel like you would be the right person to ask because I trust you, Sungjin.”

“…really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Then…I would be very happy to go with you.” Sungjin was hardly able to hold back his joy and grinned unconsciously, even though he tried to look as neutral as possible.

“Thanks, that really means a lot to me. Are you done with eating by the way? We gotta start this better soon. We’ve got two guitars, could sound great actually. I also brought some song arrangements, also Christmas songs or well, especially, and some self-composed songs if you-“

“Uhm sure, show me.”

Jumping up in excitement Younghyun grabbed his bag and gave one copy of everything to the elder who studied the song choice very well. It was impressive how good Younghyun was with words – in any way. He might not formulate all of his thoughts all of the time but when he did it very much resembled the words in his songs.

“Younghyun say why…aren’t you pursuing a career as a musician? You´ve got the talent, the means, the personality, the look, seriously, I think you would be way better off with that.”

“I’m not that good. And yes, I love doing it, it’s a great distraction and a hobby I love doing, but that’s about it. I would be afraid if I would make this my job, I would lose my resting place. And honestly, you might not understand, but I like the career I am pursuing at the moment.”

“But Younghyun, you- those people, I feel like you don’t really fit.”

Younghyun now stopped playing the melody from before and stared at the elder, eyebrow raised and started playing again.

“Well, one more reason for me to stay. I know we do not have the best reputation and yes, Real Estate business is hard, but if people like me would leave, who would be the ones causing change, improving what’s so bad. I’m not gonna change, and I have my ideals, and I want to communicate those ideals.”

_Still it would be easier for me if you wouldn’t stay_ , Sungjin thought and handed Younghyun his papers. “Let’s start with this one. _I’m serious_.”

“Why that one?” Younghyun grinned.

“I don’t know, I just “I don’t know, I just feel like it would be a good choice…” Or maybe because he could simply relate to it 100%.

“Why why why

Do I stare at the ceiling every night”

_I Don’t know._

“Because of you

I’m burning up

Should I just give up?”

_Should I?_

“I thought about it with eyes wide open for several nights

I can’t, I can’t”

_Indeed, I can’t._

“Because of you

My eyes can’t go anywhere else”

“Sounds great Sungjin. I love your voice anyway.” Younghyun now smiled shyly at the elder upon which Sungjin’s heart threatened to pop out any second. 

“Thank you.”

“Sungjin, this is gonna be great. I really think we will rock this and get some customers in.”

“I hope so. I really hope so. Younghyun, I’m serious, this shop is my everything and if I would lose it…I’m not sure what I would do.”

“No worries, I promise I will be there for you and help you whenever you need me.”

“Seriously, what could they do to me? I am the owner, right? So they could potentially not take it away from me.”

“No Sungjin, but they can still destroy you and kick you like ants. I have heard and seen bad things happening and I just- It’s not like I am certain it will happen, but still I feel like I need to be here…just in case. So, no worries.”

“You know what? When you first entered my shop, I really hated you for what you were, and I really thought you had the cliché bad intentions. But I have learned to trust you and I’m grateful that you are here- with me.”

“Oh, I know you hated me, no worries. But thank you, for putting your trust in me. It must not be easy.”

If he only knew how hard it was for the elder to do so. As much as he was telling himself that all of this was wrong – everything he was doing felt right to him. Wonpil had been right: at this stage he wouldn’t be able to completely ban him from his life anymore and that erased the option of flight and the only option left was:

Fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I know it has been long but much has happened personally lately, hence I couldn't review my chapters in time, my apologies for that...Anyways, I hope everyone has been doing well and stayed healthy! This chapter is veeeery long but contains some very important hints for the upcoming plot. The next chapters are already written so I HOPE I will be able to upload them shortly as well (Also I can't wait to upload them to be honest hehe)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read until here so far, and have a great day!


	6. Confessions

_“Angry people are not always wise.”_ – Pride and Prejudice

The following evening was a complete success.

People came from all over the area, passengers walking by, long-time customers, some of them even brought friends. The only thing Sungjin was worried about was the fact that Younghyun didn’t seem to keep in mind that he could be filmed or seen by people he didn’t want to be seen by. But also, it seemed like he didn’t care. The way he was singing his heart out, encouraging everyone to sing along, approaching everyone, the joy in his eyes, the sincerity. With the last strum Sungjin dared to look over to the younger just to find himself staring into the younger’s eyes for a little too long. _Oh Jesus._

He now got up from his chair and stood in front of the crowd which had gathered even outside in the cold.

“Everyone, to all of you who left their cosy and warm home to be with us today, thank you so much for coming and supporting us. To those I already know and to those strangers who have become familiars as of today, thanks so much for coming today.” Sungjin couldn’t believe it when he had to stop because there were cheers coming from all sides.

“I will be honest with all of you. This shop hasn’t been doing well lately and you might have noticed a certain someone who has been by my side for quite some time and supporting me and he is helping me to get this shop up again, and seeing all of you here I think it worked a little. A big thanks to Kang Younghyun for being by my side, admittedly annoying at times and yes there are some attitudes I do still question, but good at heart and probably the most hard-working and ambitious, yet sincerest person I have ever met.”

At this very moment Younghyun locked eyes with the elder and couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Never in his life someone had directed words this kind towards him.

“There is…this one Estate company that is trying to take over this shop completely to use it for one of their projects, and as it seems they seem quite reckless in achieving their goals, but this won’t happen. If we all work together this won’t happen. This has become a place for many of you to find someone to talk to, a way out of the loneliness, a way out of despair and starving. I have heard loads of life stories, sad, desperate yet moving and motivating. Stories that should motivate each one of us to work together. Because each one of us has the right to a good life. A life with a roof over their head, good food, a job that serves well. Hence, I would kindly ask you to spread the good word and to also support us in the future.”

Younghyun now saw the elder reaching out to him for his hand for them to bow down which he did, very well noticing silent tears were escaping his eyes.

“Hi guys”, a familiar voice now spoke from behind. When Younghyun turned around he found no one else than Becca standing there. “You were great, really. Younghyun, I knew you were good but this…was stunning.”

“Thank you, Becca. Thanks for your help tonight.”

“No worries, I would do anything to help. Does Jae…know by the way? What you are doing here?”

“No! No, please Becca, if you could just keep silent-“

“Everything for you Younghyunie, don’t worry. But this might go viral, you know? You might want to tell him soon.”

After a moment of silence Sungjin suddenly approached the younger.

“Younghyun, we… let’s …could you help me with the drinks? I need to greet someone.”

“I can hel-“ Becca attempted to help but Sungjin barged in.

“No Becca, if you could just stay with the snacks, coffee and donations please.”

If Younghyun wasn’t mistaken, it almost seemed as if he wanted to get rid of Becca. It didn’t keep unnoticed to the younger that Sungjin had been acting a little weird lately, not weird but- If he wouldn’t know any better he would say-

“Younghyun! Guests are waiting.”

Like how he was staying overnight, how naturally they fell asleep clung onto each other – how natural and easy everything felt when they were together. To an extent that he hadn’t even noticed how close they had gotten in this very short amount of time – good friends. They had simply become very good friends. Wasn’t that a good thing? Younghyun wasn’t too sure whether he was convinced by his own thoughts, but for now he pretended that he was. Also, how nervous Sungjin seemed, how he ran after him up to his house, how he was talking to Wonpil about him, but that not being bad and still not being able to tell him-

“Younghyun what is it are you okay? If you’re exhausted just go home, I can take this on my own.” Younghyun now looked into the worried face of the elder.

“I’m fine Sungjin, I won’t leave you with this mess, I have literally forced you to do this. I will get the drinks, no worries.”

When the clock was hitting around ten o’clock the last customer of the day had left and the shop was rather in a mess, but nothing that would last longer than one hour to clean.

“Younghyun could you do me a favour and help me load everything onto my car?” Becca now approached him to hand him a coffee machine she had brought from her shop.

“Sure, let me take it. Sungjin, I will be back in a second.”

“Wait!” and he appeared again a few seconds later just to wrap a scarf around his neck. “If you’re not wearing a jacket wear s scarf at least.”

“Thanks, but it’s just around the corner, no worries” he now smiled at the elder.

“He seems to care for you a lot.”

“Yeah, doesn’t he?”

“You know, before Jae, I really liked Sungjin and I really showed him that I did but…somehow he never reacted? I was obvious, seriously. But then I met Jae of course.”

“Wait, then that was while we were…”

“Well, we were rather friends with benefits” she now grinned and punched his upper arm lightly.

“But he never noticed anything? Sungjin…I mean.”

“Well, not that I know but…maybe he didn’t want to?”

“Maybe he was just too shy?”

“Sungjin…is not shy.”

“I think he is, believe me. At least from what I have experienced.”

“Yes, I don’t know…”

“But wait: why are you- you are happy with Jae, aren’t you?”

“Yes…well. Younghyun, when have you last seen him?”

“A couple of days ago, why?”

“Because I feel like we’re rarely seeing each other these days and he... it seems as if he wasn’t even interested in what I am doing these days.”

“He might just be busy Becca, I don’t think it’s because- You know Jae, he seems very selfish sometimes, but is just very bad at expressing his feelings. But he is good at heart. You should know that best, otherwise a woman like you would not love him.”

Except for when it came to business.

“Becca, you are amazing, and Jae knows that. Believe me.”

“Thanks, Younghyun, but I am not so sure about that.”

“Becca, a little more self-esteem. For how long have the two of you been together now, for years. Maybe you should just talk to him, everything will be fine. Come here.” Younghyun hugged her tight and let go after a few seconds.

“Thanks, I really needed a hug.”

“I hope the next hug then comes from Jae, okay? Come on, let’s go back in.”

“Everything’s alright?” The elder now asked with eyebrows risen.

“Sure, just my brother who seemed to have shifted priorities these days.”

“Becca, I told you- does it surprise you?“ the elder now sighed, but Becca immediately backed up. “No worries Sungjin, I am sure he has his reasons, usually he isn’t like that. I was just talking to Younghyun about it.”

Wait, did he just- “Sungjin, what do you mean by _does it surprise you_?” The younger now asked sceptically and got a step closer.

“Well, that he doesn’t have time anymore, shifting priorities- He is a business man, a pure business man. There is no time for-“

“For what Sungjin, for what: a relationship? Friends? Family? What I just said was a joke. I am sure he has a valid reason. I’m a business man, just as him. Do you feel like I don’t make enough time for you too? If so, I’m sorry.” Younghyun couldn’t deny he got a little angry; he sincerely thought they had somewhat addressed this issue. Then again, if he was in the elder’s position, wouldn’t he act the same? He cared for Becca, and he didn’t know Jae well, so his assumptions made sense somehow.

“I- I am not- Who am I to judge him anyway, I’m not supposed to judge him this way but…ignore me, I’m a mess, I-“

“SHIT” Becca now whispered, panic written all over her face. She pulled Younghyun behind the next shelf and quickly returned to her spot. Not knowing what was going on, he was just about to lift up his head when he heard Jae speaking up angrily.

“Indeed, who are you to judge.”

Okay what the hell was going on here. There was no way Jae could have found out about his whereabouts or just any involvement in this. Oh well, maybe he had been monitoring him all this time after all? Social Media? He should have probably been more careful, but never would he have thought Jae would find out on the same day. But apparently that wasn’t the reason. It was almost 10 in the evening and that meant Jae was not here for business. Well, depending on…the business. For now, it was probably better to stay in the shadows.

“Jae what are you doing here?”

“Wait, THAT Jae?”

“Yes. THAT Jae.”

Oh Jesus, he sounded angry. Younghyun very well knew how his brother sounded when he was angry, and this was not good.

“Becca what are you doing here?”

“I’m just helping.”

“Are you sure? Or are you helping out an old friend?”

“Yes, that also.”

“Becca, don’t play me, I know you’ve been seeing him quite often. Over years.”

“I told you I am working closely together with a charity shop.”

“Yes, WORK. But I am pretty sure that this ain’t only about work, Becca.”

“Jae are you kidding me?? He is my friend. Only. My. Friend.”

“I’ve been seeing you with him quite often these days, and also I received these pictures and you seem pretty close.”

_Photos??_

“Jae, I don’t know what you are interpreting from those pictures but there is nothing happening if you look closely.”

How much Younghyun wanted to see what was going on, he couldn’t reveal himself, not yet. But this was a disaster, a pure disaster.

“Can I say something too?” Sungjin now bravely spoke up and as of this moment, no one would want to switch positions with the elder.

“You? You think I don’t know who you are, Park Sungjin? Yes, I dislike you for being stubborn and not cooperating with us but for this thing with Becca, I hate you. So, whatever you have to say, it doesn’t really matter to me.”

“A: there is NO obligation for me to corporate with you, at no stage and there is no way you could force me into that. B: Have you ever considered the possibility that it is rather yourself you should hate at this stage because you are putting your relationship with Becca at stake, just because you are too proud and stubborn to see the truth and that you were mistaken? Nothing ever happened between the two of us. We are good friends, and I appreciate her help a lot and it’s rare to find women like her so consider yourself lucky and don’t be a coward. “

Wow. Younghyun hadn’t expected this outburst of feelings from the elder, especially not in this dangerous situation he was in. Even less he expected Becca’s sudden scream, followed by a dumb noise and books falling onto the floor. Did he just-

“You think hitting me is the solution, huh? Only because I am what I am gives you the right to treat me like this? And if that would be of any interest, I do like someone. A lot. And that person is not Becca.” Sungjin now sounded angry as much as Jae and it was admittedly amazing to hear if that was the right expression _. Or…attractive?_

“And I should believe you?”

“Jae stop it. Both of you, stop it and calm down.” Younghyun now dared to reveal himself to not let anything worse happen.

“Younghyun?? What- You’ve been ignoring my calls for days and now- “

“Sungjin is completely innocent, Becca is completely innocent. Both are. Sungjin, are you okay?”

“Yes, just a scratch.” He mumbled, his eyes fixating Jae.

“Wait Younghyun?? You’ve been ignoring my calls for days and now you’re here? Seriously? How would you know Younghyun? You out of all people.”

“Because I listen and pay attention. Becca just approached me because she was worried about you and your relationship. Apparently, you haven’t spent much time together these days. She even had self-doubts. And Sungjin, he does in fact like someone else and I am certain, I know that he admires Becca for whom she is but not in the way you think because-“

_No, what was he saying here?_ But it was too late already and what has been said has been said. Looking at Sungjin, Younghyun didn’t know what to read in his eyes. For some reason it felt like the elder exactly knew what he was about to say and at the same time wanted him to stop. Understandable. But against any expectations Sungjin spoke up.

“Because I’m gay, I think…at least.”

“What the-” Wonpil now joined this mess and closed the front door behind him.

“Oh, and that’s your boyfriend, congratulations.” Oh Jesus, this was going into weird directions. Did he just say that? Out loud. In front of everybody? Like: seriously? If he were to describe braveness in two words, it would be Park Sungjin. Wonpil now rushed to Sungjin’s side who only now seemed to have realized what he had just said and was avoiding Younghyun’s gaze whenever their eyes met.

“Jae why are you like that. This is not you, this is just not you.” No one seemed to have noticed so far that Becca had started crying silently, arms wrapped around her body.

“What would you do if you were me huh?”

“I would talk to me, Jae, talk. I have been worried to death what was up and thought you were just very busy or just needed some time for yourself. I never betrayed you, neither with Sungjin, Younghyun, nor someone else.”

“Why would you mention Younghyun?” He now raised his brows.

“Jae…”

“Nono, tell me, I’m curious.”

_Becca, stop talking_. This was the worst situation Younghyun had ever encountered and if Becca was gonna state the truth, he would probably lose his brother forever.

“Oh, I just said it because he was here I- “

“Don’t lie to me. You know the two of you are acting weird sometimes, but I always thought it was only my imagination. But that would make sense. Of course!” He now raised his voice once again. “Has there ever been anything between the two of you? If yes, please just tell me now because I’m sick of this.” Weirdly enough, his voice now went down for him to sound rather sad and like…the brother Younghyun knew.

“We- yes. We met around five years ago for a couple of times, one year before I met you but that ended quickly. It was nothing solid, it was only sex. For fun.”

It was out. Four years after keeping this secret it was out. Everything became silent for a second, the air as if it were about to explode.

“Jae” Younghyun now dared to speak up “I knew you would have self-doubts, that’s why I never told you. Don’t be mad at her, it’s me who wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Oh, what of a kind and considerate brother you are! Anything else I need to know before I leave?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Of course. She was…pregnant. That would explain a lot actually, a lot.

“You’re- Becca that’s…that’s great!” Jae’s face went from anger, to confusion, to pure joy within a second. Any other reaction would have surprised, but also disappointed Younghyun. But instead of approaching Jae, Becca ran out of the shop.

“Becca, wait! Younghyun, the last word is not spoken yet. Becca!” And the door closed with a loud bang.

Never in his life these many thoughts had been circulating in Younghyun’s head. Whether he was worried about Becca and the fact that she was pregnant, the fact that Jae knew about his shared past with Becca, or that he had been helping out Sungjin in the very first place. Or the fact that-

Younghyun’s gaze now wandered towards the elder who was still standing there, staring into the air, fists clenched. His gaze empty, Wonpil still by his side.

“Could all of you…please leave?”

“Sungjin…” Wonpil tried, but any attempt to pat his shoulder resulted in the elder pushing him away.

“Please, I want to be alone.”

“Okay. Younghyun could you open the door for me?”

Confused, Younghyun went to the front door to keep it open until he saw Wonpil grabbing Sungjin’s jacket, his key and started pulling him out. To his surprise, how weak Wonpil seemed and how much Sungjin restrained, he managed to pull him outside, close the door behind him and locked him out. _Did he just lock him out?_ He did.

“Hey, Wonpil, let me back in!” It wouldn’t actually surprise him if he would break the glass at this very moment. “No, you wanted be alone and you get to be alone, but also we won’t let you clean this mess alone so…I’m sorry, but I had to do this.”

“Whatever.” And he left, he just left leaving behind a completely confused Younghyun. Wonpil didn’t seem like the type to do this but then again, they’d been friends for life and Wonpil probably knew much better how to handle the elder.

“That was…shocking.”

“I know but…I think he needs a break. Like…a break break.”

“Wonpil, I think I made a mistake. I-“

“What could you have possibly done wrong? Despite of having showed up in the very first place” He now said jokingly “But what?”

“I tried to defend him against Jae and- Wonpil, I don’t know, my thoughts are a mess. One huge mess. Honestly, my life has become a mess.”

“Well, I personally think this is just the beginning. We’re still young, our lives are supposed to be messy. I feel like…that’s part of the process of discovering ourselves and figuring out who we are and what we want to do with our lives. I think…Sungjin is confused because he thought that he had already figured out what to do with life, but now a new variable has been added.”

“Me.”

It was not new to Younghyun that he messed up Sungjin’s life to some extent, but he probably realized only now how much he had done that. And how little he actually knew about him in the first place. How much they had talked, they had never talked about the past, the beginnings of the shop and the reasons for helping, nothing. Maybe he should have just asked.

  
“Yes we…already talked about it. And Younghyun, it’s not easy for him. He is confused – righteous. And he needs time to accept his newly discovered self. What he just did, coming out like that, it frightened him. He is alright but he needs time. I guess he hadn’t really planned to do this today. And like that. Could you do me one favour?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t break him. He is strong but he has endured a lot in life and I just want him to be happy, loved. He told me about Christmas-“

Younghyun breathed in sharply.

“I have rarely seen him this happy. Rarely. And he will have some time to breathe. Even though it might only be for one or two days.”

“Okay, Wonpil. Regarding Christmas, he said his parents are quite far away which is why he doesn’t spend it with his family and honestly, that is not the whole truth, isn’t it?”

“He never told you?”

“Told what?”

“His past.”

“No, that’s why I am asking you…”

“Okay, to be honest, I think he would want to tell you himself but…his parents are far away which is simply another way to say…they are dead, Younghyun. And they have been ever since he was seven. We met because we grew up in the same orphanage.”

“What??” In disbelief Younghyun now stopped and stared at Wonpil. “I…am sorry to hear that.”

“It’s fine. I am fine, he is fine. We have talked a lot about it, that really helped. It was hard, very hard and never easy, but life goes on. This is just all very overwhelming for him, please don’t tell him that I told you, especially in this situation.”

“You have my word. Wait, the orphanage he usually visits, it's the same one you grew up in?”

“Yes.”

He was thinking back to the time they were talking about his mom, how she had died. And now knowing that both of his parents had died, he felt awful, and just sorry. Yes, he couldn’t have known but it still felt bad. And the happier he was at this stage that he had invited the elder for Christmas.

„Wonpil, say…do you believe that- never mind.”

“That is not for me to tell you, really. Just give him some time and then talk to him. I trust you Younghyun, so please don’t mess this up.”

Younghyun was not sure what to think, what to feel at this stage. He was not stupid – thinking about the behaviour of the elder during the past weeks, now there was honestly no doubts anymore. The elder did not like just any person – no. He liked no one else than this one particular person: Himself.

Kang Younghyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, hope you still like it tho! No worries, the next one is gonna be longer again:) Hope to upload the next one soon!


	7. A Beautiful Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this might be the longest chapter I have ever written, and it's probably one of the most important ones. Be warned, it contains mentions of death and suicide - just shortly, but it's there, just for you to know. But no worries, it also contains some cringe overload at some point!😊
> 
> Also thanks for all the feedback I've been receiving over the last weeks so far, I do truly appreciate it and am super happy about any comment or feedback!😊

This was hell. What he just did, it should change his life completely. For the worse? The better? He didn’t know. The way he felt was strange – having said out loud what he hadn’t admitted to himself up to this point. On the one hand he felt exposure, embarrassment, on the other hand relief.

The elder was now walking through the streets of Seoul after Wonpil had shamelessly locked him out of his own shop. It was calm on the streets, snow piling lightly but endlessly. When he was about to put his freezing hands into his pockets, oddly enough Sungjin found gloves in them, not his – Younghyun’s. The ever-present Kang Younghyun. Tears started to fall, and his legs started to give up. He just kneeled there, in the snow. Desperation, anger, confusion – there was no way to put his feelings into words. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be a man in the very first place? Why Kang Younghyun?

“Why!” he now screamed under tears and it didn’t matter that anyone passing by was staring at him. None of them stopped by to ask, no one cared why he was actually sitting there, they only watched. Maybe Wonpil was right after all and there was no way he should care about what society would say, because no one would reach out a helping hand. He had no personal duty towards society when it came to his own personal life. 

The other day didn’t start too well either. When he entered the shop everything first seemed fine, the shop was entirely cleaned, more customers than usual were coming in, until more and more complaints started to arise for apparently stolen goods, purses and phones at the event yesterday. Nothing like that had ever happened before and he didn’t have any security cams either. He would definitely need to go to the police but for that he needed someone reliable at the shop, meaning either Wonpil or Younghyun. None of them had contacted him since yesterday and no, he didn’t want to talk to anyone at this stage, but there was this strange feeling, this pressure on his chest – disappointment, sadness? He didn’t know. But he was also scared, scared for what would happen now, if Younghyun would ever talk to him again. Younghyun was not stupid. It would be the easiest for him to deduct. But it was out there, more or less.

The day only seemed to turn for the better when he found a hot cup of cinnamon latte placed on the counter after returning from the stock room. Upon reading the note next to it he smiled a little, even though he felt like crying.

 _Must have been freezing cold yesterday, this is just to warm you up a little. Call me whenever you’re ready to talk._ – Younghyun

And there it was again, this clenching feeling in his chest, as if it was about to explode. How much could he like him for him to always react like that – just how much.

_I like you, Kang Younghyun, I just like you so much._

**

“Younghyun, we gotta talk. Now.” Jae now said just before he was about to leave the front door. This was the moment he had been afraid off ever since he went home yesterday. But there was no way to avoid this and it would be fine…somehow.

“Can I first cong-“

“Business first. Younghyun, what did I see in there huh?”

To be honest, Younghyun couldn’t really identify Jae’s mood at this stage. It was definitely not bad, even though he must have been mad which meant he was in a good mood? Okay, that didn’t make any sense.

“Okay, Jae, before you get mad at me, hear me out and let me explain myself first.”

“Go ahead, I’m waiting.”

“Jae, I honestly do not think it would be a good idea to demolish the charity shop, seriously. He does not want to sell the shop and honestly, I personally don’t think he would give it to us in the first place.”

“Well, that’s great, but what now Younghyun? I told you to take care of it.”

“Well, I am kind of…doing that. Jae listen, what if I found a way to integrate the store into the newly planned building within the budget.”

“Impossible. Younghyun, no one has managed to do that up to this stage.”

“Well, then let’s be the first ones. Damn Jae, that would bring us loads of positive press as well.”

“You know there is only a couple of months left right?”

“I’m already working on it, it’s in progress.”

“And what the hell were you doing there?”

“Hel…ping. Protecting? Our lovely rivals have already shown up to offer a fine amount of money, but he refused. And now-“

“You’re thinking…”

“Yes, Jae. I know you’re disappointed but there really is no other way-“

“Without hurting someone and dirty tricks.”

“Indeed.”

“Okay, we kind of seem to be at an advantage here now so I would say well played. And he seems to be smart. Claiming he was gay was a smart way to get himself out of the dilemma.” He now grinned admittingly.

“Isn’t he-“ Younghyun wasn’t sure whether his half-hearted smile would convince the elder, despite Younghyun couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Jae, that stubborn and business-hearted Jae, was actually agreeing with him.

“But really??”

“Yes, Younghyun, really. I’m not a monster if you just talk to me. I’m also not a fan of Royal Estate’s methods, and you know that.”

“Well…”

“Watch what you are saying. I want updates every few days and enough time to do final checks. And remember the budget calculations and stuff. And you gotta start your Master Thesis project soon as well. What I want to say: hurry. No pressure.”

“Yes, sir” Younghyun now grinned in joy.

“I trust you.”

_Many people seemed to put trust into him these days._

“But Jae…you shouldn’t have hit him, seriously. I really didn’t expect this from you.”

“I know, I don’t know…I will apologize when the time comes. I guess supporting him now is the least I can do.”

“Sounds great Jae, that’s what I actually expected from you…Anyways, can I get back to personal now?”

Jae now loosened his position and a wide grin plastered his face. “Yes.”

“Can I congratulate you now? After yesterday?”

After a short pause, his step brother breathed in shortly and fell into a shy grin - the good old Jae. “Yeap, it seems as if I’m gonna be a dad.”

“Congrats bro” the younger now enclosed the elder into a big hug, not letting go for felt minutes.

“Thanks, Younghyun. You know you’re gonna be an uncle us well, don’t you?”

“Oh, Jesus.”

“Hell yes, that fact is worrying indeed.”

“Ya!”

“How does it feel? Did you figure and talk everything out with Becca yesterday?”

“Well, it took us literally the whole night to talk everything out but well- I don’t why I was like that Younghyun, it’s just that - maybe I was just scared? God Younghyun, if I would have known.”

“It’s fine Jae, we all make mistakes. Silly ones most of the time.”

“I know I know. But when I received those pictures…I don’t know.”

“Those pictures, who gave them to you?”

“I don’t know, someone must have put them into my bag when I wasn’t paying attention. Actually, yes, the two of them were hugging but honestly, I was overacting and exaggerating now that I have looked at them again…This is embarrassing.”

“Do you still have them?”

“I…threw him away.”

“Damn it. Well. Jae, we turn blind when we get angry sometimes, but I feel like it’s more important who gave those pics to you and… _why_.” Because this was anything but normal. Friends or family would have approached him directly right? It was weird but maybe he was worrying too much after all?

“You’re right, I see this as some…kind of warning. Whoever gave them to me, I should thank that person. Next time I will just talk to her. But honestly, when you told me that the two of you- I was mad, angry, and it kind of felt pathetic you know?”

“Which is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“I know…I get that it was before all of this but still.”

“I am sorry, I am just very sorry. I really thought that was the right thing to do…”

“We all make mistakes, right?” Jae now grinned and gave Younghyun a light pad on the shoulder. Jae was going to be a father, himself to be an uncle, Becca to be a mom, his parents to be grandparents. It was weird looking at where the time had gone so far.

“Did you already tell mom and dad?”

“Yes, he did.” His dad now grinned from behind and laid his arm around Jae.

“I am so proud, my son. Younghyun, no pressure but…”

“Hey, he is one year older.”

“Just saying, say Younghyun, could I talk to you for a minute now that you are here?”

“I need to leave anyway. Younghyun, I want updates, remember?”

“Yes sure. Dad what is it?”

“How are you these days, Younghyun?”

“Fine dad, how come you are asking…”

“Just asking, can’t I ask my son how he is doing?”

Of course a dad could, but it didn’t simply felt like a dad who was just catching up with his son. There was something up and he was not looking forward to the following conversation at all, especially after everything that had happened.

“Okay, there is something, or more things, I’m worried about.”

“Okay dad, what is it.”

“How are your winter courses?”

“Fine dad, exciting.”

“Okay, just…then, I know I am annoying you with this but looking at Jae and Becca and a grandson on my way…”

“Yes, dad?”

“You know, Jae is my son, but you are my one and only… son son and I was wondering whether there is someone in your life, your girlfriend…”

“Dad, it’s nothing-“

“Serious, I know, but still. You want children, right? Somewhen?”

“Sure, somewhen when the timing is right and the…partner.”

“Okay, then I’m relieved.”

As much as he loved his dad, he hated it when he was talking like that. Expecting him to have his family and love life all planned out. It’s not that he didn’t want children, but at this age he didn’t feel like having children and also- he didn’t know. He wanted to be a good son, make his dad proud, especially being the only son after all and there was only his dad and him, and now seeing Jae becoming a dad didn’t make it any better.

“And lastly, your friend who came over yesterday, Sungjin right?”

“Yes.”

Okay, now it was seriously getting dangerous.

“You met him at…college.”

“Yes…?”

“Younghyun, I don’t believe you. You might not be the worst liar but for this I am sure you are lying.”

“Okay, he is actually the owner of that charity shop involved in the Seocho project. I know you preached me to separate private and work life, but we get along very well and Dad, for the first time in forever I feel like I found a good friend, someone I just…click with you know?”

“But you have been knowing him for like two weeks only?”

“Yes but-“

“Younghyun listen, is his full name Park Sungjin?”

“Yes dad, how do you know?”

“Just be careful, okay? Don’t mix up personal and private.”

“Wait dad, there is something you are not telling me. Tell me.”

“I told you.”

“Dad, can’t you just be happy for me?”

“Younghyun, I love you more than anything. You know that. And that’s why I am telling you that you should not get too close to him. Over.”

“Just because he is g- “

_Oups._

“Fine dad. Please remember, I am 25 years old and very well able and obliged to make my own decisions. I am leaving anyway. I might or might not remember your words.”

“Younghyun-“

“Bye dad. I’m off for university.”

“Oh and dad, I will spend one or two days at our old house at the lake like last year if that is to your convenience.”

“Alone? Again? Younghyun, why-“

“I already told you I am not ready to just leave this behind dad. And I will not go alone, I will go with Sungjin.”

“What about your girlfr-“

“Okay dad, listen. Maybe there is no girlfriend or maybe he is, WHAT DO I KNOW. I’m sorry dad, I love you, but these are my very own decisions to make, alright? See you dad.”

And he left. He simply left. Why did he have to be like that? Just why? He seriously assumed that- well thinking about it Younghyun had given him hopes when he first lied about his potential girlfriend, but the fact that he was forbidding him the contact with Sungjin just made him mad. At the age of 25 years he should very well be able to decide himself. And also, his dad knew how hard it had been in school for him to find what one could call real friends. Indeed, it might seem odd that he called Sungjin his “friend” but what else should he call him. A client? A stakeholder? A business partner? He was all that, but he was also so much more.

Sungjin. Sungjin. Sungjin. Was there ever anything else crossing his mind then this particular man? It was terrifying to the bone. Then, all of a sudden his phone rang.

“Hi Younghyun. It’s me, Sungjin. How…are you?”

“I’m fine, Sungjin. How are you, after yesterday I mean?”

“I’m okay, it’s just- nevermind. Why I was calling, I would need your help tonight and…tomorrow as usual if that is alright?”

“No worries, Sungjin. I will be over when I get back from the company, and a preliminary meeting with my supervisor from uni.”

“No worries at all, take your time I just need to talk to you about something. It might be important.”

“Okay, will be over soon. See you Sungjin.”

 _Something important._ How should Younghyun interpret that? He didn’t know, but at this stage Younghyun was prepared for anything. Seriously. There was so much to talk about, yet there was this one thing that was worrying him in particular, or more: two. It was slightly worrying that his dad was this keen on him not being close to Sungjin; and there must have been a reason. He never got involved into the project, never. And now this? It was weird. Maybe Jae had told him what Sungjin had said yesterday? But only because of that? Never. And Jae would not- he had different interests at the moment.

When he arrived at the shop Sungjin was just putting some Christmas cards into the display and waved at him with a shy smile, and he couldn’t help but smile back at him.

 _Cute,_ somehow.

“Thanks for coming, Younghyun.”

“No worries, I was honestly just waiting for your call after Wonpil kicked you out. Are you okay?”

That question was probably more of a rhetoric questions since he clearly noticed the swollen eyes of the elder, meaning he must have cried his heart out.

“Okay, stupid question. I know-“

“It’s alright, it’s alright I…could now say that I was just joking to get rid of your brother but that would be…a step back.”

“Sungjin, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, you don’t have to justify yourself – it’s okay.”

“Well, all of you say that so easily. Wait, I will be back, I need to get back to the cash desk, if you could just get ready already.”

“Sure”

While Sungjin was rushing to the cash desk, Younghyun put his jacket to the back. He had to admit he could wear these shop own clothes the whole day, they were comfortable and warm, and they didn’t look bad either. If he would just stay here, he wouldn’t need to face the elder. But he had to, he just had to. Hence, he went back to the front desk.

“Okay Sungjin, what do you need to talk about?”

“Look, when I left the shop yesterday, everything was fine right?”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Well, things were not missing, no one came back to complain…right?”

“Right.”

“See the thing is, starting this early morning, there were several questions and complaints about missing belongings. There was nothing here so I assume they must have been stolen.”

“Did you call the police?”

“Yes, they took my record but…I’m not sure whether that will help.”

“Mh, that’s weird. Very weird. And the timing…on point I must say.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing, just Christmas right around the corner.”

And right after this successful event too. He was sure this was not a coincidence after all. There was someone else behind this and he could take a guess who it was. The game had started, and this was just the very first move.

“Younghyun, I feel terrible, this is all my fault. I mean phones and purses are not the best things you can lose right before Christmas. Especially purses.”

“How many if I can dare to ask?”

“Seven phones and eight purses-“

“What?? Sungjin this is not normal. Are you sure it’s true? For everyone who has claimed….”

“Younghyun, I know where you are going, but those were majorly people who do have money or do have a decent income at least.”

“Okay, sorry, but you have to admit that some people might sneak into this.”

With a deep sigh Sungjin sat down behind the counter, the younger standing right in front of it.

“Thank you, by the way.” He now looked down.

“For what Sungjin?”

“Sticking around” he smiled sadly “being here, not running away after yesterday.”

“Why should I- don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying. Don’t get me this far. Still, I feel weird, not necessarily in a bad way but…”

“Just weird? It’s okay…”

“And Jae? And Becca? What happened after? He didn’t hit you, didn’t he?”

“They talked. A lot. And it seems to be fine, I guess. The fact that he is going to be a dad decreased his urge to kill me probably. So yes, I think they are alright, he looked very happy.” Younghyun now smiled remembering how happy Jae had looked when he told him, just so happy. Would he ever be in that position? Well according to his dad most likely next year the latest, but to be honest, the thought of it just made him sick. He wanted children, didn’t he? All of this was just very confusing.

“I always wanted children to be honest.” The elder now sighed. “But hey maybe it’s just a phase, haha… I gotta work.” His face now turned bright red, he turned around and technically ran away from Younghyun.

_Park Sungjin, what the hell._

The rest of the evening went by smoothly, except that they had now ran out of Christmas cards which was not ideal on a Saturday night. Sungjin avoided the younger whenever he got close, neither had they exchanged another word.

“What are you doing after work?” He now asked the elder and put aside the cleaning equipment.

“Honestly? I didn’t sleep well last night so I might just go to sleep early. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay.” Younghyun would lie if he said that there wasn’t this slight feeling of disappointment spreading in his chest, but he understood he needed time. “Yes, true.” That half-hearted smile must have not looked too convincing though.

“Let me at least bring you home.”

“No! I…I mean no, I still need some time here.” He managed to stutter himself out somehow.

“I can wait.”

“Younghyun, it’s fine. I really appreciate it but it’s fine.”

“I know I did wrong, I-“

“STOP IT! Please I- oh god Younghyun I am so sorry I didn’t mean to shout at you I…” Before even finishing his sentence, he hit his head on the table, followed by a soft sobbing right after.

“Sungjin…” He wasn’t sure whether he should pull him closer at this stage or whether he wanted him to stay away completely. But it would have broken his heart to just sit there and watch, so he dared to slowly put his hand on his shoulder, softly. To his surprise however, the elder immediately wrapped both of his arms around Younghyun’s neck and hid his face in his shoulder, still sobbing silently. He didn’t do anything but patting his back lightly, since this was the only thing he was able to do at this stage.

“Let’s wrap it up here and I will bring you home. We could also grab some food and I could call Wonpil and-“

The elder now lifted his head and dried his last tears. He might have stopped crying, but his eyes were deeply swollen, and he looked tired – so tired. Still a sad smile escaped the elder and he was now facing Younghyun again.

“No, Wonpil does have lots to do himself and-“

“You just don’t want to bother him don’t you?”

“Maybe - yes I just don’t want to bother him. But I would be a little hungry indeed.”

“Chicken?”

“Chicken?”

“Chicken.”

“Okay, chicken sounds awesome. I will wrap this up and then we can leave.”

“I told you two boxes are not enough” Younghyun now moaned and took the last piece of chicken”

“Well, you said you weren’t that hungry though.”

“Same for you??”

“Got a point there.”

The two of them were now sitting in the elder’s living room, snuggled into blankets in front of the TV and watching the first Avengers movie since that was easy decision to make. Food, beer, a good movie, good company, a warm and cozy sofa - Younghyun hasn’t felt this good and relaxed in a while, if putting all his current worries aside. But somehow, he was able to blank all of this out, he was right here, right now. Unfortunately he already had two ignored calls from his dad; when he called for the third time he almost threw the phone away but decided to only throw it on the table in front of him, only for the elder to pick it up again.

“Why don’t you just pick up, maybe its urgent?”

“Believe me, it’s not urgent. I just don’t want to talk to him.”

“Maybe something happened.”

“No worries, I know what he wants. “

“Well-“

Just now he remembered the talk he had with Wonpil about Sungjin’s past and how he had lost his parents. He didn’t know how but the fact that he was ignoring his dad, Younghyun believed that it had to do with it for Sungjin to now react like this.

“I’m serious, Younghyun.”

“Hi, Dad, what is it?”

He didn’t want to pick up, he seriously didn’t. But having Sungjin staring at him like that, he couldn’t ignore him any longer.

“ _Younghyun, thanks god. Can’t…we talk? Please?”_

“Dad, we did talk. And it didn’t end to well.” Very well remembering his last words before he had left. And his dad probably just as much.

_“But…Younghyun, we need to talk about it.”_

“Dad, not now, please. Let’s talk tomorrow okay?”

_The later the better._

_“Where are you now?”_

“I’m…out. I need time for myself dad.”

_“I am sure you are lying, I’m hearing the TV in the background, but okay. Tomorrow night, I will wait. Take care, love.”_

“You too, bye dad.”

“Did something happen? Didn’t sound too good.”

 _You happened_ , Younghyun wanted to say but that would just make the elder feel worse. His dad was not stupid, if he would add 1+1, he knew what was up.

“Nothing serious, the usual parental issues.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

The younger now looked up and found Sungjin looking at him with these eyes that were just full of sincere concern and...love, if he were to describe it in one word.

“Younghyun?”

“What? Sorry, I was lost in thoughts. Let’s focus on the movie, huh?”

“Sure.”

When Younghyun woke up the other morning, he realized that it had happened once again. Both of them seemed to have fallen asleep without noticing, Sungjin curled up next to him. He grabbed the blanket and carefully pulled it up to his shoulders. Looking outside the window, the morning seemed to have not even arrived, and checking the clock it was only 5am. If he only wouldn’t have things to organize for later – but the effort would definitely be worth it. And somewhat he was looking forward to the reaction of the elder. But for now it would still be his secret and he loved it.

**

“Younghyun, when did you…”

The two of them were now standing in front of a bunch of tiny presents, sweets& toys, and even a tiny Christmas tree had found its way.

“Yesterday, when I told you I still had meetings and uni, that was true, but there was something else I had to do of course. And this morning I left earlier also.”

“I don’t know what to say Younghyun, I … thank you.” Sungjin only received a bright smile in return and now helped to load everything onto his van. Looking at the two of them, outsiders might have thought they would be knowing each other for years whereas in fact, it has only been roughly two weeks in total. He wasn’t too sure yet why the younger was still sticking around when Sungjin himself must have been so obvious during the last days – just so obvious. He was talking to him as normal, looking at him as normal, slept over as normal, joking as normal. Everything stayed the same. It’s not that he wasn’t happy about it and if that was to stay like this, that it would be great, no question. But he wasn’t too sure whether he would endure staying this close to him for long without anything happening.

“This is only for…the kiddos. I didn’t know and how much to-“

“No worries Younghyun, I have prepared something with Becca.”

“Well this is plenty so it is more than enough for the orphanage-“

Sungjin was more than confused when the younger suddenly stopped and stared for a second, then continued talking.

“Where did I stop, seems to be enough so I think there will be enough leftover for the kids at the other place.”

“True though, we will be heading for the orphanage first anyway and then continue because the kids need to sleep and the last Sunday before Christmas at the Station usually takes longer than usual.”

Yes, Younghyun did not look too happy when he mentioned the Station but there was no way of lying to him. He still didn’t understand though why the younger disliked the Station so much. And after last week – well. He had made himself quite clear and simply hoped he would not do that again. He had proper reasons to do so and yes, he had been touched by how much the younger had stood up for him, but maybe just a little too much.

“You will survive Younghyun.”

“I better do.”

“Come on, let’s go, the weather seems to be good today and no snow is forecasted yet. I also refilled the tank.”

“You better did.” The younger now grinned and got into the car. “Oh wait, I forgot something, wait here” the younger ran back into his house and loaded something to the back of the car, Younghyun now sitting in the back of the van. _What the hell?_

“Why so many blankets, Younghyun? Why don’t you just sit next to me?”

“You will see” He now grinned endlessly, his eyes completely disappearing when he was looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

“Younghyun what’s this weird noise??” He would have loved to look back but he needed to focus on the street. “

As I said, that’s a surprise. No worries.”

“Okay.”

Just as last time, the kids were welcoming them with open arms as soon as they arrived and clung onto the two of them tight, even to Younghyun. Right after, he saw the director of the orphanage shaking Younghyun’s hand and then hugging him right after exchanging a few words. Didn’t they only meet once? Was there a reason to worry?

“Right after the songs I would say?” She now grinned at him.

“Okay.”

“Younghyun, what-“

“Jealous huh?” Younghyun grinned, followed by an awkward silence right after. _Yes_ , he wanted to say, and his face had probably said it all, but it remained silent between the two of them.

“Hey, Jinhwan! You practised as promised?”

“Sure! Should I show you?” Jinhwan jumped in excitement with sparkling eyes and pulled Younghyun with him.

“Reminds me of you when you were his age.” The mid aged lady now approached Sungjin directly, both watching how Jinhwan was proudly playing some broken chords.

“Does he?”

“I remember when you first came here, the first thing you did was asking for a guitar, you looked so happy. I remember buying you one from my last money.”

“Did I? You never told me! Thank you.” Sungjin now smiled, his eyes still fixed on Younghyun who was now walking out with Jinhwan in direction of the front entrance.

“He is very nice, Younghyun, I mean. I like him.”

“Me too.” _Wait, what_. “I mean yeah, he is nice. Where did they go?”

“Oh, I think they are going to get the presents. Was it your idea?” She now grinned and went to gather the kids.

“Okay everyone, we do have something for all of you.”

Sungjin was confused, just very, very confused. Did he miss out on something? Seemingly yes. He was even more confused when all of the kids suddenly started squeaking and were approaching the entrance, where Jinhwan opened the door for Younghyun, who was now entering and, Sungjin couldn’t believe his eyes, carrying a tiny fluffy, Golden Retriever puppy in his arms. Usually he wasn’t like that but for now he only had one thought: this was cute. As cute that he would die for it. He watched the younger kneeling down and immediately being surrounded by 25 excited children, all wanting to cuddle and greet this little friend at the same time, before in the end he joined himself.

“Younghyun, when-“

“I told you, yesterday I went to buy presents. I told my mom to keep him for the night.

“He actually came here again to ask me whether it would be a good idea and okay to have over a dog.”

“I just thought the kids would love a new housemate and also they would learn what it’s like to take over responsibility.”

“This is…this is great Younghyun. This is great.”

 _You are great_ , but he didn’t speak it out loud.

“Does he already have a name?” One of the kids asked and looked at Younghyun with big eyes.

“What would you think of…Bob.”

If he was certain that he didn’t cry yet, he now noticed a tiny tear running down his cheek down to his lips. And maybe it should have tasted salty, but this time it was rather bittersweet.

“I like Bob” one of the kids jumped in excitement and Younghyun got up again.

“He needs a bit of rest okay? And there is many of you so please be a little quieter and switch, he just needs to get used to so many new friends. This little man is just a little scared.”

“Okay” one could literally see that sad emoji faced spreading along the room. When Younghyun got up he straightforward approached him, him who had been watching this scene in front of him in total awe.

“Say hi to uncle Sungjin. Sungjin, say hi to Bob.”

“Younghyun I- am without words. Seriously.”

“Wait” Younghyun now used Bob’s paw to dry some tears that had followed – he wanted to stop but he couldn’t. It made it even worse.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yes, no worries. It’s tears of joy.”

Indeed, all of this was supposed to have a bittersweet taste and feeling. Younghyun might have not known, but he spent his whole childhood and teenager being here, and of course he had a good time and good care was taken of him. But it also hadn’t been easy, at least in the beginning. He knew it was in the past and he couldn’t change anything, but at that time he had been pretty much lost, empty. He had been a seven-year-old who had seen things a seven-year-old should have not seen; he had lost his family, friends – but hey, life went on for him and he was leading a healthy and stable life, a roof over his head, was surrounded by great people, was doing something he liked – and had now found someone that he liked, just so much. But whether that was a blessing or a grudge he yet had to find out. It was scary. He liked him so much but the probability that he liked him back or that his feelings would find acceptance socially, were rather low. And his shop? The way the younger acted it sounded as if he could lose his shop anytime soon. He might think too much about it but to be honest – he just wanted to be happy, and at the moment that was the case. So maybe it was simply for the better to focus on the here and now, where he was happy. Because his future was as uncertain as only once before.

“Sungjin, are you sure?”

“What? Yes! Yes, no I am just…very happy Younghyun, very happy.”

After having distributed some additional presents they had brought and singing some songs, the clock had already stricken 6pm which meant they had to head for the Station already. If it was for Younghyun he would have probably preferred to stay here for another couple of hours instead of heading there. Everyone was saying their goodbyes after felt thousands of hugs, Jinhwan had gotten more chords to practise and to be honest, seeing everyone being so genuinely happy was a great feeling.

“And if there is something wrong with the dog or if you need just ANYTHING please tell Sungjin or me and I will take care of it okay?”

“Sure, thanks both of you, I believe the kids will not forget this Christmas.” The director now bowed to them both with a grateful smile. “Get back safe okay? And Merry Christmas.”

“Oh, we will this time. Merry Christmas to you too, ma’am.” Oh, how much Sungjin had missed his sarcasm.

“Bye!”

Sungjin just waited for the door to close, and suddenly he couldn’t help it. Against any rationality he wrapped his arms around the younger and held him tight. And against any expectations, Younghyun hesitantly put his hands on his back and head on his shoulder. He could have shoved him away, but the younger hadn’t. Instead he now pulled him closer and Sungjin thought his heart might jump out of his chest.

“Thanks, Younghyun, for everything.”

“Anything Sungjin, anything.”

If he would have wanted, the world could have stopped at this very second, forever, and he wouldn’t have minded at all.

“I’m sorry, Sungjin.” He now mumbled into his shoulder without letting go.

“For what?”

“For this mess I created.”

“It’s a beautiful mess, isn’t it?”

“That sounds very poetic, I might write a song out of it.”

“That’s quite an honour.”

“Oh, it is.” Sungjin might not see the youngers face but he could sense he was grinning his usual mischievous grin.

“We need to leave Sungjin.”

“Right…right.”

There it was again, this empty feeling. He knew that feeling his warmth like that, he would probably not get that often, but he could tell he was already addicted. During the drive they didn’t really talk and for the first time, for the first time there was this awkward silence where neither of them knew what to say and Sungjin was just glad when they had finally arrived and Daesung greeted them with a big smile.

“Great to see you again. Also you, Younghyun right?”

“Yes, right.” He didn’t know what it was or what exactly made him do it, but he instinctively put his arm around the elders shoulder and also left it there, until another nicely dressed 30 year old man with dark hair and a tall figure approached the group and put his arm around Daesung’s shoulder as if – _why did this feel so odd._

“Hi Seunghyun, long time no see” He now watched the elder grinning towards that good looking guy who kind of- wait, he was that fashion designer they had cooperated with, that’s probably why Daesung looked so familiar, maybe he had been with him that time.

“Choi Seunghyun?” Younghyun now asked hesitantly and looked straight at the elder, leaving both of them in confusion.

“Yes indeed. Ah! Kang Younghyun, right? You were working with me, on my new studio!”

“Ah, indeed! I remember now.”

“You guys did a great job, honestly.”

“Thanks, really. I’m so glad you like it, really.”

Seriously. This had been one of the very first projects where he had participated in the design and planning process. It felt great to hear he did well, showing him that the path he had taken was eventually the right one.

“Okay, we gotta start everyone” Daesung now ordered everyone and left with Seunghyun on his side.

“Say, how do they know each other?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Sungjin now said and looked at the younger in disbelief.

“Uhm, no?”

“Seunghyun is Daesung’s partner, like…they are a couple.”

“Seriously?? Oups.”

“I think they fit together very well. They have now been together for five or six years.”

“Well, they are quite…different.”

“Is that so.” Sungjin now looked down. “Anyway, we gotta do something, if you could already get the presents out of the car that would be great, I just need to talk to Daesung for a second for…later.” And he was gone, just like that. This was hopeless. Younghyun didn’t really know how to act and what to say at this stage – not when it was this awkward between the two of them. And if they wouldn’t talk about it today, then it would be tomorrow the latest.

He now did as he was told and joined the three of them who were already giving out meals. Since Sungjin was already with Seunghyun he joined Daesung with the soup.

“Say Younghyun…you and Sungjin, what exactly is that between the two of you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Younghyun, I’m not stupid and I’m not deaf, neither blind. Don’t tell him I told you, but Sungjin told me. About what he did and well, it didn’t take me long to guess.”

With a deep sigh Younghyun poured a cup of soup and gave it to an elderly man who then gave him a warm smile in return.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know. It’s just all very very confusing.”

“Have you ever tried?” Daesung now whispered and it’s not that Younghyun was feeling uncomfortable but strange. Because he suddenly started questioning so many things. It had all been pretty self-evident up to now. Maybe his sub-conscious mind did want to keep it. He did kiss a guy once but to be honest, that was for truth or dare when he was 18 years old. Well, and there was a time when he had been drunk and-

“But I didn’t mind. And even if, I would probably disappoint my dad, a lot. He is expecting grand children, even now. And my stepbrother, who is not his own son, is already expecting with his fiancé.”

“Ouch.”

“Yes, ouch. See, Daesung, it’s just I like that everything is so…natural. We’re from different worlds but we’re yet so similar. It’s like I’ve been knowing him for a long time but in fact it has only been roughly two weeks. Here your soup.”

“If I can give you one advise, talk to your dad about it. Seriously. Anything else will make you unhappy. I don’t know him, he might accept it he might give you the feeling of being a disappointment but whatever it is: it’s you who is deciding on your own happiness.”

“That was deep.”

“I know, but also very true. I’ve been through it, and more. Believe me I went through hell. And I’m not exaggerating.”

“I think my dad has a hunch. We agreed on talking tonight – actually.”

Now that he was actually verbalizing all of this, he noticed how serious this was and how serious tonight would be for him. He would have to make a decision, right?

“Okay, please do me a favour and do that. You have to promise me.”

Younghyun now stole a glance at the elder who seemed to have noticed and smiled at him brightly, whereas Younghyun was only able to return a half-hearted smile. Daesung was right, and he owed the elder something; not just something but the truth of which he wasn’t even sure what it was.

“Hi Dad, I’m back.” He now greeted his father who was sitting at the kitchen table working at his laptop. Younghyun grabbed two beers from the fridge and sat down next to his father. To be honest, he kind of wished the beer was Whiskey, he could definitely need something high percentage.

“Okay dad, you wanted to talk?”

“Yes, Younghyun I actually don’t know…how to start this.”

“Well, I don’t know, you wanted to talk.”

“Younghyun I will make it short: I am putting you off the project. Jae will now take care of it alone.”

“Wait, what?? Dad, you can’t do that!”

He couldn’t believe what his dad had just said.

“It’s for your own good sake son. Believe me.”

“No dad, it’s for your good sake. I’m making good progress and I even planned this as my master’s thesis project.”

“I will help you to find another one, promised. But please stop seeing him Younghyun. Please.”

“Dad, I’m sorry if I disap-“

“Younghyun, you are the best that ever happened to me but you are my only son and-“

“You could never bare me seeing a guy, isn’t it. Dad, I don’t even know myself at this stage it’s all very confusing and-“

“No, it’s not that Younghyun. Well, also. But it’s Sungjin I’m worried about, Park Sungjin. If it was anyone else but Park Sungjin. You don’t even know him or who he is.”

“Okay dad, I’m sick of this, seriously. Why do you keep on telling me to not see him if you don’t even have a proper reason to do so. Please tell me, dad and I will reconsider. I mean as long as he didn’t kill someone it’s fine isn’t it?”

“Younghyun, this ain’t funny.” His dad now looked at him straight, his gaze stoned and fierce.

“Dad, don’t tell me he killed someone like, I know his parents died and he has a friend like Wonpil, he owns a charity shop, he grew up in an orphanage, someone like that would never- Dad he didn’t kill anybody.” Younghyun now leaned back, arms crossed in front of his chest with all kinds of thoughts wandering through his head. If his dad was like this, it must be something serious. But to be honest, Sungjin was not the type to be a criminal or even murderer. Wasn’t he? “Dad, is he-?”

He would have now expected his dad to nod in disagreement and be like _no Younghyun, how come you are having these crazy thoughts_ , but neither happened. Instead, he had this face, this typical face when he had to propose bad news to them. This face is probably the only thing he remembers from 18 years ago, and therefore, his feeling right now, it was bad, as bad as never before.

“Okay Younghyun” He now took a deep breath and sat straight “You said his parents are dead, what age was he when they died.”

“Seven.”

“What age were you when your mom died.”

“Se…ven.”

“He owns a charity shop, why does he own one Younghyun.”

“Dad could you maybe stop this questioning and just tell me- Okay, I don’t know why he did so, because he wanted to help. Sees the imbalance there is in society.”

“Yes. But did he ever tell you why he does so? About his parents?”

“No, I…had to find out through is best friend. I know they died but that’s it.”

“Fact Younghyun is that they committed suicide. Both of them.”

“What?? How would you know that?!”

“They…were our friends Younghyun, they were our friends.”

Younghyun held his breath; he couldn’t believe what he just heard; it couldn’t be.

“Dad, I’m very sorry to hear that but Sungjin he-“

“He almost died with them, but-“

His voice now lowered, and his eyes looked watery as if he was about to cry. With a choking voice he now continued talking staring at the table.

“They left your mom a letter just before they- I don’t know how she knew where they were, she probably just concluded well.”

“Dad…” Younghyun now took his hands and waited for him to continue.

“There was this lake where we used to go camping together, the one close to our old house. It was the deepest winter and the lake was freezing cold. His parents they…drove into the lake. They wanted to drown themselves and wanted to take their son with them. Mom found them, she jumped into the lake, and must have managed to get Sungjin out but –“

“- she died.” Younghyun froze on the spot, every single of his muscle fibres tensed. His heart – empty.

“She had a heart disease in general, not life threatening but in that situation it just…gave up. God Younghyun, if I would have only-“

“Dad, I- why did you never tell me? I- wait dad.”

This was too much. All these years his dad had told him his mom had died through an accident, a car accident and then froze. Whereas in reality she had died…saving someone’s life. Not someone’s but…Sungjin’s life. Wait-

“Dad wait, Sungjin, his name back then it wasn’t Sungjin, it was Bob, wasn’t it? I thought he moved to the States back then. He is THAT Bob.”

“Yes, Younghyun. I told you he moved there because I just couldn’t stand…whenever I saw him I-“

“Dad, he was…alone, I-“

This explained why he didn’t want him to meet Sungjin, because it reminded him of how his mom had died, no. Because she had died because of him. No, for him. There was a difference, right? It was a mess. Chaos. After years, he met someone he could call a friend, after years; just to find out that he had been his long forgotten best friend, Bob. He should have known when he introduced himself as Bob; it had sounded so familiar. Back then they were at an International School and Korean names were not really a topic, even in elementary school. They had been seven years old back then – 18 damn years. And after everything that happened it didn’t surprise him that they had not recognized each other right away. And knowing that Sungjin could have had support back then but never received any from those who should have helped him back then – it felt awful.

“Younghyun, please say something.”

“Dad, he was alone I- when I think about I- I get that he reminded you of mom but seriously, dad…sorry, I don’t want to judge you, it’s just…”

“Younghyun, I know it was selfish and cruel and I’m ashamed, and up to today, I just feel horrible. Please believe me.”

“Dad, you would be a monster if you didn’t so of course I believe you. It’s just all these years. Maybe it would have been easier to understand why she had to die back then. And I would have…had a best friend and…sorry dad, I know it was hard for you, thanks for telling me.”

“You are not angry?”

He was disappointed, very disappointed, but it was all in the past and now ignoring him because he was disappointed and angry was no solution after all. Indeed, he understood a little why overall, but both of them knew this decision back then had been wrong.

“Dad, there is nothing we can change about it now so why should I now be angry about something that happened so far in the past and personally, I think you have suffered enough already.”

His dad who was sitting across the table now looked at Younghyun through an alley of tears, holding on to his hands tight.

“When have you gotten this big. And mature. At least I managed to raise you somewhat well, didn’t I?” A weak smile escaped his lips and he now loosened his grip. “Anyways Younghyun, that’s why I don’t want you to see him anymore.”

“Dad, you just admitted you made a mistake. If you now forbid me to see him, you can’t be quite serious about it. Except for…there is another reason.”

“Younghyun, please.”

“Dad, if you want to discuss it, not today. I have heard enough to digest and honestly dad, whatever you are gonna say, my love life is still my very own concern.”

“Not if the future of the company wouldn’t depend on it.”

“Are you serious right now? You just said I was the best that ever happened to you; you told me after 18 years that mom died saving my best friend, whom you then just ignored because it reminded you of her death too much, and that friend is Park Sungjin, who in return is one of the few people I would call a friend right now. And now you want to preach about the future of this company? Sorry dad, but that ain’t it.”

“Younghyun, I was serious when I said all of this. But we’re also businessmen and this is important.”

“What is important. The fact that you might not get grandchildren too soon?”

“…ever Younghyun, if I might ever get them.”

“I don’t know dad, I don’t know. And even if, who says that they would want to work in this business. You were just lucky that it was my choice studying Real Estate and architecture because I find it interesting. I could have easily done music too, I’m not that bad at that either dad, you know?”

“Are you seriously daring to talk to me like that Younghyun? Is a grandchild so much to ask for?”

“So much? So much??? Dad, that is a lot!”

Younghyun tried to stay as calm as possible but at this stage it was not easy for him. Who was he to order him how to lead his life? Younghyun was putting so much effort and passion and interest into the company that he thought his dad was proud, but now this…this was shocking to hear, especially from his dad.

“Do you like him?” His dad asked all of a sudden and Younghyun’s hard skipped a beat – he hadn’t expected this question, at least not this sudden.

“What?”

“Sungjin, do you like him.”

“Of course, we get along well…”

“You know what I mean.”

“Maybe dad, I don’t know.”

“Younghyun, just think rationally, there would be no …future. At all.”

“How would you know that dad huh? I’m really struggling right now, especially now, and all you can do is to think of the future of the company.”

This was enough, more than enough. Younghyun hastily got up to run to his room, ignoring his dad who was shouting after him. But he didn’t care. This talk was leading nowhere, and for today it would probably be better to let everything settle, for both of them.

Sungjin.

He had been his best friend – no surprise everything felt so comfortable. Because that’s what it’s destined to be. But knowing that the elder could have grown up with a roof over his head or at least people he knew, he felt sorry, sad, disappointed. Sungjin would hate him for that, his dad would probably hate him if he would continue seeing Sungjin, and he would also take him off the project – this was the end. Upon entering his room, he immediately sunk down on his bed, his face pressed into the pillow. He did not want to cry but right now he didn’t care, he just didn’t care anymore. About anything or anyone. This was a mess – his personal mess – and for now he didn’t see a way out of it. He didn’t even know how to face the elder tomorrow, and what to tell him. Not telling anything was an option but it would destroy the younger from the inside. If he could only tell someone: Dowoon? He was working at the moment and busy later. Wonpil? Sungjin’s best friend and the least viable option. Parents? No. Jae? Or Becca? No, they were out of town and only coming back for Christmas tomorrow night to do some Christmas shopping. Great. So at this stage he was his own best friend. He could call Terry – but he hadn’t talked to him in such a long time and it would be selfish just because he had a problem and no one else to talk. Hunter? Sohee? Even less viable than Wonpil.

Out of despair he grabbed his guitar and a piece of paper and started writing, tears blurring some of the words he had almost aggressively written down.

_Why am I alone_

_Despite of all the people surrounding me_

“Why the hell am I alone” he now whispered silently just to fall asleep shortly after, the guitar still in his arms.


	8. Losing You

It was early in the morning when Sungjin opened the shop after having slept for a couple of hours only. As usual on Christmas many customers would come in just to give Sungjin some Christmas wishes before he closed for one day on the 25th December. In moments like these he noticed that his work showed of, that people were actually appreciating what he was doing for them. But even if they wouldn’t, he would probably still do it until the very end. He loved it when so many people were coming in on the 24th December and usually, it was not Junpyo working so that was great. Instead it was an elderly lady who stopped working a couple of years ago and helped out from time to time.

“Sungjin dear, what are your plans for Christmas?” She now asked him with that warm but fragile voice of hers; and thinking about it, it made his heart skip a beat. He would be alone, with him, a whole evening, night and day…how. It seemed surreal. And he was nervous, especially since there were so many unspoken words between the two of them – just so many. Also the fact that the younger hadn’t contacted him ever since they parted ways yesterday made him feel insecure. It was quite unusual not to hear back from him. Well, as long as he would like his present Sungjin would be fine, because he didn’t know how the younger would react to it.

“I am celebrating it with a friend. A good friend, yes.”

“Oh, Wonpil then?”

“No, not Wonpil this time.”

“Okay dear, enjoy.”

“You too, granny, you too.” He now smiled warmly at the elderly lady and went to the back of the shop to restock, while checking his phone every three minutes until he decided to call him – but only the mailbox picked up. He might have been a little paranoid, but he just couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to worry that much, but he just did. The younger might have just been busy with something, right? Right. He was just overthinking once again.

“Hey, Sungjin!” A cheerful voice now greeted him, belonging to no one else than to his best friend.

“Wonpil, hey! I’m happy you dropped by. I planned to come by later anyway.”

“Well, I just finished work and thought I might just wish you a Merry Christmas before we celebrate Christmas separately for the first time in so many years.”

“Never thought about that to be honest.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Dying.”

“You will be fine, Sungjin. Just be yourself.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Well, from your updates I can say you’re on a good way huh?”

“I don’t know Wonpil, what if he rejects me completely and doesn’t want to see me again?”

“Should I be honest with you?”

“No.”

“I will still do. See, he is not stupid. He probably knows…that you like him. And he is still sticking around.”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Honestly: yes.”

“Great.”

“And I think the two of you should talk this out. And who knows maybe…Oh look who’s getting red!” he was now laughing and pinched his cheeks.

“Hey! I don’t know I have a bad feeling. Anyway, I do still have a present for you, but open it tomorrow please.”

“Then here is mine.”

Gifts on Christmas were some kind of tradition. Even when they were only ten years old they would still give each other presents.

“I just hope whatever decision you make, that it will make you happy in the end.”

“What would I do without you Wonpil, seriously.” He now hugged the younger, rubbing his back. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Okay Sungjin, I think I get going, what time are you guys leaving?”

“I actually don’t know, he is not picking up.”

“It’s the afternoon only, don’t worry. Have you packed your things?”

“Actually, yes I have. Don’t need much, don’t I?”

“No, let’s hope not.” He suddenly winked just to earn a death stare from the elder.

“God, Wonpil you pervert.”

“I love it.” Wonpil couldnt hide his excitement in any way.

“But you s…never mind. You gotta leave right? Are you really sure about lying to your colleague?”

“Yes, Sungjin, I have never been more certain. She is very happy these days and I don’t want to be the reason for that to vanish.”

“You know that’s quite admirable. You are admirable. Not many people would do what you are doing.”

“Seriously? I don’t think so but…never mind. Good luck Sungjin, don’t mess this up.”

“Will try my best.”

“And Sungjin?”

“Yes?”

“Life’s too short Sungjin, tell him. Tell him that you like him.”

And Wonpil was gone. And Sungjin alone again. Maybe all of this was too big for him, all of this. And he was freaking out once again because things were starting to become serious. The clenching feeling in his chest even worsened when he found a Christmas card between all the letters he still hadn’t opened and also wouldn’t open until after Christmas.

_Merry Christmas, Mr. Park. May you celebrate a happy Christmas before the year ends…_

_Kindest Regards, Royale Estate_

“Before things get worse” Sungjin mumbled to himself "Disgusting."

And he ripped the card into pieces and threw it away. Royale Estate. If they were to belong somewhere it would be his trashcan after all. Sungjin knew that this card wouldn’t be the last thing he would be hearing from them. Indeed, just like Younghyun probably, he already suspected them to be behind the series of missing belongings. And if he could believe Younghyun, this was only the very beginning. Capitalism sucked. He did have his reasons for disliking those kind of people, even though Younghyun didn’t really fit the stereotype. Luckily. At times he really really needed to remind himself that there was good people among them, even though it was still hard. And his thoughts had arrived at Younghyun once again _. Help._

He didn’t hear from the younger until 6 in the evening and if he didn’t know better, Sungjin would have thought that Younghyun didn’t want to go with him, that he was maybe annoyed or even disgusted in a way. Or something happened? Who knew? Anything could have happened.

_Sungjin stop it. He was fine, he was not annoyed by you. Everything would be fine._

“Hey.” Someone suddenly whispered right next to his ear causing him to squeak out of shock. “Damn it, why-“

His anger disappeared within a second when he locked eyes with the younger who now smiled at him.

“Younghyun, thanks god you are fine, I couldn’t reach you.”

“Because I didn’t have my phone on, I’m sorry Sungjin. By the way, you sounded like a hamster squeaking like that” he now joked, but when he was having a closer look, his eyes looked swollen, tired and he looked pale, way too pale; his ruffled hair however looked kind of adorable and he could slap himself for just having thought that.

“You’re looking good today, Sungjin.”

“Thank you…”

“Would it be okay for you to leave a little earlier? The shop I mean.”

“Sure, I have already brought my stuff. And beer.”

“I also did some groceries, I’m gonna cook some meat and I wanna try some pasta as well if you don’t mind.“

“Why are you looking at me like that, Younghyun? What happened, you don’t seem o-“

“I’m fine Sungjin, no worries. I will tell you later, okay? And Sungjin, I am happy you’re with me.”

And all of the worries he had until this stage were just gone within a second, and it was not only a few hours later when Sungjin found himself sitting on the passenger seat next to Younghyun. Luckily the weather had gotten better and despite of early darkness, visibility was high. And maybe, just maybe, Younghyun’s car was slightly more trustworthy than his own. It was almost the same route as to the orphanage, only that it wasn’t as far and they turned left instead of going straight. On their way they passed by a lake, which was probably long frozen already. _Wait._

“This is weird, this seems kinda familiar.” This lake, why did it seem so familiar to him. Some vague memories started to cross his mind, but he couldnt quite grasp them. 

“Younghyun, I think I went here before we…went here during holidays when we wanted to get out it's just my memories seem so…blurred. There was my parents and another couple; and I had a friend, yeah. His name was…Brian.“ A clenching feeling filled his chest remembering his friend from back then. He didn’t even remember how he looked back then, he had solely remained a vague, sad, yet happy memory from his childhood. The only one he had. And somewhat it was driving him crazy right now. Why couldn’t he remember? He hadn’t thought about him in a long time. He hadn't seen him ever since his parents had taken him from school. All those letters he had written for him; he remembered the emptiness whenever there was no answer. Year, after year, after year. And he eventually gave up. And up to this day Sungjin believed it had to do with the fact that Brian and his family had been ashamed of him, and his family. Losing his parents had been hard, but losing his friend had just hurt as much.

“I wonder if he is doing alright. What would he be doing right now? I’m wondering.” A sad smile escaped his lips. But Younghyun didn’t say anything, he rather looked as if he almost froze on the spot, but then Sungjin noticed they had already arrived at a house, a pretty house. It was white with wooden applications and a grey roof which was mostly covered in snow. He could swear he had seen this before. Oddly enough lights were burning as well on the inside as on the outside.

“I already went here today to bring over some stuff and turn on the heating so we wouldn’t freeze today. No worries, there is a fireplace and loads of blankets too.” He finally grinned and turned off the car.

Entering the house, they first got into a relatively small hallway just to enter a wide and open joined living room, dining room and kitchen. The style itself seemed modern but was very cosy and rustic at the same time due to the usage of a white wooden kitchen, dark brown furniture and a wooden floor. There were loads of windows to all sides, a huge sleeping couch was placed in the very corner joined with a flat screen TV and cosy fireplace. Next to that even a small Christmas tree had found its way which the younger must have brought in earlier today. Younghyun now placed the remaining groceries on the kitchen island unit. 

“I’m just going to the toilet.”

“It’s-“

“Through the hallway on the left? I…know.” Oddly, he knew.

“Okay.”

When Sungjin came back, Younghyun started to prepare the meat and pre-heat the pan and oven.

“Can I help?”

“Sure, you can cut the vegetable if you want to.”

“Sure. I know you’re not much into vegetables but you gotta get your vitamins somehow” the younger finally grinned after felt hours. But apart from preparing the vegetables, Sungjin couldn’t do much but watch the younger cooking, which he clearly didn’t mind at all.

“You’re staring.” The younger grinned without looking up, which in return also meant he luckily didn’t see him blushing.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it.” Maybe Sungjin didn’t care anymore whether he was being obvious, and whether the younger noticed. It had been too late anyways so _fight, not flight._

“Smells good though.”

“Wanna try?”

“Sure.” Sungjin now went from opposite the island next to Younghyun who was now blowing a piece of meat and put it into Sungjin’s mouth.

“Damn, that’s hot. But I love it. Tastes great.”

“Happy to hear that. How about you get some plates and stuff and I turn on the fire in the fireplace?”

“Sure.”

“Younghyun, I know this sounds weird but…I feel like I have been here before. Seriously.”

Even though Younghyun had his back turned towards him, Sungjin could clearly see how his whole body seemed to tense.

“Younghyun, tell me what’s up with you today. I know you’re not fine.”

“It’s not- How about we first eat huh?” He now smiled sadly and went back to put the cooked pasta off the stove. “No worries, it’s not necessarily an only negative development. But it- never mind. Open some – no, bad idea, let’s have some beer first. Wine for later.”

“Sure, do you have a lighter here? I will prepare the table already.”

“How about the table in the living room and we watch some silly stuff?”

“Even better.” Sungjin now grinned back at the younger and put some plates and cutleries on the couch table

“Very romantic.”

“That’s what I am.”

“Honestly…not really. You didn’t even put Christmas decoration.”

“You’ve got a point. Maybe I just didn’t have a reason to be romantic until no-“

He hadn’t said this out loud. He just hadn’t. The younger however just grinned to himself and ignored his comment.

“Please take this to the table already.”

**

Younghyun was watching the elder carrying all side dishes to the table until he sat down and waited for Younghyun to join him. This view in front of him – seeing Sungjin waiting there, the food prepared, looking at him with that smile of his just to wait for him to finally sit down and start eating, it was a beautiful picture to him. And knowing that this might, or would, be the last time to do so, it frightened him. Just so much.

“This is so good, I swear. The best pasta I have had in a long long time. And I eat a lot as you may have noticed.”

“Thank you. We’ve got enough for five people so eat as much as you can.”

“You don’t need to tell me twice! Younghyun…I know you wanted to do that after dinner but…what happened. You’re not quite yourself today. You really don’t look good.”

He now caught the eyes of the elder which were filled with curiosity but also agony. After having taken the last bite he took a deep breath and straightened his back. Miserable couldn’t even describe how he felt, his chest almost exploding, his throat turning dry.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Depends on what it is?”

“If you want to leave, please just do so.”

“Younghyun why would I- if that has to do with the shop we can talk about it-“

“Please just listen. Believe me when I say I didn’t know, my dad he…wanted to talk and, here.” Younghyun now handed the elder a couple of photos which Younghyun remembered having and had been looking for hours for this morning. Photos he hadn’t looked at in years.

“Photos? Childhood photos are cute but-“

“Sungjin. Bob.”

“Bob?” He now grinned at the younger but he couldn’t return it, not now.

“That’s your dad, your…mom?”

Younghyun only nodded silently, facing the ground.

“How old were you here?”

“Seven.”

“I don’t know why but…I still can’t get over the fact that all of this seems so familiar to me.”

“Maybe there is a reason. A proper reason.”

The grin that filled the elders face now disappeared and a look of bewilderedness crossed his face.

“That’s your parents and…my parents and-“

And he switched to the next photo.

“Wait that’s you and…that’s me.”

“And the next it’s all of…us.”

 _Us_. It was strange to say. Younghyun wasn’t taking off his gaze off the elder who just stopped and continued staring at the photo for felt hours.

“You owe me another dinner then I guess, Brian. “

When their eyes met Younghyun didn’t know what to read in them.

 _Why is he just staring at me_ , _say something_ Younghyun thought to himself, every cell of his prepared for the elder to just get up and leave his life forever. His breath stopped when a bright smile formed on his face, and without being prepared for it Sungjin now hugged him tight. Finally, he was able to breathe again; he was relieved, but also his heart broke into a thousand pieces.

“After so many years, I thought you hated me and were…ashamed of me. God, Younghyun.”

He seriously wanted to cry. But hadn’t he run out of tears by now? He couldn’t cry, not yet, not now.

“Sungjin, how could you think that, I thought you moved to the States with your parents and just never said…goodbye. Listen to me, I have to tell you something. I don’t know how to start this- Sungjin I know about your parents, that they…committed suicide.”

“How- don’t say Wonpil-“

“No, dad told me, they were best friends back then just like…us.”

He didn’t need to drag Wonpil into this as well.

“I am speechless. Speechless but just so happy.”

“Listen, before you find out from anyone else, I do also know that you were…in that car back then.”

“Younghyun, I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“No, I understand, it’s not about that. It’s just the person who saved you was…it was my mom Sungjin. And then instead of taking care of you my dad-“ This was harder. Harder than he thought it would be. He didn’t want to cry, he just couldn’t hold it in, even his voice, it was almost gone. Even looking into the other’s eyes, it was just not possible.

“And then she died and my dad he just couldn’t bare with it and I think you just reminded him of mom too much and…you were alone Sungjin, and that’s our fault. I’m so sorry.” By now his tears had turned into endless sobbing. Silence filled the room. Deathly silence.

When Younghyun dared to look up, it felt as if he was looking into a mirror. The elder was just staring at him, blankly, followed by tears that were running down his cheeks.

“You’re sorry?” The elder now dared to speak up.

“You are sorry? I can’t believe it, Younghyun, I just can’t believe it.”

This was it. He had lost the elder forever, hadn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was supposed to be way longer, BUT there is already so much happening and will be so much happening in the second half that I split them in half YEY. Anyway, enjoy! Next chapter will be up shortly! And maybe....MAYBE, I might start posting another story I started writing some while ago, but I'm not sure yet😌


	9. Nightmare

“You are sorry? I can’t believe it, Younghyun, I just can’t believe it.”

“I know, I don’t know what to say I-“

“I just can’t believe you are sorry. It’s not you. You’re the least person to be sorry Younghyun. Out of everyone. She died because of me. I need to be sorry, if I wouldn’t have been in that shitty car-”

“For you Sungjin, she died for you. How could it be your fault, ever. Please don’t ever think that. It’s everyone’s and no one’s fault. ”

“God Younghyun, what kind of dream is this is, this is not real. It doesn’t make any sense” he was now hiding his face in his hands.

“Unfortunately, it all does make sense now.”

“And why the hell would I want to leave now?? After you told me that your mom died while saving my life?”

“Because you…were alone, didn’t have anyone and then my dad, he didn’t even attempt to help you. We left you alone, in the dark.”

“He had proper reasons to do so.”

“You know, when I thought you just moved away, I think in my whole life I never found someone I could call my best friend again, even though we were only seven. Never. And the last two weeks, everything just felt…”

“Right?”

“Yes, Sungjin, right.”

“No worries, I still had a great childhood, I found Wonpil and met lovely people along the way. This is all far in the past, and don’t you think this is some kind of second chance? Who knows how things would have turned out? So many ifs. And yet here we are. So, stop crying. Would you?”

“This world doesn’t deserve you Park Sungjin, you know that?”

“Of course I know” he now joked and hit Younghyun with his elbow. “I still don’t get why you thought I would run away. If I would have wanted to run away, I wouldn’t have given you this job in the first place.”

“Still surprised you did though.”

“Me too, but I seemed to have made the right decision.” He smiled shyly, now focusing on his hands; and somehow a warm feeling was spreading all over Younghyun’s body.

“Life’s strange huh?”

“Oh yes…”

“And now?” Sungjin asked, as if nothing had happened.

“Is there still food left? Not that I’ve got enough to digest already. It’s just too good to not eat it. How come you’re that good at cooking?”

Younghyun was impressed how quickly he had changed the topic, as if what he had just revealed hadn’t changed anything. And maybe it really hadn’t changed anything. In fact, everything made sense now, and knowing they were supposed to find each other again, wouldn’t that bring them even closer?

“I wouldn’t say good but decent. My mom forced me to help her with cooking when I was very young and when she died, I kind of missed it. My dad then had to cook and he was still… a learner let’s say and I always helped, so it became a habit. And honestly, when you love to eat it’s the best to cook it yourself and whenever you are craving something BAM, you know how to make it yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I love eating out but still.”

“I remember now, we were always baking cookies for Christmas as well, didn’t we?”

“Oh yes, the kitchen was a mess. And guess what I had planned.” Younghyun now grinned brightly and handed the elder the meat. This hadn’t been the reaction he had expected; at all. It really felt like nothing had changed. Yes, there was still this odd feeling which he couldn’t quite describe but neither of them seemed uncomfortable or wanting to escape. Yes, it indeed felt like it was bringing them closer than ever.

The next hour they just sat there, ate, listened to music, talked – but not about the past but rather about what is, what will be. If Sungjin was to be a Marvel character he would want to be Spiderman, his favourite Harry Potter movie was the half-blood prince and he would love to go to Great Britain and explore the Highlands. But before that he would love to travel through his own country, visit his hometown after almost decades, go to Jeju and enjoy local food all over the country. He wished he could dance but everyone just laughed at him whenever he had tried when he was younger. Younghyun very well saw that the elder was full of dreams, hopes, wishes, but for Younghyun there were too many if’s the elder was using. What if Younghyun simply didn’t help him? Let his shop go down and maybe Sungjin would decide to do something else and take better care of himself, instead of dedicating his whole life to charity; but thinking about it he could never to that to the elder, never. That glow in his eyes whenever he was talking about his work, Younghyun would never want that to vanish. If the shop died, he believed a part of the elder would die with it.

“Let’s dance.”

“What?”

Before his counterpart could even blink Younghyun pulled him up to drag him to the middle of the room.

“Younghyun-“

“Steel shoes, you forgot?” after turning on a song he now grinned and took both of his hands. Younghyun didn’t know why he did this, he just knew he wanted to at this very moment. Step by step he taught him some basic steps, slow music playing in the background. He would lie if he said the elder looked confident in what he was doing – because he was not. At least not yet. But he dared to try, and it was adorable somehow. Looking from the outside, this scene might have come straight out of one of these cliché romcoms.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry, what was that with steel shoes again?”

“Told you. Okay, if you would just- you’re too stiff.”

“Ah, Is that so? Thank you. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“No…like. Wait.” He decided to now increase the distance between the two of them while still holding on to his hands.

“See there? And now just go with the flow. It`s not supposed to look good, just to be fun for now.”

“It better does look good” the elder now grinned shyly and to his surprise moved a little closer again. Suddenly the elder stopped and stared out of the window straight. Younghyun, not seeing what was happening behind him, only saw Sungjin escaping his grip and running towards the window.

“I knew I saw something before. Ya!” He hastily opened the terrace door and ran out – running as fast Younghyun couldn’t see which direction he headed towards.

“Sungjin, what the hell? Where are you going??” He now screamed into the dark - but nothing, not even a slight shadow moving. He was running, too – but he was lost, didn’t know where to go until he saw two different pairs of footsteps leading into the woods – the freaking woods. It was freezing cold, snowing, dark – even when walking slowly it was impossible to properly see where he was going.

“Sungjin!” He screamed into the dark, but he only heard the echoes getting lost in the far distance of the woods. What the hell drove him to just run out like crazy? What did he see? _Whom_ did he see? He should have stopped him; if something was to happen to him it would be his fault. It was almost impossible to find the way back without knowing the woods over here, he just knew too well. Upon switching on the flashlight on his phone he was at least able to properly see the footsteps in the snow.

Again and again cracking woods made him flinch in fear, the wind that was quietly whistling through the trees gave him goose bumps. 

He was scared.

Scared of the dark, scared of the cold – scared of what he would find.

Or what he would not find.

“Sungjin, seriously, this ain’t funny, you hear me? SUNGJIN!” the last resulting into a desperate yell. Where could he be? He was still following two traces of footsteps, meaning Sungjin must have still been after this person up to this point.

Or this person after him.

God, where the hell was he? He went on for another minute and another minute, until it became ten minutes. Too many minutes in which anything could have happened. Anything.

The further he walked, the further he noticed that he was continuing to walk towards the lake, maybe a few hundred meters were left until he would get there. He still loved the lake – he always went here during summer - but to him the lake also meant death. Too many people had died here, just too many and that’s what made it even worse.

It could be a coincidence, but by each step he was taking a bad feeling was taking grip of him, filled his body on to the last fingertip. His breath stopped for a second when he now only saw one trace of footsteps continuing, the other disappearing. Out of nowhere. Maybe the snow had covered it but that didn’t make any sense. Looking to his right however, someone must have turned right with a big jump to distract the other, as if –

“SUNGJIN! PLEASE! WHERE ARE YOU? FOR GOD’S SAKE”

Nothing.

_Where did you go?_

Right? Left? He would need to trust his intuition and walked straight, straight towards the lake. By now his heart rate had probably doubled, every single muscle was tense. It was cold, but sweat was running down his face, and still he was shaking.

In another moment of silence he suddenly heard a weird, muffled noise in the distance.

“Sungjin!”

Filled with adrenaline he ran with wide steps without really seeing where he was stepping; he only wanted to find the elder and there was nothing else that mattered. The clouds had now opened up a little and the moon was lighting up the woods in a dim light. Not much but at least he was able to see something. Through the last shadows which seemed to creep on him like monsters ready to devour any hope, he was now stepping out to face the lake in about 20 metres down to him. Cautiously he stepped towards the edge where the trace was ending and almost got a heart attack when he identified a body in the distance close to the banks.

“Sungjin” he whispered into the cold and hastily ran down while almost stumbling, tears starting to form in his eyes. But before he had even reached him, the elder suddenly started moving and lifted his upper body. “Damn it.”

“Sungjin! Thanks god.” Younghyun now hastily kneeled down and held the elder tight, placing his chin on the elder’s head.

“Sorry, I couldn’t get him.”

“Sorry?? Sungjin, anything could have happened, I was WORRIED to death, for god’s sake.”

“I’m fine, really. It’s just, he surprised me and pushed me from behind so I landed down here.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No, only some bruises.” Rolling up his sleeves Younghyun saw some bruises covering his arm but as he said, it didn’t look too bad.

“Here, take my jacket, your sweatshirt is completely soaked and for god’s sake you’re only wearing slippers?? Sungjin!”

“What, I’m fine! Really…”

“You are…Come on, just put on this jacket. NOW.”

“Okay, calm down.”

Younghyun now breathed in heavily to not let out any comment he would regret later on.

“Would you kindly mind getting onto my back, SIR.”

“I can wa-“

He now only gave the elder a deathly stare and just hoped he would listen to him for once. _God, he was stubborn_. Luckily, he seemed to have understood, got onto his back and clung onto him.

“Well, if you already gave me your jacket, I will be your personal back-warmer” the elder now mumbled into his shoulder and he couldn’t help but let a grin wander all over his face. It was weird, but as manly as he was, there was a surprisingly cute side to him.

“I really appreciate that, but could you maybe tell me what happened? Seriously, I was worried to death Sungjin, seriously.”

“When we were dancing, I thought I saw someone but thought it was just my imagination but the second time I was a hundred percent sure, so I just ran after him and followed him here. Then he was gone and suddenly behind me, so he pushed me down that hill and well, then you came.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, you didn’t even know whom he was or his intentions. He could have killed you, did you not think about that??”

“No, Younghyun. I was mad. Seriously mad. You know I’m off for once and honestly, it feels great and with everything happening…who knows what he wanted. I am sure this wasn’t coincidence. And that’s why I wanted to know on the spot, but I failed.”

“That’s so creepy, seriously. Like – he was watching us this whole time, that’s kinda disgusting. Shouldn’t we call the police??”

“And what do you want to tell them? Younghyun, seriously. I don’t want to go to court against them.”

“They’ve got millions, probably even billion on their bank account for a lawyer and I…well.”

“Did you notice anything on him?”

“No, he was hiding his face completely and then, yeah. He was taller than me, that’s all I can tell.”

“Thin, well-build, age? Voice?”

“Don’t know, could have been thin or a little muscular, he probably wore several layers.”

“Unlike you. What were you thinking, Sungjin, seriously. I honestly thought you would die out there.”

“You’re overexaggerating- You’re not overexaggerating.” He now mumbled and snuggled deeper into his shoulder.

“You know what that lake is right?”

“Yes, I know.”

“I’m surprised you’re not scared of it, seriously.”

“Why, it’s just a lake Younghyun. All that happened is so far in the past for me that don’t mind anymore. This is what life had prepared for me and it was hard, so hard, but right now, where I am right now, I’m happy. Isn’t this kind of a reward from the past? You should hate me too because your mom died because of me. So why don’t you hate me?”

“Because-“ He hadn’t expected these words from the elder, and they hit. During the last two days he never even considered hating the elder, because it was just not his fault. In the end, Sungjin was right, wasn’t he? Them, being here, meeting like that again, must have happened for a reason. His mom hadn’t died for nothing, never.

“Because it’s not your fault that she died. It was an act of love and selflessness, not really towards her family, but knowing she died because of that, it helps; I see meaning and start to understand. When I look at you, I only see you in the here and now, you smiling at me, and as for my mom, she might be smiling from up there, from far far away. I just think this, all of this, was meant to happen and I don’t see a reason to blame anyone for decisions that were made by those who are not among us anymore. They wouldn’t want it either.”

If he was not mistaken, he heard a soft sobbing from behind and a heart beating against his back out of its normal rate. He was crying.

“Sungjin, what is it?”

“I still feel so sorry, Younghyun, so sorry. Your words, I don’t know, they just hit me – in a positive way and I just want to cry right now so please don’t judge me and let me be okay? This is all still a lot to digest and you’ve been knowing it much longer than me. That’s not fair.”

“Woho, no, I’m gonna record it and distribute it on any possible channel. Breaking News, Park Sungjin is crying because he is sad. Help him!”

“Asshole.” Younghyun felt a grin spreading on the elders’ face. “You know you can be quite annoying?”

“I know. Well, let’s get you back first and warm you up, okay?”

“Okay…”

**

“Here we are.”

“Oh, you even remembered to lock the door.”

“Of course, do you think I’m crazy??”

“Well…”

“YA. Look who’s talking huh?”

“You can put me down now.” Sungjin now said, ready to be out down, whereas Younghyun only lifted him further and carried him up the stairs towards the bathroom.

“I’m not completely handicapped, I could have at least walked up the stairs.”

“I don’t care.”

“I know. Thank you…”

The younger handed him a towel and some of his clothes since he himself had not brought any changing clothes.

“How about Sauna?” Sungjin didn’t really know what to answer.

“Wait, what?”

“Well, do you like Sauna? You know we have it downstairs and honestly that would be great after wandering through the woods for around 45 minutes.”

“Uhm…yeah, sure, but could we maybe do that tomorrow? I’m just very tired.”

“Yeah, yeah sure, no worries, was just an offer. Hot chocolate and then sleep? I will double-lock every door and window and close all curtains. Maybe even check for cameras, just in case.”

“That sounds great.” Sungjin smiled almost too obviously in relief when the younger finally closed the door.

What did just happen. Not just now, but during the last few hours? He still hadn’t digested it all. On the one hand he had been so excited, happy, just glad to have understood why they have been getting along so well in the first place, to have found his long forgotten best friend again.

But the fact that he had caused Younghyun’s mother’s death all along and him not even being mad at him – that hurt. And he would need some time to digest it. Even though Younghyun reassured him it was not his fault, Sungjin didn’t see the day when he wasn’t blaming himself anymore. And it couldn’t be that deep down Younghyun wasn’t blaming him – his heart couldn’t be that good, or could it? Whatever it was, it made him fall for him even more. Especially now, where he shouldn’t.

He was in love. And he shouldn’t be in love. In love with a long forgotten best friend whose moms’ death he was responsible for. No, he definitely shouldn’t be in love.

The hot water felt amazingly relieving, and his feet were showing some signs of life again. And for the next 30 minutes he didn’t even dare to leave the shower. On the one hand because it felt great, on the other hand to avoid Sauna talks. Should he have said no? That would have probably seemed overly suspicious, and – shouldn’t the Sauna be in his interest as well?

“Sungjin, you okay?”

“Just a second!” Sungjin now put on the sweater the younger had given him. _It still smelled like him._

And somehow it was weird wasn’t it? Younghyun _knew_. That he was also – god, he couldn’t even formulate his own thoughts. Whatever, it was weird.

“I’m here” Sungjin heard the younger shouting from afar upon going down and followed his voice down to the living room.

“Here” he now handed him a large cup of hot chocolate and waited for him to sit down. “Are your bruises okay?”

“Yeah, just minor stuff, just needs air, no worries. This Hot Choc feels great, even cream” Sungjin grinned and leaned into the mountain of pillows behind him.

“This was…a weird day Younghyun, really. But also a happy day.” Only now he noticed that the younger was crying. “Hey, what happened? Younghyun, hey”, he slowly turned to carefully lift Younghyun’s chin until their eyes met.

“Nothing, no worries. I…please accept the answer that I’m simply overwhelmed okay?”

“Okay. But only if you stop, otherwise I want a proper explanation.”

“Okay.”

“What do you think that person wanted?”

“Spy on us? But…it’s weird, how could someone know where we are? Who knows: technically my family, Dowoon, Wonpil& Becca, right?”

“Well, they could have followed us.”

“We would have noticed, for sure.”

“But name me any reason any of those people would spy on us and be so reckless to push me down that hill.”

“Also true.”

“Or just some pervert?”

“Ew, nasty!”

“What? Anything could be possible. Did he have something with him?”

“Yeah a bag hanging on his shoulder.”

“What?? Why didn’t you say that earlier??”

“Because I had bigger problems and didn’t really think about it any further. You think-“

“He probably took photos. Whatever the reason. Sorry Sungjin. About this.”

“What should you be sorry for? Could you stop blaming yourself please? Jeez.”

“We could have also celebrated somewhere else.”

“Well, that would not have been the same, right? No worries, whatever happens, this day was more good than bad.”

“Right?”

Without even intending to Sungjin let out a deep yawn; and regretted it the next second.

“Shall we go to sleep? You must be tired, you had a long day right?”

_No, I’m okay_ Sungjin wanted to say because he just enjoyed this so much, but he was tired. Very tired.

“Honestly, yes. I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t be, it’s almost one o’clock. You can sleep in my old bedroom; I can sleep at my parents’.”

“Sure.”

_No, stay with me_ , he wanted to scream, but he couldn’t.

Younghyun’s room looked exactly as the one at his home, at least almost; it was missing liveliness. Still many things reminded of Younghyun, even the smell.

“Do you need anything else? You know where the bathroom is right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me. Good night Younghyun and…Merry Christmas” he now smiled softly which he returned. “Merry Christmas, Sungjin. And sweet dreams.”

And he was gone, just like that. Not to exaggerate, but he now felt…empty. Alone. Just not well. If he would ask him to come back, it would seem desperate, ridiculous, wouldn’t it? But it was dark, and with everything that had happened today – he just didn’t feel too well being alone, so he switched on a little light just before he pulled of his pants and sweatshirt and snuggled deeper into his blanket. Younghyun’s blanket. But he wouldn’t fall asleep. Minutes and minutes passed by until he finally fell asleep just to be woken up by a nightmare an hour later.

“Sungjin, Sungjin hey! Calm down, would you, Sungjin!” When he opened his eyes, he saw no one else than Younghyun staring at him with wide eyes. “You just had a bad dream. Your screams woke me up.”

“Sorry, I…yeah, it must have been a bad dream.”

“If you want to I can stay here?”

What he was about to answer would be a bad idea, and he knew he shouldn’t do it but- “Yeah, that would be nice.”

It felt strange when the younger suddenly got under the blanket as well, only centimetres away from him; his face almost as close that he could clearly feel his breath tickling his skin.

He was beautiful. More than beautiful, and he wasn’t even fighting against his thoughts, his feelings. Even when Younghyun’s eyes met his, he wouldn’t stop staring.

“You’re staring.”

“I know. You’re staring too.”

“I know. I’m just…happy.” The younger gave a tired but bright smile and closed his eyes again, causing a warm feeling to spread all among his chest. “Good night Younghyun.”

“Good night” And he fell asleep, without one more single bad dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there...slowly😌


	10. Of Presents And Steam

The next morning Sungjin woke up to the smell of freshly fried bacon, eggs and sweet pancakes. Within a second he got up and decided to go down, only to find the younger putting another egg into the pan, himself wearing a plain white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, and dancing to the music he had put on.

“Good morning” he now grinned, almost a little amused by the sight in front of him.

“Oh jeez, you scared me. Good morning” he greeted him with the brightest smile and it hit. Again, and again, and again.

“Breakfast is almost done, tea is already on the table. Here, take the pancakes.”

“This is a whole buffet!”

“Well, a little buffet I would say, come on, it’s Christmas.”

“Okay, true.”

“Aren’t you cold?” he heard the younger asking from behind, and looking down on himself he realized why – he was only wearing his boxer shorts just as he did at home. _No panic, Sungjin, no panic._

“Oh sorry, I totally forgot, this is what I usually do at home, I hope you don’t mind?”

“Not at all, I was just wondering. Feel like home, my friend. Sit down already. Slept well?”

“Yeah, I did. Didn’t even notice you getting up at all, thanks for all of this.”

“No worries, I couldn’t sleep anymore. Here.” Younghyun put a fried egg onto his plate and joined the table. This was just beautiful: The breakfast table set up, Younghyun, the smell of good food, the fire crackling in the corner and seeing the snow falling slowly outside. His shop might have been closed but honestly, he didn’t even feel that bad about it anymore. Wonpil had been right: he had needed this time off, seriously. His only worry at this stage was that this would not be permanent; he was pretty sure of it.

“Did you get some rest? From yesterday?”

“Yes, like I said, I slept well.” _Because you were sleeping next to me._ “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Mh? Oh sorry, I was in thoughts. Well for today we are...going to bake some cookies because this is what grown-up 25-year-old males do, ice skating, sauna, and lunch and dinner, or we could also just chill on the couch.”

“That’s quite the plan?”

“Sure, that’s why I gave the option of just chilling on the couch.” The younger now grinned, stuffing his mouth with another piece of pancake.”

“Honestly, I would prefer to stay indoors because of yes…you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, you might be right.”

“Great! Shall we clean up the table and then…Well, we’ll see.”

The younger just nodded in agreement and they started cleaning everything up; Sungjin then went to get his presents; his own as well as the bag Wonpil had given to him.

“Oh, present time?? Wait!” The younger jumped up in excitement and ran up the stairs.

“Okay, so one present is at your flat, at home.” The younger started to explain.

“What, why, HOW??”

“I have my methods.” A big grin plastered his face. “It’s your guitar, there is new strings on it.”

“How??”

“Wonpil.”

“Seriously??

“Yes. YOU’RE WELCOME ANYWAYS.”

“No, that’s not…thank you. It was long overdue to be honest…No offense, what is that supposed to be??” Only now Sungjin recognized the enormous size of the other present which was still wrapped beautifully.

“What, I put all my efforts into wrapping it okay?”

“No not the wrapping it’s beau- Why are you good at almost everything you do huh??”

“I’m not good at golfing? Does that count?”

“It has to, doesn’t it?” He now grinned in sarcasm.

“Okay, now this one? Please?” Jumping in excitement, the younger pulled the other, almost squared, present closer. “Unwrap it!”

Under the attentive eyes of the younger, Sungjin started to unwrap until at some point he realized it was a suitcase.

“A suitcase? Younghyun, thank you but I rarely travel or…never ever travel.”

“And that’s gonna change. You told me you haven’t been to Busan for 17 years and ever since never been outside Seoul so I’m taking you on a trip across the country to try all the food you like. You don’t have to take me, you can take Wonpil, Dowoon, whomever you like, you can go alone, I don’t care. Just do me a favour and get out of here for once and see the world. No worries, nothing is fixed so whenever you want to: tell me and go…you don’t like it? You’re so quiet. You don’t have to accept, I just thought that would make you hap-“

This man would be his death. There was no _perfect_. But looking at Younghyun whom he was now facing and sitting next to, his gaze full of expectations and sincerity, compassion, excitement and worry that he wouldn’t like this present which could have not been more thoughtful and great, wasn’t this kind of perfect?

“It’s…it’s perfect Younghyun I…I know I could complain this is too much, but I won’t, just thank you.”

The younger now sighed in relief and leaned into the mountain of pillows behind him. Thinking about his own present Sungjin felt kind of bad, but what could he do? Was him having way less resources a valid excuse? He had still put all his heart into it somehow.

“Younghyun, please don’t judge me, my presents are a little more simple.” But before he could say anything further Younghyun picked up a huge, shiny ribbon left from his wrapping and put it onto Sungjin’s head.

“Ya, what is that supposed to mean?” He was confused.

“I think you already gave me the best present I could ever wish for.”

“And that is…?”

“You Sungjin, you and me sitting here, despite of everything. This was all I wished for this Christmas.” Younghyun now looked at him with a warm smile.

He could have easily cried. This was indeed cringeworthy, but sweet, just so sweet. As sweet that he thought his heart might pop out of his chest any second.

“Now I do feel even worse about my present.”

“Sorry, that was cringe, I just had to do it. Just give it to me, don’t worry, you know me, hm?”

“Here.”

Younghyun took the small box and untied the ribbon attached to it, to then find two keys and a decent bracelet next to it. Upon noticing the confused look on the youngers’ face, Sungjin took the bracelet and started putting it around the younger’s right wrist. When their hands touched for longer than only a moment, Sungjin could physically feel his heart rate doubling, especially when he dared to look up and caught the younger staring at him.

“HOWEVER, this is a wish bracelet, just like the one I always wear. I give it to everyone who means a lot to me, Wonpil and Dowoon both have one too. Don’t laugh please, I believe in it, seriously. You know, mine broke just…before I met you again if that’s proof enough to you. So I hope it brings you luck too at some point.”

“You know I always get expensive presents, which I am grateful for too of course, but never did I receive something as thoughtful as this, neither did I receive a present from a friend in the first place.”

“Never?” Sungjin was more than surprised.

“No, Sungjin. You know I never had many friends, especially good friends. Being rich isn’t everything, and it will never be. And the keys?”

“What? Ah, sure. Well, you can take a guess.” He now grinned and observed the youngers’ expression changing from confusion to slow realization to shock.

“Don’t tell me-“

“Yes, Younghyun, it’s for the shop and this one…is for my flat. Don’t think you’re that special, Wonpil has one too.”

“So Wonpil is not special to you?”

“…got me.” Still annoying, wasn’t he?

“Sungjin, I think I can’t accept this.”

“Then I want to return mine too?”

“Seriously this is… a big step like…a very big step.”

“Yes Younghyun. This is what it’s like being my… friend.”

“You know, it feels great being your friend, it just feels…great. Thanks for that Sungjin, I will treasure them with all my heart. ANYWAY, Jesus, this was cringeworthy, wasn’t it?” He now laughed to ease the situation a little.

“Oh, that is not all.” Sungjin had almost forgotten to unwrap Wonpil’s gift and surprisingly found a letter addressed towards Younghyun and a box for both of them each.

“Younghyun, this seems to be for…you?”

“For me?”

“Yeah, from Wonpil apparently. Don’t ask, I’m just as confused.” Younghyun opened the box and indeed found a perfume in it. Sungjin however very well noticed that it was not just any perfume, but his favourite perfume. _Why._

“What’s in yours?”

Upon opening his present which was bigger in size he wished he could have disappeared right at this second and never come back. There was perfume, which was great but then there was-

“Why does he give you massage oil? Oh, that’s one of my favourite perfumes, he has a great taste, Wonpil.” Younghyun grinned and opened the letter, upon which his grin disappeared slowly, and he closed the letter harshly. _Very suspicious._

“Well, I would be in for Sauna, how about you?”

The long-feared Sauna. Sungjin had hoped that the other might have forgotten about it in the first place but here they were back at it again. Sungjin couldn’t really say anything to get out of this situation, he had already admitted he loved Sauna. He could pretend to have on fallen his head yesterday and was therefore still feeling dizzy…but no. Flight was not an option anymore.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. Just thought you might like it.”

 _Yes, please._ “No, I do, I will just quickly change.”

“You know where the towels are right?”

He wasn’t ready. And he would never ever be ready. With his blood pressure at its peak Sungjin went up to change into technically …nothing. It would be fine to leave a T-shirt on, or would that seem odd? Technically there were windows everywhere so he would at least wear it for now. Wonpil would be dead the next time he saw him for sure. He loved massages but as if he would ever ask Younghyun to massage him, well, that would be suicide wouldn’t it? Why else should Wonpil have given him massage oil. _This was embarrassing to death._

When he finally managed to get down and follow the stairs down to the Sauna, he would have preferred to turn around right on the spot when he saw Younghyun, covered with a towel only, entering the Sauna, innocently and without any thoughts. But he probably knew, didn’t he? He must have known. He had outed himself unwillingly and unintentionally right in front of him and if he was not entirely stupid, which he was surely not, he would already know he liked him, right? Taking a deep breath, Sungjin dared to enter, the steam creating a great contrast to the cold.

“This house is awesome” he now opened the conversation to avoid any unpleasant silence, and maybe, just maybe, to avoid staring at the younger

“Nice right?” Younghyun answered with his eyes closed. He had found himself a cosy place in the corner at the upper bench, leaning onto the wall comfortably. Sungjin didn’t mean to stare in any way but looking at each of his body features Sungjin could definitely say he was beautiful. Not the defined body, muscular type of beautiful, no. Just…his beautiful. His type? Did he have one? This was weird. This _felt_ weird.

“Stop staring and sit down already, I won’t bite.” He grinned with eyes closed and luckily, he couldn’t see his face turning red on instant.

“Sorry I just…nevermind. I just feel bad looking at myself you know?”

“Sungjin?”

“Yeah?”

“You look great, just the way you are. Really. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not, okay?”

“You know you’re just like Wonpil. I don’t believe any of you.”

“You think I’m lying?”

“Well…no. But-“

“No but.”

“Okay…” Sungjin hesitated for a moment before he sat down on the lower bench close to Younghyun.

“You kinda seem tense Sungjin, just lean back and relax.”

 _How_ , he wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. How could he be so relaxed if he knew that he was literally into him, like LITERALLY.

Being in thoughts, he noticed only too late that the younger had moved closer and suddenly felt a shiver running down his spine when he felt two cold hands massaging his shoulders.

Still he couldn’t ignore the sensation the touch Younghyun’s hands on his bare skin had caused all throughout; no, he was aware of it, and wouldn’t want to ignore it, rather have more and more and more of it.

“This feels awesome. Just…awesome. A bit to the right please.”

“Sure, sir.”

“I love massages.”

“I know” He heard him grinning hesitantly to his back and sadly stopping a few minutes later. For the rest of the time being they didn’t talk and for once Sungjin enjoyed the silence. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in a while and he didn’t want this day to pass or rather THIS to pass. It might have been exaggerated to give him the keys but Sungjin wanted to sent a signal, give a sign. Wasn’t he being obvious? Very obvious? It was driving him crazy to be that close to him without anything happening, but neither would he want to change that.

“How long have we been in here?”

“Too long already, I was just too lazy to get up.”

“I will leave first then and catch a quick shower?”

“Sure, you know where everything is?”

“Sure.”

When Sungjin was finally getting up he would feel the gaze of the younger resting on him until he closed the door. Somehow every step felt heavy and he didn’t know why, something was wrong. Something _felt_ wrong. And it didn’t even go away when he left the shower and went back to Younghyun’s room, covered with only a towel, to change into cosy clothes. Then he suddenly heard someone knocking on the door. _Why would he knock?_

“I left the door open! Why did you knock, it’s your room.” Sungjin grinned when Younghyun opened the door, whose skin was still a little sweaty from the sauna.

“Manners. I forgot something here.” Slowly and carefully but with determination, he was now taking a few steps closer – until he stopped right in front of him. He was gorgeous, purely gorgeous – wasn’t he?

“Sungjin?”

“Yes?”

He breathed in deeply.

“Tell Wonpil whatever it was, it worked.”

“Wh-“

Sungjin’s heart stopped for a second when he felt the younger’s soft hands on his cheeks and leaning in for a kiss – not soft, but rather longing, sweet but still considerate. A kiss that was just feeling 100% Younghyun even with eyes closed, his soft lips still carrying the sweet taste of pancakes.

His heart rate increased by the double when he was being pushed against the wall, no way to escape the burning touch of Younghyun’s bare chest on his when the younger leaned into him. For a millisecond the other stopped and their eyes met for a second, which rather felt as if the younger was seeking agreement from the elder on whether to continue, only for now Sungjin to lean back into the kiss. While his hands were naturally lowering to the youngers lower back to pull him even closer, the younger deepened the kiss by gripping his hair.

It just felt so good. Sungjin felt good, he was happy, as happy he hasn’t been in a long time. All he had felt during the past weeks, all the feelings he had carried for and towards the younger, all the feelings he had been hiding, were finally taking the spotlight and being received by that one person they were meant for all this time. A smile escaped Sungjin and there was nothing sweeter than when he felt Younghyun smiling into the kiss in return.

Younghyun suddenly stopped, when the doorbell rang – at noon?

“I uhm, I need to put something on and just check, wait.” He now smiled awkwardly, only for Sungjin to do the same.

  
“Sure, I will change too and come down okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Did that just happen? For real? It wasn’t a dream this time? He was grinning like an idiot and he didn’t even mind. His stomach was one great, yet positive mess, his heartbeat rate at its peak, his mind paralyzed – as if he was in a free fall and he didn’t know when it would stop. He wouldn’t move for another minute until he decided he needed to change and go down.

“Who was it?”

“Here, for you.”

“What? A present? From whom??”

“It was dad, I saw his car disappearing in the distance.”

“Why would he give-“

“He is sorry. I think he is not ready to talk to you yet. Come, open it! I wanna see what’s in it.”

“It’s kinda heavy for it’s size.”

The gaze of the younger resting on his hands, he unwrapped the third present of the day and couldn’t believe his eyes when he found a polaroid camera inside.

“That’s-“ Before he continued talking he found an envelope. Upon opening it he found a photo of him and Younghyun when they were kids and a note.

_I am sorry Sungjin, very sorry. I might not be ready to talk to you yet, but I just wanted to let you know. You might wonder why a camera. I want you to make and capture new memories – whether it’s with Younghyun, or anyone else. I was happy to see you were doing well, just so happy._

_Merry Christmas, Park Sungjin, Merry Christmas_

“You definitely come after your dad, you know that?” Sungjin was now wiping tears that were falling – _this damn family_. Seriously. He didn’t really know what to feel about this. The fact that his dad was feeling guilty even though he had rightfully abandoned him back then, made him feel even worse.

“I know I do.” He now grinned. “But I’m still mad at him.”

“Why? Because he didn’t tell you?”

“Yes, that also. But also because of something else, don’t worry.”

“What is it?”

Younghyun’s expression now changed into a sad one and maybe this was not the right time to talk about this.

“I don’t wanna talk about it to be honest.”

“It’s okay, still this was very…very nice of him.”

“Wasn’t it? I’m…gonna take a shower first and then…let’s see?”

“Yeah, sure.” And he was gone. Okay, he hoped it would get less awkward after he would get back from his shower. In the time being he unpacked the camera and started loading the battery so that he could use it as soon as possible and was interrupted by Younghyun’s phone that was now ringing next to him on the sofa. More or less without any intent, he saw three messages popping up – one was definitely his mom and the other two were both _Merry Christmas heart emoji_ messages, one from Hunter – what the hell was that name?? – And Sohee?

“Who are you…” he mumbled to himself and almost flew off the sofa when Younghyun suddenly stood right behind him.

“What did you say??”

“Nothing, nothing at all. Your phone rang.”

“You didn’t check it, didn’t you?” Younghyun grinned, once again wearing his yellow favourite hoodie.

“I was just irritated, it was just lying there, and suddenly it was ringing so I instinctively had a look at it and-“

“Sungjin, it’s okay. Breathe, okay?”

“Who…are they?”

Younghyun sat down next to him on the sofa. “Let me check first huh? What the hell, why would he…”

“Sorry, I-“

“No worries, they are just classmates, they kind of cling onto me because we’re sons and daughters of the _big three_ in real estate.”

“Kind of the Flower Four kind of vibe? Mocking people and stuff at school? That’s badass.”

“Ya! Do I, even only a little, look like I would be that kind of guy? We are all not like that.”

“I know, was just joking. Anyway, can’t you find anyone nicer to hang out with?”

“Well, they are alright. I had a college friend, Terry. We weren’t best friends, still good friends though. But ever since he moved to the States the contact kind of…almost vanished. But I can’t be bothered now, I will be finished soon and then Adios University.”

“Sucks.”

“It’s alright.” He now flinched his shoulders and put his phone back to the table.

“Why were you asking in the first place? Jealous?” He now grinned and once again, Sungjin felt blood rushing to his head.

“No, just curious, we never really talked about university and stuff.”

“I know you’re lying but I will buy this one” he smirked and looked into his eyes straight.

_This man, seriously._

“Younghyun, say about what happened…”

“Yes, I’m sorry if I did anything-“

“Are the curtains closed everywhere?”

“Yes, they should be still, w-“

But before Younghyun could even say anything further, Sungjin closed the gap between them once again. The younger didn’t even hesitate and this time it felt even sweeter than before, it felt _right_. He felt the other grabbing his waist which initiated Sungjin to swing his right leg over so that he was now sitting on Younghyun’s lap, and now deepened the kiss even further.

 _He was sitting on his lap_. _Park Sungjin, what the hell were you doing here._

It was only them, the wind whistling outside, and the crackling sound of the fireplace, and neither of them seemed to want to stop. Maybe because they both wouldn’t know what would happen after. Would it be awkward? Would they talk about this? Would everything stay the same? He didn’t know. And Younghyun probably neither.

Suddenly Sungjin held in for a second and just stared at the younger who wasn’t even flinching for a second.

“I like you Kang Younghyun, I just like you so much you know that?”

**

“I like you too, Park Sungjin, I like you too.” Younghyun thought he might lose himself if he would stare into the elder’s eyes only a little longer, they were beautiful. Everything about this was beautiful. He didn’t know whether it was right what he was doing here, but it _felt_ right. When he had been rushing into that room just a while ago, even at that point, he hadn’t known whether he would do what he had planned – but he didn’t even regret one second that he did. He knew that the elder had been liking him all along and that it was him who had to make a decision.

Sungjin was…it felt like he had found his soulmate. They were so different and yet so similar and there was so much they could learn from each other, it was fascinating. Fate had done its job – a good one. It was surprising how much courage and initiative Sungjin was now showing where he seemed quite shy else when. It was showing as far that he suddenly felt Sungjin’s hand under his sweatshirt. A soft yet burning touch – longing, longing for more. Never in his life he would have expected him to be such a good kisser. Instinctively Younghyun pushed the elder over so that he was now lying on top of him, this time intensifying the kiss upon which his lips intuitively wandered down to his neck and throat; until a soft moan escaped the elder. Adrenaline was running through his veins and he knew if he now continued it wouldn’t end well, so he slowly wandered up to his lips again, kissed him softly one last time and slowly stopped. With a heavy breath he now lied down next to the elder, the only thing he was hearing being the fire crackling, the blood rushing through his ears and the just as heavy breath of the elder.

“That was…”

“Okay, it was okay. Well, maybe more than okay.” Sungjin now grinned under his breath, only for Younghyun to grin in return.

What had he done? At this stage he was full of Adrenaline, he loved it, he couldn’t get enough of the elder – and that scared him, even though it shouldn’t. It was a great thing, wasn’t it? Love was a great thing and he should be grateful for what he had found, right? He wasn’t in any way obliged to satisfy his dads expectations of a bright future, in any way.

“Hey, what is it? You’re completely lost in thoughts.” The elder now worried and leaned onto his shoulder.

“I didn’t deserve you Sungjin, you know that?”

“You deserve every single cell of mine and more Younghyun, don’t ever say or even think that again.”

“That’s what I meant.”

“We should stop being so melodramatic and cringe, don’t you think so?”

“Well, as a matter of fact we are but…I like it. If this whole story is already like it came straight out of a movie, we should have a right to be like that.”

“Pride and Prejudice Vol.2?”

“That was a good one.”

“Yeah right? Younghyun?”

“Mh?”

“I`m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“You know when I first met you, I really had painted that egoistic, cold, dry business KP estate guy in my mind. And that day when you were standing in front of my door, I was this close to just leave you behind and leave.”

“I know.” And how well he had known back then. That look on his face, and when he lied to him; Sungjin had not been able to hide his opinion of him well. “I could see in your eyes how much you distrusted and disliked me.”

“I know, and I am sorry.”

“But you stayed, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. I would have been stupid if I wouldn’t have.”

“I will take that as a compliment. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you hate me so much, I mean for what I was? You just disliked me because I was in business, wasn’t it?”

Younghyun now saw the elder shifting his gaze towards the ceiling, a sad smile crossing his lips.

“So, your dad didn’t tell you?”

“No, what do you mean?”

“My parents, why they killed themselves.”

Younghyun only gulped and wished he would have never asked. He didn’t mean to destroy the mood like this once again, at least not today. But he would listen, as always, he would just listen.

“No, he didn’t say that.”

“Younghyun, have you never wondered that we were at that same hyper expensive international school? And now you are what you are, and I am what I am? Why we didn’t see each other anymore?”

“I have…never to be honest. Before I thought you moved to the States with your parents to be honest.”

“My parents had to take me off that school. They lost everything Younghyun, their whole existence, they went bankrupt, lost their jobs, lost all their reputation because that shitty company was afraid they would tell he truth about dirty jobs and corruption so they fired them, but not in the nice way if you get me. They fell – high. They couldn’t stand it anymore, the shame, the hate, the pressure, society; and so they decided.”

That was worse than anything Younghyun had ever expected, and beyond any imagination. He really thought he hated rich people just because they were rich, thought they were something better. Never in his life he would have expected that to be the reason.

“Sungjin, I would say I’m sorry, but I think there are no words that would- I’m just sorry.”

“Sounds pretty bad huh? But no need to be sorry, Younghyun.”

“No, Sungjin, there is nothing that would justify what happened.”

“No but, you know, looking at you has taught me that those people are in the past and that not all are necessarily assholes. Just as you fall in love with a person not with a certain type of people, you should also rather hate that person for what he or she is and not the whole group. That’s just…unfair.”

“That was beautifully said.”

“Credits to Wonpil.” Sungjin now smiled sadly and turned his head on Younghyun’s shoulder that he was now facing the younger from the side.

“Thanks then I guess, for changing your attitude for me.”

“Well, I didn’t change it I guess, let’s say I am still in the phase of challenging it. And I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“You remember when I said, when we were at the station, I would rather kill myself then to depend on other people…I was mad at that time, that must have hurt you.” Younghyun still remembered that hurt expression in his face when he had directed these words towards him, and thinking about it, he should have been more careful with his words.

“It did, but…it’s okay. Apology accepted. You couldn’t have known.”

“Either way, what I said was not right. And you know, until yesterday I still thought my mom died because she wanted to help her friends who had just lost their flat, their everything. At least that’s what dad had told me when I was a kid. Maybe to not completely lie to me…I don’t know. Maybe that’s partly the reason for my extreme opionion towards those people at the station. Sorry Sungjin, let’s not talk about this anymore.”

Silence.

“Three weeks, Younghyun. We’ve been knowing each other for three weeks now.”

“Well technically, it’s more than 20 years.”

“You know what I mean.” Sungjin now rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, yeah, but technically.”

“Three weeks, and now look at me, look at _us_.”

“Weird, huh?”

Weird. Yes, it was weird. Looking back at what happened and how things went, it seemed so unrealistic. And yet here they were. Younghyun didn’t know about the future yet, about what would happen next, about what they would do next, about them. There was still so much they would have to endure together.

But at this moment it was not about what had been or what would be, but rather about what was now. And right now, he was enjoying the warmth of the elder whose head was still resting on his chest. And he thought it was beautiful how the elder smiled when Younghyun pulled him a little closer.

“Yes, weird.”

From familiar strangers, to friends, to lovers.

**\- END OF PART I -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess you've been waiting for this for too long already, so here we go! Until this stage this might be my favourite chapter but that might change...Okay, so this is the end of Part I. I was able to publish all these chapters quickly because all the chapters were already written and I only had to review them. As for the next chapters of Part II I still need to outline and write them, so they might take a little longer, apologies beforehand! (Also I still have a thesis to write and to work and and and)
> 
> But for now I think I let this chapter end on a good note so...thanks for reading until here everyone!!😌


	11. PART II - Happy New Year?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a great day is coming to an end I thought it would great to publish another chapter! It's slightly longer, but things are starting to get worse from now on... I've got two alternative endings planned, not so sure which one to choose yet but we'll see; it's still a far way to go anyways😌
> 
> Happy reading everyone!!
> 
> #HappyBirthdayDay6🎼😊

“I’m home!” Younghyun now shouted throughout the hallway just for his father to shout back.

“I’m here, in the living room.”

By now it was already 6pm; the day had passed quickly. Way too quickly. They hadn’t done much during the last hours, just lying there, watching some movies, eating; and that just made him feel at ease right now. At some point they had decided to go back, Sungjin still wanting to meet Wonpil, and Younghyun feeling bad having left his family on Christmas day for the first time. The only problem was that he didn’t know what to tell his dad; what they had done, how it had been. Well, it had been nice, just very very nice.

“Younghyun.” His dad now approached him within a second to hug him tight. “Merry Christmas, dad”

“Merry Christmas, son. I’m sorry Younghyun, I didn’t mean to…I love you, please never forget that.”

“I love you too Dad. But I’m still angry…a little.”

“I know and I understand but…”

“Let’s sit down first.” And so they did after his dad put a beer on the table for both of them.

“Where is mom?”

“Just taking a quick bath, no worries.”

“Okay.”

“So…how was it?”

Instantly, Younghyun started grinning nervously without intending to, but he just couldn’t help thinking back on what had happened. His dad shouldn’t know. Not yet.

“It was nice, talking about everything, talking things out, catching up on 18 lost years…that took a while.”

Silence.

“By the way, he received your present.”

“What- oh, yeah, that present. I couldn’t face him…yet. I hope I did not disturb you in any way.”

_Well, you did._

“He’s feeling guilty dad. He even apologized for being in that damn car. He thinks it’s his fault that mom died.”

“How can he- Well, I can see why he does so but-“

“He is that amazing. He is just that selfless and nice.”

“I should talk to him. Could I?”

“I think that would be a great idea…just give him some time okay?”

“Sure.”

His dad now lowered his gaze, Younghyun noticing how nervous he was about something he wasn’t sure of what it was. Somehow, Younghyun wanted to tell someone what happened but whom in this world did he trust enough that that person would understand and not judge him? Dowoon? Eventually. If not him, who else? His dad seemed sorry at this stage, but tables would turn again as soon as he would know, he was certain of it.

“You look happy Younghyun.”

“That’s because I am.”

“You can stay on the project. I…what I said back than was just unreasonable and stupid-“

“Thanks dad. I would have continued anyway, with or without your permission.” He now grinned slyly for his father to grin back at him.

“You are definitely my son. Oh, and what I said about grandchildren and stuff-“

“Dad, I don’t want to discuss this right now, please.”

“No listen, I just wanted to tell you, take your time. I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you.”

“I know, dad. But I just don’t want to talk about it.”

He knew very well his dad had not changed his mind, at all. He still expected the same future from him. No pressure on timing? His dad didn’t even consider the option of him not having children at all.

“Okay, I will stop, sorry. But is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Why?”

“You seem…nervous. I don’t know.”

“I’m fine.”

He needed to calm down, he really did. He should have probably told his dad the truth, but the timing had not come yet.

“By the way, Hunter was here?” His dad now raised his eyebrows.

“What?? What did he want?”

“I don’t know. He was just asking for you, I don’t know why.”

“You didn’t tell him where I was, did you?”

“No, of course not, he just seemed a little nervous? Almost desperate I would say.”

“What the hell- Dad, are you sure?”

“100%. Why?”

“Did he have a bag with him, wearing black clothes?”

“No? Did anything happen?“ His dad’s face was turning unnaturally pale on instant.

“Nothing dad, it’s alright. I will get another beer alright? Dad?”

“What?? Yeah, sorry, just lost in thoughts.”

“Okay?”

_Weird._

**

“Okay Sungjin, tell me.” Wonpil now sat down next to him on the sofa with another beer and just stared at him in pure curiosity.

“Okay, maybe you will know, maybe you won’t, but I should tell you from Younghyun that whatever it was, it worked.”

Within a second excitement lit up in Wonpil’s face.

“Oh my god, Sungjin, how- Sorry, I can’t believe it. Did you two-“

“No! Jesus no, maybe…almost.”

“So you…”

Thinking back, Sungjin was blushing instantly. Was he willing to share every little detail with his best friend? Maybe he should at least keep a little detail to himself.

“Well we…we kissed twice?”

“He kissed you or you kissed him??” Wonpil now sat straight in excitement.

“Well first he me and then I him, it was-“

“That’s a good sign, a very good one.”

“When have you become a love expert huh?”

“Hey!” Wonpil pouted but couldn’t keep a grin to himself. “Anyway, how did it happen?”

“Well, we went to the Sauna and he gave me a massage and after that the mood was kinda…awkward. Then I went up to my room to change and then he literally stormed in and…kissed me. Just like that.”

“Half-naked??”

“Wonpil!! You pervert, seriously, what’s up with you?”

“Maybe I’ve always been like that.” Jokingly Sungjin now increased the distance between them. “ANYWAY, I`m happy for you Sungjin, I’m just very very happy. At least you look happy.”

“And why the hell should I tell you that it worked?”

But instead of answering, Wonpil only leaned back with a wide grin. “Who knows.”

“Hey.” At this stage he was expecting anything from him.

“The letter. It was the letter.”

“What did you write?”

“That will be forever our secret.”

“Oh, the two of you are even having secrets already? No, jokes aside. I don’t know where to start, Wonpil, listen. There is this one big thing I didn’t tell you about yet. Do you remember I told you about that one childhood friend during our first years?”

“Yeah, I remember. You would always write him a letter on his birthday and more probably, but never got a response. Sungjin, but - don’t tell me that-“

“It’s him Wonpil, it’s him. Brian is Younghyun.” Sungjin now finished the last words under tears, for Wonpil to now take his hand. That had been a drastic mood change.

“This is great, isn’t it? Hey, what is it?” Wonpil now comforted the elder.

“His mom, Wonpil. She died and it’s my fault. She saved me from drowning and freezing to deatn. She died saving my life, Wonpil. And the worst thing is, him and his dad apologized because his dad didn’t help me but pushed me away back then. THEY feel guilty.”

“God Sungjin, what have you gotten yourself in huh?”

“I don’t know, Wonpil, I don’t know.”

“I said it once and I’m saying it again: your life is a drama and it won’t ever stop.”

He hadn’t even told him about that strange guy that had been creeping on them. _Maybe that was for another time._

“I know, but I feel horrible.”

“Sungjin, it’s not your fault. Yes, she died saving your life, but it was her decision.”

“You sound just like Younghyun.”

“Yes, because this is how it is. Younghyun seems to like you, and he even feels guilty. He does not make you responsible. I understand you Sungjin, but…I don’t know what to say anymore, this situation is just so surreal.”

“I know. You don’t need to tell me. What should I do now?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing??”

“Yes, Sungjin, nothing. See how things go. Both of you think fault is on their side.”

“I know, I know it´s in the past, and I was the one who told Younghyun that those decisions have been made by those in the past and that this was some kind of second chance but the more I thought about it, the worse it got.”

“You’re thinking too much. You can consider yourself lucky Younghyun doesn’t make you responsible, because I think that is what most people would do…”

“Right…you´re right. Maybe I should just be happy that, despite of what happened, things turned out this way…”

“Yeah, see? And also, we met Dowoon again. I think this is a beautiful coincidence.” Wonpil now grinned in joy.

“By the way, how is he doing? I haven’t seen him for a couple of days.”

“He´s fine, more than fine, I guess. He has a stable job, nice bosses, a cosy flat, owned by Younghyun´s dad to be honest… but I believe they would never kick him out if you are saying they are nice people?”

“They are, promised. But I´m glad to hear that. Seems like you´re getting along well?”

“Nothing has changed, I just love it.”

“I should catch up with him.”

“Yeah…you are going to be okay Sungjin?”

“Yeah, yeah sure I just need some time to digest I guess.”

“Okay, well then… tell me: he is a great kisser, isn´t he?” He now grinned mischievously just to get hit by a pillow in return.

“Ya!”

“What! That´s a legit question-“

“He is, he is damn it.”

“Nahh, see who´s grinning like an idiot, huh? I´m so proud of you, seriously. That must…have not been easy.”

“It wasn´t but somehow…I don´t feel uncomfortable…yet.”

The two of them were interrupted when Sungjin received a message on his phone, which he wouldn’t have checked if the younger wouldn’t have insisted on doing so. And to some extent he even hoped it was Younghyun, he just hoped. But before he could even check his phone Wonpil had already taken it.

“Ya! How dare you-“

“ _I miss you_ ” Wonpil now read out loud upon which his heart immediately started to beat faster.

“I miss you too” Wonpil now typed, Sungjin not even stopping him from doing so until-

“Did you seriously use that emoticon? I hate those. If you want to impersonate me do it properly” he now grinned and was actually shocked about Younghyun’s answer, and even more so Wonpil.

“ _Hey Wonpil, I hope Sungjin does feel the same_? What the hell??”

“He knows I hate those Emoticons, so he guessed it wasn’t me.”

“This is…fascinating. He´s amazing.”

“Isn´t he?”

“Okay, I´m not gonna lie. _This_ , Sungjin, what you have, is great. And cute. You´ve found something like this so don’t let it go…just don’t let it go.”

“I won´t, promised.”

So he was doing it for real? If someone would have told him that all of this was going to happen in the first place, he would have never believed it. But wait, were they dating? What were they? They had kissed, twice. But now?

“Wonpil, say…are we dating?”

“Are you? You should not ask me, but Younghyun. Do you want to?”

“Yes?”

“Does it feel as if you were dating?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ask him.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because he already took the first step.”

“But…this is going too fast, isn´t it?”

“…some people marry after three weeks. Kinda exaggerated but true, no worries. This ain’t too fast just…in your context I get it, I really do get it.”

“Right? Should I wait?”

“God Sungjin, I don’t know. From what I see you are still digesting everything that happened, but also, I see you are genuinely happy, sad, but a thousand times happier. I think I haven’t seen these many emotions from you in the past 18 years.”

“…I will talk to him.”

“Please. Like…please. And soon. And however you will decide, I will support you with all my heart.”

“Thanks, Wonpil.”

“By the way, about the shop, do you have any clue about what happened there?”

“No, not really. To be honest, I haven’t really thought about it again. As for me I would say it could have been a onetime thing, a random incident. I don’t think they will find the responsible person. Ever. It must have been a group, I mean look at the amount that was stolen all along the way.”

“That´s really weird.”

“I do have a hunch though.”

“Really?”

“Yes. That other estate company, the one that offered the money for the shop. Maybe it´s them?”

“Do you think they would use these low-budget methods?”

“Who knows I mean-“

“But then it could have also been KP Estate, right?”

“No, I trust him, with all my heart.”

“But, objectively seen, what if…”

“What Wonpil, what.”

Sungjin very well knew what he wanted to say, he very well knew. But it was words he didn’t want to hear and something he wouldn’t even want to waste one single thought on, not after everything.

“You said it yourself, you’ve only been knowing him for three weeks now.”

“Are…you serious right now?”

“Just a rational thought okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you insecure.”

“I am not. Still pretty sure about everything.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Sungjin…”

“Never mind, I get you but…I am just very happy to have him back and having these thoughts would be wrong. Another beer?”

“Sure.”

And for the rest of the evening they didn’t really talk anymore, neither about Younghyun, nor anything related to it. They barely exchanged any words at all.

**

“See you, Dad.”

“See you, love you.” 

“Love you too.”

Just before he was about to lie down on his bed, he suddenly saw a box placed on his bed with a tiny side note, obviously written by his dad, next to it. 

_One last Merry Christmas Younghyun, I thought you should read them._

When he opened the box nervously, he was confused to find letters; not only some, but many, at least around twenty, thirty of them. When he opened the first letter, he noticed it must have been written by a kid; this letter was dated back to 2001. Younghyun breathed in sharply when he realized these letters must have all been written by Sungjin himself, seven-year-old Sungjin who had just lost both of his parents, home, friends, everything.

_Hi Brian,_

_How are you? I am very sad, Brian. Mom and dad are gone, and I am alone at a weird place. I hope we can play soon, I miss you. Where are you?_

_Your friend Bob_

The second one was just dated a few weeks later.

_Hi Brian,_

_Happy Birthday Brian._

_Why are you not answering? Mom and dad are still gone. Why are you not playing with me? Do you hate me? I am scared, Younghyun, I am alone. I don’t know anyone…_

_Your friend Bob_

The latest letter was dated back to 2007 and was the very last letter that he had written; and it broke Younghyun’s heart into pieces when he read what was written in it.

_Hi Brian,_

_Happy Birthday, Brian, one last happy birthday._

_I know you hate me and must think that I am a loser, but I still miss you. There is a lot I want to tell you; do you know that? Don’t you miss me? Even a little bit? Probably not because you are not answering. You must think I am an idiot writing all these letters. Hey, I found a new best friend, Wonpil. I told you about him before, right? He is nice, very nice. I think I am becoming happier, Younghyun. I still miss you but since I am a bother to you, I will stop writing you from now on._

_I hope you are happy too? I wish one day we will meet again._

_I just ate a melon ice cream, you know the one we always ate. Do you still like it? I am wondering. I still hope we can eat it together someday._

_Sorry, for being a bother._

_Always stay happy and healthy!_

_Park Sungjin_

Younghyun noticed the last letter was the only letter Sungjin had not signed with _Your friend_. There was no way he could have held back his tears. His heart clenched tight, it felt heavy, out of place. These letters, every single one of them, it hurt so much reading them, just as much as knowing that he had been out there all this time ever since.

And his dad? He just hoped for him he hadn’t read those letters because if he did, and he had still ignored Sungjin, he might not be able to grand forgiveness anymore. Would it be wrong if he now went to see him again? Was it? Faster than he could think he had already grabbed his coat and almost stumbled upon his feet while running down the stairs; when he passed by the kitchen table where his dad was still sitting, he stopped for a second. His dad looked as if he wasn’t sure whether he should say something or not.

“Younghyun-“

“I’m leaving, sorry” and he smashed the front door and ran into the cold winter night. Younghyun wanted to ask him where all these letters came from and how he had received them, but it didn’t really interest him right now and also, he was afraid he would have said thing he would have regretted afterwards.

It was freezing and it felt as if temperatures had dropped by at least ten degrees; and of course he hadn’t brought any scarf, hat, or gloves – not that he had already given half of it to Sungjin during the past weeks. Just when he got out of his car, he saw Wonpil leaving the front door of the building hastily and if he wasn’t mistaken, he looked… not angry, but just sad, simply sad.

“Wonpil, wait.” Sungjin now ran after him but Wonpil didn’t listen and just walked away, leaving back a completely lost Sungjin. “Damn it.”

Younghyun’s heart skipped a beat when he suddenly made eye contact with the elder, Sungjin giving him a bright smile and crossing the street up to his car, upon which Younghyun scrolled down the window.

_Breathe Younghyun, breathe._

“Hey stranger, got lost?” Causing Younghyun to grin widely.

“Well, I’m new here, would you mind explaining me the way?”

“Sure, if you want to you could come up for a coffee?”

“Sure, would be great.”

It was weird, how his heart was beating this fast, how he was grinning nervously, how his breathing got faster. Was this what falling in love felt like? If so, it was beautiful. It felt beautiful.

“Long time no see?”

“Oh hell, how much of a long time.”

“Did something happen?” Younghyun now asked hesitantly, while Sungjin was leading him through the dark hallway leading to his flat on the third floor.

“No worries, Wonpil will be fine. We just had some…different view on things, it never happened before but…hey, there is a first time for everything. Please don’t think about it further, you’ve got enough to worry about.”

“Sungjin, it’s fine. If you’re struggling just tell me, please.”

“No, I’m fine.“

“I read them Sungjin.”

“What?” Sungjin now sat down next to him on the sofa, only centimetres away.

“The letters, Sungjin, I read all of them.”

The elders’ grin now disappeared on instant, his gaze focused on his hand which was closely intertwined with Younghyun’s.

“They still exist? I am kind of embarrassed right now, what I wrote it-“

“It broke my heart Sungjin, into a thousand pieces. I should have been there for you.”

“Maybe but…I’ve grown big and well, so would you please just stop worrying so much?”

“…then at least take my ice cream.” Younghyun now took two melon ice creams out of the white plastic bag he had brought and handed Sungjin one of them. “I do still like them, do you?”

“I still do, a lot.” The elder now grinned sincerely. ”Better than coffee for sure.”

“And now?” he asked when they had both finished their ice creams, silence filling the room.

“Well, I would know something…” without Younghyun even expecting it, he suddenly felt a cold hand running up his stomach. He would lie if he said he wasn’t enjoying the sensation the elder’s touch caused all throughout his body, but-

“Do you still have your massage oil?”

But he needed to be careful. If they had proceeded just now he wasn’t sure whether he would have been able to control himself. He was afraid that everything would go too fast, just as everything between the two of them, but it was hard - just too hard - to resist. And the massage oil had been the only thing that had come to Younghyun’s mind.

Sungjin’s expression went from shock, to realization, to a wide grin within seconds, and he returned with the oil just to hand it to Younghyun.

“I, uhm, should I lie down I mean-“

“Well, sure. It would be preferable if you would take off your shirt…as well. You don’t need to, no worries.”

_Awk-ward._

“No, makes sense.”

Hesitantly the elder pulled off his pullover; Younghyun could see how embarrassing this was to him. To be honest, his body was not muscular or anything, no, it was rather close to his own, but anything else wouldn’t have even fit him, and that made him even more lovable than he already was. Carefully the elder lied down at the sofa, exposing his back to the younger who was now sitting on the edge.

“Okay, it’s gonna be a little cold.”

“No worries, feels awesome.” A little moan escaped Sungjin when he reached his shoulders, his hands now slowly wandering down to his lower back.

“Right there.” He moaned when someone suddenly turned the key and opened the door.

“Hey, it’s me, Wonpil. I forgot my key- Of course.”

Younghyun could feel how the elders back tensed immediately – not quite the aim of a massage. To be honest, he wouldn’t have wanted to exchange positions with him in this very moment. He wasn’t sure what to read in Wonpil’s gaze: annoyance, amusement, maybe both? He did not know what they had been fighting about just before he had arrived so it could have been both. Without casting another glance at them, Wonpil grabbed his keys from the kitchen table and closed the door behind him.

“Will be back in a second, I’m just gonna take a shower.” And he simply got up without even waiting or expecting an answer from him.

“Sungjin, wait.”

“Could you leave me alone for a second, please?”

“Sure.”

Slightly taken aback he wasn’t even able to say anything to stop him, and he let him go.

Without thinking twice, he put on his jacket, quickly told Sungjin through the door he would go for a hot drink and went down to the café close to the shop. The shop itself was cosy, nothing special, but they had the best cinnamon latte by far. Some overplayed Christmas jingles were playing in the background, Christmas decoration placed in any available space. If Sungjin would have had a quarter of this in his shop he would have been completely fine. After he had taken his order, he sat down at a table far in the corner. As it was still Christmas day, the shop was quite empty, most of the guests here were actually couples, which made him miss Sungjin already. Honestly, he somewhat understood Sungjin’s reaction, but it did hurt a little. He guessed they still had a far way to go in getting used to certain things, and that needed time. Luckily Jae had called and asked to meet up with him, and Younghyun hoped he would arrive soon. He didn’t want to be alone on Christmas day.

“This one is for free for you today, Merry Christmas” he heard the waitress at the counter saying.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Could you maybe look for another spot? I-“ When he looked up however, he caught a pair of these beautiful familiar eyes looking at him.

“Sorry, Sungjin, sure. You okay?” Well, that was less time than he expected.

“Yes, sorry for treating you like that just now I was just…overwhelmed. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“It’s still new…for both of us. Let’s take our time.” Carefully he took both of Sungjin’s hands to slowly caress them with his thumbs. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. If his heart would continue to beat like this upon every touch, he might go crazy sooner or later.

“Why did you get the latte for free by the way?”

“Well, I’m a lovable person, am I not?”

“Jeez.”

“No, it’s because I’ve got my shop here. Don’t know, she tends to give me drinks for free quite often.”

“Oh, I see why then.”

“Why?”

“She’s flirting.”

“Why should she?”

“She keeps glancing at you too! Why am I holding your hands huh? Why do I like you, for fun?” He grinned sarcastically and was slightly amused at the unintentionally clumsy innocence of his.

“Don’t be so shy. You don’t know what your presence does to others. I think you will never recognize how handsome you are. You could move mountains with your gaze only.”

“Thank you, Younghyun.”

“That’s it? No denying?”

“No, Younghyun. I-“

“Hey Younghyun, why are you hiding here in the corner?” He froze in shock, letting go of the elder’s hands on instant; he had completely forgotten Jae. Unfortunately, he couldn’t neglect the scepticism in his eyes; he had probably seen things he couldn’t quite explain to himself.

“Oh, hey I…I didn’t expect to see you here?” He now looked at Sungjin. _Help._

“Oh, I didn’t know you were expecting your brother, I-“

“No, stay, please. How about we start all over. Park Jaehyung, but call me Jae.”

Sungjin’s face seemed to finally relax.

“Park Sungjin, but call me Sungjin.” Younghyun couldn’t even describe how glad he was watching the two.

“Merry Christmas both of you.” Jae now sat down at the free chair to his right.

“Now that I have you here Sungjin…sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like this that evening, and honestly, I wasn’t quite myself. Please accept my apology and know that I’m 100% on Younghyun’s, and hence, your side.”

“Well…I don’t know.”

For a short moment the younger sincerely thought Sungjin wouldn’t accept his apology.

“Joking, we’re good, aren’t we?”

“Jeez, Sungjin.” Jae now breathed in relief.

“And congrats. On becoming a dad.”

“Oh, thank you. Still can’t believe it! Well, talking about it…that’s why I wanted to meet you in the first place. You know we’ve been engaged for long now and we thought wouldn’t it be great to get married finally? Now with a baby on its way… We thought about April.”

“That would be great Jae.”

“You’re invited too of course Sungjin.”

_I would have brought him anyways_ Younghyun thought quietly to himself.

“Thanks.”

“And I guess I can also ask you now, Younghyun?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be my…best man?”

“God Jae, of course, I don’t know what to say!” Happiness wasn’t even the right word to describe what he felt. Of course, they had been getting along so well all this time, but that well? It was somehow endearing to see that their relationship, despite of that business part in there, had grown so so well.

“Just say yes. That’s all I want.”

“Well, yes!” In all excitement he was about to grab Sungjin’s hand, just for both of them to back up just in time.

“You know what?” Jae got up again “I think you need some time alone, Becca is waiting for me anyways.” Younghyun wasn’t feeling well seeing that sly grin on his face and leaving him and the elder alone again. Once Jae was out of sight, his body finally started to relax again.

“You were right, about Jae I mean. He is nice.”

“I know.”

“Younghyun, I have a question. Can we…go out for a walk? And go somewhere quiet?”

“Sure?”

**

Ten minutes later they found themselves wandering through the streets of Seoul, until they finally arrived at a tiny park. Even though it was warmer than usual, there were less people than expected.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Say…”

“What is it Sungjin, don’t be shy about it, just get rid of it.”

“Are we dating?”

“Well, what do you think?”

“Why do you guys keep asking me, I want to find out so I’m asking!”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a yes then.”

“Okay.”

“Well, then… can I call you my boyfriend? Like officially?” Younghyun stopped right in front of him.

_Boyfriend._ It just sounded very unreal to Sungjin, but it felt great. “I guess? If I can call you mine?”

Suddenly the younger grabbed his hand and pulled him behind a large tree, out of every sight of the public. “You can” and without a pre-warning the younger grabbed his cheeks and kissed him out of nowhere. Even though the kiss lasted a few seconds only, it felt as if a million stars were piercing through his body.

“Younghyun, what if somebody sees us huh?” Sungjin now grinned at the younger, that ticklish feeling still remaining on his lips.

“That would be quite unfortunate I would say” the younger joked “Come on, let’s go.”

With Younghyun now having put an arm around his shoulder they made their way home, and others would have probably assumed that they were simply a couple of very good friends.

**

A few days later, New Year was just around the corner, and Younghyun’s parents had organized a small party at their house. Nothing too big, only close friends and employees were invited. Since Sungjin, Wonpil and Dowoon had joined too, this was the first time his dad and Sungjin had met and Younghyun was still waiting for them to finish their talk.

While he was waiting, he helped his mom to clean the table in the living room and watched Dowoon and Wonpil bickering next to where he was sitting. One hour left until midnight.

“Shall we help, ma’am?” Dowoon now asked happily.

“No worries, this is your day off, enjoy.”

The more he thought about it, as sad as he was that his mom had died, his new stepmom was great. She was a great businesswoman, but next to that, she was just as much a great woman and great mom. And that just made him very happy.

“Younghyun, shouldn’t we take a photo?” Wonpil asked in excitement “Of course when Sungjin is back. Are they still talking?”

“How about after midnight? To celebrate the new year? And yes, but it will be fine, no worries. There he is.” 

Younghyun watched his dad giving him a last pad on the shoulder and leaving to help his mom in the kitchen.

“You alright?”

“Yes, no worries. I think…we’re settled. It happened and there is nothing we could change, and I guess…we both know.”

“Seriously? Wow we…will talk about it somewhen later okay?”

“Sungjin, you’re looking good today!” Wonpil now changed the topic with a wide grin.

“Thank you.”

“What? No denying? Nothing? What did you do to my best friend huh? Younghyun?” Tipsy Wonpil now put an arm around Younghyun. “You finally made him realize.”

“Well, you dragged me through several shops for five hours, I think I would have been mad if it wouldn’t be looking somewhat good.”

“Wow, that self-confidence!” Younghyun was impressed. The usual Sungjin would have shied away immediately but today…maybe it had been the alcohol again, then again, he seemed quite sober. Unlike Wonpil and Dowoon.

“Wanna get out for second?”

Sungjin nodded and followed Younghyun through the crowded living room, greeted some of his parent’s friends shortly and closed the terrace door behind them.

“God, it’s finally quiet.”

“Yeah, it’s quite crowded and…people are watching, if you get what I mean.”

“I know, it’s quite…frustrating.”

“Well, Wonpil knows…”

“And I told Dowoon…but he already knew from Wonpil. They should stop drinking together, jeez.”

“Yeah, they’re quite unstoppable these two.”

“Let’s start the next year together Sungjin. Let’s make it great huh? You know, I can’t predict how everything will go but I will be by your side. Always, promised.”

“Yes, let’s make the best out of it. You just said Dowoon and Wonpil, they are unstoppable together. But to be honest, that’s just how I feel with you by my side, Younghyun. As long as you hold my hand, I’m fine.” Younghyun wanted to squeeze his hand, hold him close, hug him, and that he wasn’t really able to do this was frustrating.

“By the way, you still didn’t tell me what you fought about with Wonpil, is everything settled?”

Sungjin started laughing. “Oh yes. I can’t quite explain what it was about but…I came over to his flat that same night and we both just started crying. I just asked him _Can’t you see me happy?_ and he was like _Don’t you trust me anymore?_ and we hugged, and we were all good.”

“That’s the kind of friendship everyone needs I guess. But I’m happy to hear that. Anything else would have broken my heart. You know, I’m a fan” Younghyun grinned and got up.

“Shall we go back in? There is only 30 minutes left and they are probably already looking for us. Oh, apropos, I want to take some photos later, I need to…look for the camera?” Younghyun smirked at him, indicating him to follow shortly after to not raise any suspicion.

“Dad, can I have your camera? Where is it??”

“Sure, it should be up in the office.”

“Okay!”

When he entered the office, he found the camera somewhere in the corner, and when he turned around again, he found Sungjin standing right in front of him.

“Oh, Sungjin, what a coincidence!”

“Hell, yes, didn’t expect you here!” Now stepping closer, he closed the gap right away. That one kiss, it was careful, innocent, short – but just as intense and left a ticklish feeling all over his body.

“I’ve been longing to do this the whole evening.” The elder now smiled shyly.

“We should go down again.”

“Maybe yeah, someone might be looking for us for real.”

“Oh, there they are, come on guys! One minute left.”

By now all of them had gathered outside, everyone holding a glass of champagne.

“Champagne? Isn’t that a bit…” Sungjin frowned.

“Here” Younghyun handed him a beer, another one in his own hand.

“You know me too well, don’t you?” Younghyun only returned a soft smile.

“Where have you guys been huh??”

“Getting some fresh air.”

“Upstairs?”

“Yeap.”

“Okay, okay. We get it.”

“5,4,3,2…1!! Happy new year everyone!”

He heard cheers, laughter, saw hugs, kisses, handshakes; colourful and bright fireworks were now lighting up the sky all over the city. And when he looked at Sungjin, his eyes would do the same all over. Having noticed that the younger had been staring at him, he turned his head, so that Younghyun was now directly facing the elder. If he could only kiss him; but hugging didn’t look suspicious, right?

“Happy new year, Sungjin.”

“Happy new year, Younghyun.”

“Oh hey, Jae, could you take some photos of us? Guys, come here!”

“Sure.”

“Damn, I didn’t think of bringing my camera” he heard Sungjin mumbling to himself, but Wonpil was faster.

“You guys take a photo alone.” To note, Jae was still holding the camera and hence this was getting a little awkward; he didn’t even know where or how to touch him. When he put his arm around Sungjin’s shoulder, he automatically leaned a little closer, unintentionally.

_Just how were they going to keep it a secret._ Well, at least not with Wonpil around.

“Eyy, that’s lame, why don’t you just kiss?”

_Okay, no panic_. If he would now move away that would look suspicious. If Younghyun wasn’t mistaken Dowoon had stepped on Wonpil’s foot which made him flinch in pain.

_Well deserved._

“YA! Yoon Dowoon!”

“Should they?” Jae grinned behind the camera. “Joking, come on 3,2,1.”

“Okay, thanks Jae! I will have a look at them later and send them to all of you.”

And luckily Jae left right after without leaving another comment or suspicious glance at them.

“Ya, Kim Wonpil, what was that huh?? I know you’re a little drunk but-“

“Oh, not really drunk anymore” he shrugged his shoulders “just a little tipsy. I- I should stop right? I need to go to the toilet.” And he disappeared.

“Okay, who needs another drink?”

**

“Dowoon, Wonpil, you will be sleeping over. No discussion.” Younghyun frowned a couple of hours and drinks later, after Sungjin and him had dragged them up to Younghyun’s room.

“And where should we sleep?”

“Sofa?? There is space for both of you, promised. I know very well.”

While he was glad the two were not starting another discussion and lied down on the sofa, the elder seemed slightly nervous.

“What is it??”

“No, I…I mean we will be sharing in front of them, what if somebody barges in?”

  
“I locked the door” he softly answered, only for the mood to be destroyed from the sofa once again. “You can do on that bed whatever you want, we’re half dead and won’t wake up for another 12 hours” Wonpil mumbled half-asleep, Dowoon snoring next to him.

Younghyun couldn’t help but smile at the sight that was offered to him and snuggled into his blanket. “I can give you an extra blanket too Sungjin, I know this is new but these two are those you need to worry least about.”

Without any warning the elder threw himself next to Younghyun who thought it was adorable how the elder rolled closer when he lifted the blanket for him. Half an hour later Sungjin had fallen asleep on Younghyun’s chest, snoring noisily. Annoying to majority of people, still adorable to Younghyun; just as almost everything the elder was doing. Carefully he opened his laptop to have a look at the photos which had been taken this evening. They were truly not perfect but still beautiful, as he was watching a bunch of guys whom fate had led back together in such strange ways.

But as he kept on scanning the photos, he suddenly seemed to lose all control over his lungs; his breath had stopped and wouldn’t come back for another few seconds. One by one he was skipping through the photos of Sungjin and him. Not the ones taken at the party tonight. No. Those that were made on Christmas Eve at their old house. Secretly, more or less. How they were sitting on the sofa, crying, laughing; how they were dancing, how they were being close. The photos back then had been taken with this camera.

That person who had been observing them that evening, and finally pushed Sungjin down that hill to the lake, how impossible it sounded, it must have been a person living in this house and thinking logically, it should be the one owing this camera; hence, there was only one option that sounded somewhat plausible.

His own father had spied on them. His own father had taken these photos. And his own father had pushed Sungjin down that hill without even checking up on him; had left him at the very same lake his parents had died in.

_Dad, how could you._

What a great start to the new year.


	12. Work Hard, Play Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I actually wrote this, I feel terrible. Anyways, there might be some explicit content in this chapter, just as a small warning. Hope you don't hate me after reading this, enjoy!😅 (In short: What have I done.)

_“I’ve always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof.”_

_Sherlock_

Sungjin thought it was great how the new year started.

Around eight in the morning he was woken up by the first sunrays which were covering Younghyuns’s room in a dim light. Before he would get up, he decided to remain for another five minutes resting his head on his chest, his warmth embracing him like a warm spring day. When he looked up, he noticed Younghyun was already awake, his empty gaze focused on the ceiling; he had not noticed him waking up. But when he tried to get up, the younger stopped him from doing so.

“Don’t, stay a little.” A sad tone resonated in his voice, but he smiled when pulling him a little closer.

“The shop…is open today. I need to get up.”

“I know, I will get up with you, let’s have a quick breakfast. I will make it while you shower.”

“Perfect.”

When he was done showering, he tried not waking the two youngsters who were happily snoring curled up on the sofa and went down, being greeted by the heavenly smell of fried bacon.

“I could get used to this.”

“You better don’t.”

“Well, that’s not only for you to decide huh? Younghyun, what is up with you, didn’t sleep well?”

“No, no just a bad dream, no worries. I hope at least.”

Was this what it looked like when Kang Younghyun was lying? He would bet. He wasn’t stating the entire truth, he was sure of it, but he would also not push him any further. When Younghyun received a message, confusion was plastering his face.

“Who is it?”

“Well, it’s Hunter again. I don’t know, it’s weird. He usually texts me but…the way he is texting me is somewhat-“

Sungjin was sure that this time he was stating the entire truth. Whatever the reason, this guy, Hunter, even though he didn’t know him, he didn’t trust him. Not in a business way but in a…private way? Because this was not the first time Younghyun had been confused about his actions.

“Don’t worry, I will talk to him. No need to be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous” he now pouted but the younger was just laughing “Adorable. Sungjin you know what? The company is closed today so I will join you.”

“That would be great.”

Indeed, both of them left together, leaving back Wonpil and Dowoon who were still half-death from yesterday and as proposed, wouldn’t probably wake up for the next few hours. When they entered the shop half an hour later everything first seemed fine, when he suddenly heard the younger gasp.

“Sungjin. Do you know what this is?”

Seeing what he had been referring to, he wasn’t sure whether this was only weird or already scary. Someone had placed a teddy bear wearing filthy clothes on the counter, and that bear was holding a card, on which he would find some handwritten words:

_Happy New Year? Let’s better hope for that…Here is a small donation, thought you might need it._

Next to it they found 1,000 Won.

“What the hell is this, a threat? Do you know this handwriting? Because I don’t”

“Me neither. I thought about Royale Estate, but this looks personal, it’s handwritten. The risk of identifying someone would be too big.”

“True. Jeez, welcome home Sherlock.”

“No, I was just thinking rationally, Watson.”

“Jokes aside, this I scary. The door was locked! It must have been someone with a key but the only ones with a key are Wonpil, you, and me.”

“True.”

“Someone could have taken a key from us but…who? Maybe Wonpil is playing a joke on me?”

“No, he wouldn’t be the type for it, wouldn’t he?”

“No, not really.” With a sigh Sungjin sat down behind the desk, his eyes fixed on the note. It didn’t make any sense. Then again, they had the money, the means – but that much effort to do only this? Non-sense. Still it was frightening to know that someone had been in here. Effortlessly. Without leaving any damage.

“Police?”

“Honestly, I really want to. But I would need to tell them about this whole estate thing and-“

“You know, we would have the means to go against them right?”

“No, Younghyun, no. Don’t. I don’t want you to get involved okay?”

“I AM already involved. Are you sure? One call and-“

“No, nonono. You promised to stay by my side right?”

“Yes Sungjin, and that won’t ever change.”

“Ew, cringe. We are way too cringeworthy.”

“I love that we are, so I can say all the things out loud that I want, no matter how cheesy and cringe.”

“Stop, I’m the cringe queen.”

“Okay okay. But seriously, I’m not feeling well about this. Please tell me about any little things that seem…off to you okay?”

“Promised.”

“What the hell is happening here…” he heard Younghyun mumbling to himself almost angrily, just before he headed to the back office.

And like that the day passed quickly, just as the rest of the week. Nothing had happened any further, except that Younghyun had been acting strange ever since new year. They had been spending as much time together as his schedule allowed, but somewhat he had become distant, quiet; and whenever he had been asking for the reasons, the younger had changed the topic right away. In the mornings and afternoons, he was usually busy at the company, later he would get back to the shop to either help out or work on a plan on how to get the shop back on track. Next to that he was even taking winter courses and planning his master’s thesis. Sungjin didn’t know how he managed to do all of this; often he would look tired, was barely able to keep his eyes open. And he was wondering whether he was getting any sleep at all; he would rarely sleep over these days. A couple of days later Younghyun was just about to leave, when he grabbed Younghyun by his hand to prevent him from leaving.

“Stop for a minute, would you?”

With a sigh Younghyun now faced him.

“I’m serious, I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore, really.”

“You’re always busy with your shop also.”

“This is my job, my full-time job. I’m not overworking myself by taking on too many tasks. Unlike you.”

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not.”

“I am, okay?!” the younger almost shouted, only for Sungjin to take a step back, shocked by the sudden outbreak.

“Sungjin, god I’m sorry, I-“ breaking down the same moment, he fell down on the chair right behind him.

“I will forgive you if you now come with me. I will order us some food and I will force you on the couch and then you will sleep at my place.”

Seemingly too tired to answer, the younger nodded and accompanied him to his flat. Upon arrival he laid down on the sofa with a thug, as if all the stress, all the tension was falling off for a second.

“If I could, I would tie you up to that sofa for a week and not let you go. REST Younghyun, even if you don’t want to tell me what is bothering you, do me the favour and rest okay? But first eat. Jeez.” His tone at this point had become insanely indulgent.

“Okay, I will, promised. It’s just, there is so much happening right now and so much to do that-

“Eat. Now.”

“Yes sir!” The younger suddenly grinned and stared at him.

“What is it?”

His voice suddenly went deep, that typical smirk plastering his face. “Nothing, just thought that was kinda sexy, you know?”

If Sungjin hadn’t blushed to death already, he might choke on the dumpling he had swallowed the same moment the younger had said that.

“You okay?”

_No._

“Yeah, sure. Eat, okay?”

“Yes sir!”

Sungjin tried hard to focus on the food in front of him but it clearly wasn’t easy having the younger glancing at him from the side all the time.

“Could you maybe stop looking at me like that, it’s distracting.”

“Oh, is it?”

In all his despair he now watched the younger opening his beer can, throwing his head back and starting to drink, which finally exposed his neck to its fullest. He was doing it on purpose, wasn’t he? Or was he just seeking for an excuse for those dirty thoughts that were suddenly crossing his mind.

“Now you are staring.”

“Revenge.”

“Well, I don’t mind if you do though?”

“Well, me neither…”

“Are you done eating?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I think it’s time for the dessert?” The tiredness in Younghyun’s eyes seemed completely gone; his gaze focused, determined, longing; and Sungjin couldn’t hold in the urge to take what was being offered to him. The way Younghyun now kissed him did not feel the same as before; it felt new, different, exciting. The way he was playing with his tongue, the way he was softly biting his lips; it did something to him, something…down there. If Younghyun wouldn’t have hesitated for a millisecond he wouldn’t have known that he had noticed. But this was normal to happen, wasn’t it? He tried hard to not feel embarrassed.

Carefully he was lifting the younger’s shirt who was sitting on his lap. In silent agreement he would lift his arms, exposing his chest to Sungjin. But instead of leaning in again, the younger pulled him up and led him to his bedroom. When he tried to push the younger down however, Younghyun was faster to do so. In between all those kisses and touches, they a couple of minutes later had all their clothes stripped off down to their underwear and if he wasn’t mistaken, the younger seemed nervous, just as himself. He was glad to not be the only one, but if they wouldn’t proceed that would be awkward just as much.

Younghyun suddenly started giggling. _Gosh, he was beautiful, wasn’t he._

“Well, this is awkward. I…do you want to proceed?”

“I have never…have you?”

“No, not with men I mean. But…I practised.” Sungjin hasn’t ever seen anyone blushing as much as the younger did at this very moment.

“You what?? How…don’t tell me, later maybe, not now like- Aren’t you busy enough??” A smirk grew on the youngers’ face while he slowly went down to kiss his neck. _Jeez._

“Work hard” he placed another kiss on his chest “play hard.”

If he wasn’t mistaken his face got redder than Younghyun’s at this stage. He had to admit that had been a good and…dirty one. Sungjin was wondering whether all of this was going too fast but he just didn’t want to stop. He trusted Younghyun in any way, and it felt right to do this.

“Sungjin, let’s just…take it slowly, let’s not rush into things.”

And he smiled at Younghyun; that’s exactly what he meant.

“I agree.”

“So, should I stop?” He grinned mischievously…

“Now? No, we gotta start somewhere. Slowly I mean, like…”

“Okay, but I have never done this before I-“

“You’re good at anything besides golf, now…just do it, please.” Never in his life Sungjin had begged for anything, never, but this one time should be the first one to ever do so. He just hoped he hadn’t sounded that desperate, because that’s how he felt if the younger would be waiting any longer. Younghyun grinned at him one more time before kissing his temple, and slowly, very slowly went down further, further and further. When the younger reached his inner thighs, a soft moan escaped his lips upon the unexpected sensation. And as he proceeded to move upwards, for the first time in his life, he was concerned with the quality of his noise insulation.

Half an hour later they found themselves lying there, this time Younghyun’s head on his chest. As he proceeded playing with his hair, the younger suddenly stared at him with a soft smile. They had seriously done it. Nothing wild; it somewhat felt as if they had taken a first attempt to explore each other, to get a feel for each other. And he thought that was beautiful.

“Younghyun, what is it?”

“I’m not sure whether this is the right timing for it, but I have been wanting to say this for a couple of days now.”

“Go ahead.”

“I love you, Sungjin. I just love you so much, and I think I couldn’t fall any deeper than I already have.” Younghyun softly intertwined his hand with his. Never had three simple words affected him as much as right now, right here. Three simple words, but they meant everything to him.

“I love you too, Younghyun, I love you too.”

**

Younghyun had been wanting to say this for so long. _I like you_ didn’t feel right anymore, he loved him with all his heart, and he wanted him to know. He wanted to protect him from anything bad in this world and never let him go, even though he knew, or especially because he knew, times would get rough.

He still hadn’t told him about the photos, and it felt awful. Also he had avoided his dad whenever he could. Jae was just so happy to get married that he didn’t want to destroy the mood by exposing his dad, and Sungjin and him were happy just as much. But Sungjin knew something was wrong and Younghyun felt burdened by keeping this secret from him. Even drowning himself in work hadn’t helped. He hadn’t been feeling that well anyways; there was this constant pressure on his chest that seemed to follow him wherever he was going. No matter how hard he tried to get rid of it, it didn’t work. Being with Sungjin however, it helped. So much. If it wasn’t for him, he might have already gone crazy.

“I really really love you Younghyun.” Placing another kiss on his chest, he pulled up the blanket for both of them to cuddle into it and slowly fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“I also really really, like REALLY love you, Sungjin.”

“Oh, you wanna play that game? Then I really really-

“Don’t! You won.” Younghyun now grinned. “Let’s sleep.”

“Great.”

And this time, they really fell asleep.

The other morning started off just as well, and he wondered why he hadn’t stayed over more often this week. Because he had work to get done? Valid excuse for himself, but not for causing the elder to worry. He knew Sungjin was overthinking stuff way too much, so actually he shouldn’t give him too many reasons to do so.

“By the way, are you free tonight? Wonpil and Dowoon are going out to Hongdae, grab some snacks, karaoke and stuff. They asked us to join, do you want to?”

“Sorry, I do have university this morning and an appointment in Busan later this afternoon today. I might be home late, but I can join as soon as I arrive?”

“Oh, okay. Nothing we could do about it. Though I would love to see you drunk once.”

“Oh hell, you don’t want to. I become a little…clingy? Talky? Touchy? I don’t know.”

“Oh well, I wouldn’t mind then though?”

“Ya! Eat your toast. I gotta leave.” With a bright grin he put on his jacket and headed for the door, just to turn around the next second.

“What is it?” Sungjin looked at him in confusion, his mouth still stuffed with marmalade toast.

“I forgot something.” A warm smile spread on the elder’s face when Younghyun placed a soft kiss on his lips, leaving back the sweet taste of marmalade on his own.

“Ow, couple cringe?”

“Sure _honey_. Oh no, let’s not do those names please.”

“Nope, no names please _sugar_.”

“Oh sweetie pie!”

“Don’t you have to leave??”

“Yes…unfortunately.”

“You’re gonna see Hunter again?”

“Yes, why are you asking?”

“Just…just asking.” As he watched Sungjin blushing he thought it was somewhat adorable when he became jealous.

“You know you’re adorable when you’re jealous?”

“I am not!”

“Whether or not, no need to worry, I told you how I think about my college friends, hm?” Softly, he placed another kiss on his forehead. “And my heart is entirely yours. So?”

“Take care okay? Love you.”

He turned around one more time before he closed the door behind him to step out into the cold.

“Love you too.”

**

When Sungjin got out of the underground station around nine in the evening, Wonpil and Dowoon were already expecting him.

“Here we are!”

It had already gotten dark, still the streets were covered in the brightest colours, shops were crowded, people chatting and laughing everywhere, every few metres street artists would perform; the latter probably being Sungjin’s favourite part about going to Hongdae.

“Younghyun just called, he won’t make it tonight.”

“Really? Why didn’t he call me?” A feeling of disappointment was spreading all among his chest.

“He said he tried to call you three times, but you wouldn’t pick up.”

“Oh, true.”

“We can have fun without him too, don’t we?” Wonpil now joked to lighten up his mood a bit, Sungjin however only gave a half-hearted smile in return upon which Wonpil only sighed.

“He’s hopelessly in love, isn’t he?” That annoying tone seemed quite familiar, didn’t it? Though he was expecting it, he still flinched when Younghyun hugged him from behind, but melted away when he received a light, almost unnoticeable, kiss on his cheek.

“He is” Wonpil grinned and put his arm around Dowoon “Let’s leave and have a great night guys!”

As he watched the two walking in front of him, Younghyun had done the same. “Sorry, I wanted to surprise you. I also brought you something!”

“What is it?”

“I won’t tell you, later?” A smirk grew on his face, and Sungjin blushed somewhat thinking back to last night.

A barbecue, an estimated 100 songs and couple of drinks later they had found themselves a cosy bar off the main street on the upper floor.

“Why aren’t you getting drunk? You drank two bottles of Soju already, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but I never told you that I can drink a lot.”

While Dowoon and Wonpil had both gotten tipsy already, Sungjin tried his best to get the younger drunk, but somehow it just wouldn’t work.

“Why do you want to see me drunk huh?”

“Because I’m curious!”

“I bet you will get drunk before me” Younghyun now provoked him, just to get up a second later. “I will get us more drinks.”

Sungjin watched him leaving and had to admit, he seemed completely sober. That would be a long night.

However, he wouldn’t come back for another ten minutes until he received a text.

_Will be back in a minute, just trying to take care of a problem here_ 😒

**

The problem appeared to be a completely drunk Hunter Younghyun had met at the bar downstairs. His eyes seemed swollen and he was alone.

“Have a drink with me, don’t leave me alone as everyone else. And we’re gonna start our master’s thesis soon, too. So let’s drink.”

“One drink” Younghyun had said. But here they were at their third drink already.

“Come on Han, I will call you a Taxi, how about that?”

“You know I actually prefer it if you call me Han. Not Hunter…”

_Okay?_

Hunter had been acting weird during the last weeks, had contacted him more often, asked him to hang out together; maybe he had really done it because he was feeling lonely? Younghyun felt somewhat sorry for him, still he preferred to get drunk with Sungjin, Dowoon and Wonpil. If he would bring him up? That would be betrayal, wouldn’t it?

“Han, should I call you a taxi?”

“No! No…I don’t want to go home.”

“Oh? Isn’t that…”

“Who?” Younghyun turned around but couldn’t figure out whom he meant.

“Oh nothing, just thought I saw someone I knew. Cheers?”

He texted Sungjin, so that he wouldn’t worry. He didn’t tell him what the problem was because he would get jealous for sure. And that even without knowing how Hunter looked. Hunter was handsome for sure, his style great, and he was not an ENTIRE idiot, so shouldn’t he be dating constantly? Anyway, he was just not belonging to these kind of people Younghyun would surround himself with.

“Don’t you feel lonely sometimes Younghyun?”

_Younghyun? How drunk could he be?_

“Yes, I do but…I’m fine with it.”

“Really? I don’t know. Even you are rejecting me all the time…I even went to your house but your dad told me you weren’t there and I got drunk alone right after.”

Okay, that meant Hunter was finally declared not guilty.

When he finished another drink, the alcohol started to hit slowly but surely and if he wouldn’t stop now he would lose to Sungjin for sure.

“You know what, _Han_? Let’s go up, meet my friends.”

What had he just done? Was he crazy? Maybe that was the alcohol speaking.

“Really?” Younghyun thought he was seeing a spark of joy crossing his eyes. “I would prefer to spend time with you alone but…”

“Okay, let’s go up. Now.”

And he dragged Han with him.

***

But Younghyun wouldn’t come back. Sungjin had tried to call him, everything, but he wouldn’t pick up even an hour later. The three of them searched the bar, the area, but nothing and they started to worry. Younghyun was not this kind of person, he knew Sungjin too well to just let him worry for no reason. Sungjin headed back to the bar where his friends were waiting for news.

“I called his mom. He isn’t home either…”

“Maybe he went back by himself? Maybe he didn’t feel well?” Wonpil now speculated but didn’t seem too convinced either.

“But he is not the type to just leave” he now sighed and tried to call again.

“He even told me he brought me something as a surprise and would give it to me later. He wanted to stay over today, too!”

“Aha. Seems like we’re gonna head home, Sungjin is busy.” Wonpil grinned mischievously and dragged Sungjin up.

“What?”

“Think about it. He wanted to sleep over, a surprise he couldn’t immediately give to you but tonight, him disappearing mysteriously…”

“Ohhh, that might make sense.”

Wonpil might have been right, maybe he was just worrying too much once again. Now in eager excitement, he grabbed his jacket and they were heading for the counter.

“Oh, you already paid” the waiter said, confusion written all over their faces.

“That can’t be I…”

“No, seriously, a friend of yours paid some time ago.”

“Okay, thank you!” Sungjin bowed and they went outside.

“Yeap, I guess our theory remains unchallenged.”

They soon arrived at the final station where their ways parted, all of them living in different directions. Not a minute Sungjin could hide his excitement for what would await him once he got back home. Upon entering his flat however, disappointment broadened in his chest; everything was dark and the younger nowhere to be seen.

A little smile escaped him entering the bedroom, because he found Younghyun snoring in his bed. Weird, however, that he wasn’t even covered with a blanket and was solely wearing his underwear; not even the heating was turned on. Quickly he switched on the light, revealing the room in an entirely different light. Younghyun’s clothes were spread all among the room, the blanket half on the ground, the sheets messy. He even found his boxers in between this mess-

_Wait. He was wearing his. Whose boxers were these?_

“Younghyun, wake up. Ya!” No matter what he would do he wouldn’t wake up. Having a closer look, he found a polaroid on the night table, a note written on the back.

_You were great tonight, I want you to know that I always liked you Younghyun._

_And I hope it was okay if I took a polaroid of you…_

His worst nightmare came true when he turned the picture around and saw Younghyun, half naked, with another guy. His heart clenched tight; his breath became heavy. And when he almost stepped on a used condom, he wanted to cry, scream, break something.

Younghyun had cheated on him. Slept with another man, in his flat, his bed, one night after they had declared each other their love, after they- His stomach turned on latter thought and he felt like throwing up.

He always thought love was a great thing. The greatest thing of all.

But it could just as much be the opposite.

And it hurt.

It hurt like hell.


	13. Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> Not sure if anyone is still with me, but I hope you've been healthy and well?😄
> 
> Before you start reading, some tigger warnings ahead. Though I dont want to give away any content, this chapter contains mentions and indications of non-consensual sexual intercourse. But as mentioned before, there is only indications and mentions of it, there is nothing explicit and neither will it be in the following chapters. (I already found this kinda extreme to write, but I did it anyways...)
> 
> As this story is rather angsty I thought of starting another one, something light-hearted and not tremedeously angsty. I've got two ideas I just like so much in mind, not sure if anyone would be reading it but I might publish a chapter of another story soon😄

His head hurt like hell when Younghyun woke up the other morning, and he was barely able to keep his eyes open. Though he recognized to be in Sungjin’s bedroom, he didn’t know how he had gotten here. The last thing he remembered was getting onto the train back to Seoul and then – blackout.

Quickly he pulled the blanket aside and got up into the living room where Sungjin was awaiting him, sitting on the couch, at least four or five empty cans of beer on the table in front of him. But he did not say anything, he didn’t even look at him. Instead, his empty gaze was getting lost in the distance.

“Younghyun, how could you.” Younghyun got goose bumps upon hearing his voice; it sounded cold, sad, tired.

“Were you up all night?? Sungjin, what the hell happened yesterday, I just woke up and the last thing I remember is getting onto the train I-“

“You know I always thought I knew when you were lying and when not. Because you only lied to me once, or, so I thought. How could you Younghyun, now, _here_?”

Tears were slowly running down the elder’s cheeks; Younghyun didn’t know what happened but whatever he had supposedly done, he somehow didn’t want to know. Because, when he wanted to touch him, Sungjin flinched. “Don’t touch me, please.”

And it broke his heart into a thousand pieces when he looked into Sungjin’s eyes. Those eyes that were usually filled with mischief, warmth, sparkle, would now be filled with sadness, anger, confusion, emptiness, hurt.

“How could you cheat on me? How, Younghyun? When you said you practised, is this what you meant? Huh?? What am I to you? What else did you lie about?”

Somehow anger continued to grow in his chest. “What are you talking about Sungjin, if you would just tell me-“

“Look at it yourself.”

When he handed him a polaroid, it seemed as something within the elder was breaking apart, and Younghyun would never be able to catch those pieces and put them back together ever again. And when he looked at it, he knew why.

That was him. Half-naked. With another guy…in Sungjin’s bed. No, that couldn’t be. He hadn’t done anything. Or had he? He didn’t know.

“I found a used…” Sungjin’s voice broke.

“What did you find Sungjin?”

“A used condom, and underwear that was not yours.”

The air felt thick all of a sudden, as if any oxygen in the room had been distracted. The silence felt unbearably loud, just as his own heartbeat against his ears.

“Sungjin, I would have never done this. I love-“

“Don’t. Don’t say it. Please. It would break me completely.”

“But I met up with you guys yesterday after I came back, didn’t I?”

“Yes. But you went down to get drinks and never came back. Told me I _shouldn’t worry_ , you would need to take care of a _problem_. What kind of problem was that huh? _Who_ was it?” The scariest part was that he ain’t even shouting, not even sounding angry, just empty.

“I don’t know who he is, the photo is not clear enough. Sungjin, was I that drunk?”

“No. You weren’t. But maybe you got drunk without me, and got a little _touchy? Clingy_?” A bitter smile escaped his lips. “I don’t know how to say this without breaking down, Younghyun, and I will probably after you will have left. But I want you to leave, now.”

“Sungjin please, someone must have plotted this, really. Why wouldn’t I remember anything huh? Do you really think I would do this?”

“Honestly, no. But I don’t know what to believe anymore. Leave, or I will. And you know I will.”

There was no need, this conversation wouldn’t lead anywhere. He left for the bedroom right away and only now noticed the mess around him, and he felt disgusting. Just very very disgusting. He hadn’t slept with anyone this night; wouldn’t he have noticed otherwise? Wouldn’t it… _hur_ t? He couldn’t stand being in there anymore. Within a second, he tidied everything up, got dressed, and went back to the living room. Where was his jacket? His phone? His purse? Everything seemed gone. Even worse, his surprise for Sungjin had been in there.

“I will leave, but where is my jacket, my phone, my purse? I can’t find it.”

“Oh, maybe you threw it out of the window during your wild session tonight.” That sarcasm hit even worse. “It’s not here, I don’t know.” He now mumbled.

_Great._

Just before he was about to leave, Sungjin ran after him. “Wait! It’s cold outside.”

Without looking into his eyes, he handed him his jacket, put his scarf around his neck and left again with a sad smile.

Just why did this have such a bittersweet feeling to it. “ _I love you too”_ He whispered into the cold, but Sungjin was already out of sight.

It was strange. But he could understand Sungjin, he really could. If he would have found him in his bed with- he didn’t even want to imagine it. All of this didn’t make any sense, and Younghyun was certain he hadn’t done it. Thinking about the used condom however, he suddenly felt sick and had hardly reached the next trash bin for him to throw up and break down; he thought he had lost consciousness for a second.

“Younghyun!” Someone now yelled right behind him and two hands grabbed him by his back when he tried to sit up. It was Wonpil.

“Younghyun, what happened, are you okay? Should I text someone, your parents, Sungjin.”

“Not Sungjin. Please.” His head was killing him. “He didn’t tell you? Wonpil, I know you’re his best friend but…I need your and Dowoon’s help. Please.”

“Okay, I’m actually worried now. I have two hours left till work. Should I call an ambulance or bring you to the hospital?”

“No, no please just listen to me. Would you?”

“Okay, if I get to know what happened and why Sungjin didn’t reply when I asked him what happened to you, I won’t force you to go to the hospital. Can you walk?”

He nodded silently. Wonpil helped him to get up and led him to his flat which wasn’t as far. His one-room flat was small, but bright, and stylish, everything somehow fit together in one way or another; there was nothing much to do wrong with white, grey and blue anyways.

Five minutes later Wonpil had brought him a tea and covered him in a blanket on the sofa.

Did he ever say Wonpil was one of the purest human beings to ever exist? Because he probably was.

“Thank you, Wonpil.”

“Tell me, what happened.”

“Here.” When he handed him the polaroid, Wonpil stared at him in disbelief, then in anger.

“Seriously? You’re telling me you cheated on my best friend, which is why he isn’t replying to me, and now I am here talking to you instead of him?”

“Wonpil listen. That’s the point. I don’t know what happened. I have a total blackout and I feel terrible. I have never had a blackout in my entire life from alcohol. Wonpil please, I feel lost, disgusting, I-“ He finally cried. All this time he had taken it in, but he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. And despite of all, Wonpil hugged him close and only let go when he stopped sobbing.

“Wonpil, I would never ever cheat on him. I love him with all my heart. I even bought a present, a lock with our initials on it, someone has been plotting this!”

“Youngyhun, what if you…what if you were that drunk and actually cheated on him.”

“In his flat, in his bed?? Seriously?”

“Wait, what?? I don’t know what to think Younghyun, Sungjin must be feeling terrible, I should be there for him I- Wait.” Wonpil got up when the doorbell rang; Younghyun tensed when he heard who it was.

“Sungjin, hey I…”

“Wonpil, I need to- What the hell is _he_ doing here?? Okay, you know what? I’m leaving, you are my best friend how can you-“

“Sungjin, wait, I just heard about it. He blacked out in the middle of the street, should I have just left him there?

“No…is he okay?” Sungjin hesitated, Younghyun too scared to say anything.

“Not so much, but I’m taking care of him.”

“I’m leaving anyway. It’s either him or me.”

“Sungjin, seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, wait! Younghyun, stay here.” And he smashed the door behind him. And Younghyun was left alone again until he fell asleep, one nightmare haunting the other.

**

“No, it was not you.”

“Are you sure?”

Wonpil had kept his promise and listened to Younghyun the whole evening after he had talked to Sungjin and gotten back from work. As he was able to convince Wonpil that all of this didn’t make any sense, Wonpil had insisted on accompanying him to that bar to get his stuff, but especially to find out what had happened.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Could we maybe…check the camera footage? Could you maybe ask your boss? I know it’s a lot to ask for but-“

“Well, I am the boss so…I don’t know, data protection, etcetera.”

“Please, I’m actually worried. Something must have happened. Otherwise I might also get the police involved.”

With a sigh, the bar owner seemed to agree half-heartedly. “Okay, if something illegal is happening in my bar I want to know also so…”

As he was showing them the footage in the back office, Younghyun’s eyes were firmly fixed on the screen.

“Okay, there I am…there is that guy.” He urged to know who that guy was, but the angle the camera was filming from was somewhat strange, so that he was only able to look at it from afar and behind; also, he was covering his own glass.

“15 minutes and you still look completely sober.”

“I know! Damn, why is he never turning towards the camera. Oh my-“

Suddenly he saw himself getting up and stumbling upon his own feet, barely able to hold himself up, just to then be supported by that other guy. Then that other guy turned towards the camera and he wasn’t sure whether he should be surprised or not.

“Oh my god, I know him. Very well, I-“

“Oh my god, me too.” Wonpil looked just as shocked as himself.

“Wait, what??”

“What did I say? No, no he just looked familiar for a second, nevermind...” Wonpil nervously bit his lip.

„Okay?“

„Yes…well, you know who he is, but you can’t really make out whether he is putting something into your drink or not. It might be but… you can’t tell clearly.”

“True.” But why? Why would Hunter do this? Did he actually- Once again he felt like throwing up.

“Younghyun, you okay?”

“My things, I left my things here…are they still here?”

“Have a look at the wardrobe, they should still be there then.”

“Okay. Thank you for your help.”

“No problem, see you guys! And take care okay?”

And Younghyun and Wonpil left through the front door. Wonpil somewhat acted strange ever since he saw the video footage, but whenever he asked he would just pass it off as a misunderstanding. Not really having the power to concentrate on yet anything else, he kept quiet. Even the evening sun that was now shining upon them suddenly didn’t feel warm anymore, neither did the cold feel cold anymore.

He felt numb. Entirely numb.

“Younghyun, I-“

“Can I sleep at your place tonight Wonpil? Please, I just wannabe somewhere where I feel safe? And I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Sure, come with me. I’m just going to see Sungjin tonight…”

Younghyun gulped. “Sure.”

“I support you Younghyun. Even if something happened, it was not voluntarily, I’m sure of it. Don’t know whether that is making things better…” Wonpil couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

This was terrifying. To the bone. But why the hell would Hunter do this? Just why? He wouldn’t- All those weird messages and his weird behavior during the last weeks had been oddly suspicious. Ever since he got together with Sungjin-

“Shouldn’t you go and tell the police…?”

“Police? They wouldn’t believe me. Never. Also, we would both be men and I…no. But I gotta talk to someone else.”

“Okay, but not today. Let’s get home, grab something to eat and then I will put you on my couch.”

A weak smile escaped him. “Thank you.”

**

  
„No Wonpil, give me a reason to believe you!”

“Isn’t Younghyun himself reason enough for you to believe me?!” Wonpil sounded angry, almost raging. Something he wasn’t really used to from his best friend. But however he tried to convince him, Sungjin was still hurt, and somehow his heart would not listen to his mind once again and the other way around. Something inside him wouldn’t let him find peace with this and it felt terrible. But wasn’t it understandable? One part of him firmly believed Younghyun would have never done this, another part remembered how Younghyun told him that he got touchy when he was drunk. Also, they hadn’t gone far yet when it came to intimacy, maybe it hadn’t been enough for him? Who knew? But he knew Younghyun, didn’t he?

“Yes and no. Please understand me, okay? Aren’t you my best friend? Shouldn’t you be on my side?”

“Because _I am_ your best friend I’m actually not on your side in this case. I think you would make a huge mistake to not believe him. And I know it would haunt you if you would end this and leave everything open. Also…I saw camera footage today. Of Younghyun and that guy.”

Not sure whether he wanted to know, Sungjin breathed in sharply and turned towards Wonpil.

“Tell me.”

“He wasn’t that drunk, and from one second to the other he had a total blackout not remembering anything? Isn’t that weird? Younghyun didn’t watch his glass for a couple of seconds, it’s not visible but I would bet my ass on it. From one second to another he started to stumble.”

“Except for the fact that your ass in non-existent.” Sungjin would finally help himself to grin.

“Ya! That wasn’t…nice. You’re right though.” To his relief Wonpil giggled in response.

“I don’t know, this all sounds too…unrealistic. Almost impossible.”

“How possible was it for you to meet Younghyun within these circumstances after 18 years after all huh? I thought you learned that the word ‘normal’ shouldn’t be in your vocabulary anymore.”

“Argh this is driving me crazy! I don’t know, okay? I still don’t know what to believe Wonpil.”

“He is at my flat if you want to talk.”

“He what?? Traitor.” Sungjin pouted, but Wonpil took it more seriously than it was intended to be.

“Yes. Because he feels terrible and needs a place to feel safe. He feels disgusting. And I understand. If actually something happened without his consent-“

Sungjin turned pale within a second. He hadn’t really thought about it, but there was this one word: _if_.

“If you’re not convinced enough, here. Younghyun might kill me if he knew I’m giving it to you, but I don’t know how else to convince you. It’s the present he brought for you. I’m leaving now, it’s already late and I think you need some time to figure things out.”

Taken aback, he watched the younger rummaging in his bag and putting something on the table. Before he could even figure out what it was, Wonpil had closed the door behind him. And when he had a closer look at Younghyun’s present, he didn’t know whether to smile, scream or cry his heart out.

***

A couple of days later Sungjin still hadn’t talked to him. Days that had felt like eternity. He had been missing the work, the shop, he missed Sungjin. And not knowing whether he would be ready to believe something he himself wasn’t even sure of made things even worse. Surely, Wonpil had been an angel to still let him sleep over even after days, but this wouldn’t be the final solution. He had been texting Hunter also, but he seemed to avoid him on any instance, neither did he meet him at home, which is why he hoped to meet him at university today. Because he needed clarity. Waiting at the university entrance, he saw Hunter entering through the front door, and pure anger was arising in his chest.

“Ya! Hunter! We gotta talk!” Harsher that he intended to, he pulled Hunter with him into an empty teaching room far from the crowds and let him go with a push.

“Hey Younghyun, what the hell??”

“Don’t act that innocent okay?

“I know that we met at the bar, okay? I saw video footage. Don’t you dare to lie to me!”

“Okay, stop okay? I admit! I admit.” While his muscles started to relax, Hunters seemed to tense.

“I- I don’t know why I did this Younghyun, but I guess I was a coward, I shouldn’t have burdened you with my problems, I-”

_Were that actual tears he saw in his eyes?_

“I will be honest with you, I don’t clearly remember everything that happened that night, I had a blackout just like you, I woke up at home. In between there are only puzzle pieces.”

“What?? Are you joking with me, _Hunter_?”

“Younghyun stop it, I seriously don’t remember everything that clearly, okay??”

This wasn’t the answer he had been hoping for. But how much Younghyun tried, he found himself believing the other. “I just remember I went to the bar…alone, because I felt lonely and then, I don’t know. I remember we left together and then I don’t remember where we went…”

“And this??” He threw the polaroid at him.

“I…I have a similar one.”

“And _Please know I always liked you_? What about that?”

“That’s not my handwriting I would say.”

“Well, you were drunk, of course it would look different. Jeez, just admit you plotted this!”

“No, because I didn’t plot anything. But it’s true.”

“What?”

“That I like you.”

“Wait, what.”

THAT was an answer he neither expected nor wanted. Not Hunter, never.

“Stop it, stop it with your lies, I’m sick of it! Stop messing with me!”

If Younghyun wasn’t angry yet, then he was now. Who was he to bark out all these lies just to get himself out of this whole situation? But why did he look so determined, so honest. He hadn’t even flinched once, had kept eye contact almost all of the time.

“I like you. If you want to believe me or not. Ask Sohee if you want to.”

“You told someone about it?? Han, you know it’s impossible for me to believe all of this right? Honestly, it sounds like nonsense to me. You are the son of one of the big three, like-“

A bittersweet smile crossed his face. “Of course, Hunter. That cold-hearted real-estate guy. Feelings? Does he even have them? And honestly, there are rumors. And you are the son of one of the big three just as much.”

“What rumors?”

“About you and your…sexual preferences.”

“Aha.” _Stay calm_ he would tell himself, but it was just so hard to keep a poker face. For most of the people _rumors_ did not refer to anything else than the _truth_. “It’s all around school if you didn’t know.”

 _Ignore him, don’t loose your nerves_ he tried to calm himself down once again.

“You know what Hunter? I always thought you were a decent guy. In case you want to know.”

“It’s not non-sense Younghyun.” Not really knowing how to respond he somewhat tried to progress this conversation further.

“And the condom? Huh?” Younghyun wished he hadn’t said this; because his face felt as if it was burning. Not as much as Hunters but still.

“I don’t know, I always have some with me BUT I would have never done something to you if you didn’t want to okay? I’m not that kind of guy. I’m a decent guy, and you should know. I- I might only remember pieces but I don’t remember that we-”

 _Oh my god. What the hell happened that night_? Younghyun wasn’t sure what to believe, because all of it still didn’t make any sense.

“But Hunter, my clothes, my- you are lying to me, you have to! Tell me the truth, tell –“ _Sungjin the truth_ he wanted to say, but backed out just in time. “You’re destroying everything at the moment.”

“Oh, is that so?” His tone sounded threatening almost, and the look in his eyes, it caused a shiver to run down his spine.

Barely able to say anything he turned around, only for Hunter to shout after him.

“It’s the truth Younghyun. Believe me. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not you okay?”

Why, just why did he believe him all of a sudden? Because he sounded so sincere? He liked him? Liked him liked him? It didn’t make any sense. But for now, he had to get out of here. The luckier he was when Wonpil and Dowoon invited him to meet up at Wonpil’s place a few minutes later. _Fuck those damn courses._

An hour later he found himself on Wonpil’s couch, Wonpil’s and Dowoon’s eyes firmly fixed on him.

“You look…bad.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Didn’t go too well?”

“No, not really.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he said I could trust him that nothing happened, then why-“

“Why what?”

“Nothing, it still doesn’t make any sense. Help.”

“But he said nothing happened right?”

“Yes…and no. I don’t know, but something about him seemed _off._ At some point it got frightening, you should have seen the look in his eyes.”

Younghyun gulped, not able to look anyone in the eyes.

“Maybe that’s because he confessed that he likes me.”

“Wait what??” Though he couldn’t see their faces, he would feel both of their shocked gazes resting on him.

“That sounds so…absurd.”

“Okay, you know what? Whether he lied or not, everyone is certain nothing happened okay? Younghyun, don’t torture yourself.” Dowoon now put his arm around his shoulder to comfort him.

“Dowoon is right. Though we all want to know the truth, you might never find out. Don’t let this destroy your relationship with Sungjin. I think deep inside he also believes nothing happened. Talk to him.”

But instead, the pressure on his chest continued to grow, the tension filling his body taking away all the air to breathe. “But I still feel…I don’t know. What IF something happened and- I feel disgusting, still.”

“Sungjin misses you, and he needs you. We all know. I understand how you feel, but we are here for you. Please know that.”

“Thanks guys.”

_Why did everything always seem so easy to say, when in reality, it wasn’t. And why was everything so complicated. Just why._

“Oh, and I gave him the lock.”

“What? Wonpil!” Younghyun now whined sadly.

“I needed this to convince him, how about you just visit him at his shop tomorrow? It’s your day anyway and he is constantly annoying me with ‘ _Should I text him, should I not?’_ , it’s getting annoying.”

“Okay…thanks guys, you guys should go and sleep too, it’s late already.”

Or maybe he was just seeking for an excuse to be alone. He wouldn’t find proper sleep that night, his mind constantly wandering, lost in thought he couldn’t control, thought that were drowning him, absorbing all his energy. Never in his life he had felt this lonely, this lost. And somehow it felt that it wouldn’t end to soon. And the proof got to him no later than the next day.

The next day passed by quickly just as much. Though he had been busy at the company, his mind would always wander off to Sungjin and on how he would face him later. Would everything be the same? Actually, that’s all he wanted, and he would bet Sungjin too. And all those people around him, what did they know? If people in school knew, everyone knew. And if everyone knew, his family knew. Though he might be imagining it, it felt as if everyone was staring at him today, judging him, laughing at him.

“Younghyun, go home. You don’t seem so well today, I can continue this meeting alone” Jae had approached him during the break for a client meeting.

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t that be unprofessional?”

“Oh, come on, you did the same for me a couple of times. Go, or I will kick you out.” Jae grinned at him and went back into the meeting room. Checking his phone in the elevator he noticed four missed calls from Sungjin within two minutes; When he called back however, no one picked up. _Strange._

As temperatures were mild today, he decided to walk to the shop, enjoying the bright winter sun that was softly tickling his skin. Though his head still felt like exploding, the fresh air felt unbelievable calming. After having walked for half an hour hpwever, his thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly heard sirens in the close distance, the sound slowly fading again. Not paying attention to it any further, he wouldn’t believe his eyes in shock when he suddenly made out several police vehicles standing in front of the shop in the distance.

Though his legs started shaking from sudden fear, he now ran with wide steps. Out of breath, and with a heavy feeling in his stomach, he opened the front front door to enter and found – a complete mess. Shelfs were down on the floor, items spread all around the floor, mostly broken. Clothes ripped, _was that blood?!_

And in all this mess he found the completely desolated and speechless owner of this very mess. A police officer patted his shoulder and handed him a paper. “Sir, if you feel worse later, I would advise you to seek a hospital as soon as possible. Please do not touch anything yet, we still need to secure any possible evidence if that is alright. We will come back to you as soon as we have any news. Do you have anyone you could call to accompany you? Someone that would be there for you at the moment?”

Sungjin just stood there looking at the ground when he found Younghyun standing there.

“Yes, I do” he now answered, a sad smile escaping his lips; a smile that broke his heart. It was only now that he saw the bruises on his forehead and lips. Even before the police officer left, he approached the elder with trembling legs but without any hesitation.


	14. Of Lovers, Family, Friends and Enemies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Actually, I just wanted to put some warnings for this chapter. The following will contain mentions of mental health issues and also light graphic descriptions of violence. No worries, there won't be anything too explicit, but as it is mentioned I thought I might put a warning beforehand.
> 
> And thanks so much to everyone for reading until here, it really means a lot to me!

_“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?”_

—

Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four

“Sungjin-“

“Don’t you dare to say anything.” For a second his heart scattered into pieces. “You told me you would help me and would be by my side-“

“Sungjin, listen I’m-“

“So, could you please just not say anything and hold me? Just for a second?”

Younghyun held him tight when Sungjin took a step closer and fell into his arms, his face buried in his shoulder. He probably thought Younghyun would not notice him crying, but the soft sobs he was hearing proofed him otherwise.

“I am so sorry Sungjin, I am so sorry.”

It was the hardest for Younghyun not to cry along; he should have been here, and he should have known. He had talked to the very same person who probably knew this was gonna happen just the day before.

“Tell me what happened, let’s sit in the back and…not look at this mess for a moment.” Sungjin removed his head from Younghyun’s shoulder and led them to the back, since the office was the only room they had not demolished; Even the stock room was one big mess.

Facing each other, Sungjin still couldn’t look into Younghyun’s eyes.

“It was business…as usual. I was in the back, my employee, you don’t know her yet, a very nice elderly lady in her late 60s, was at the desk and I was here in the back and suddenly I heard…screams, people shouting, things falling to the ground, and more screams. I went out immediately. There was this bunch of guys, all of them wearing masks. They were demolishing everything and beating up…oh god, Younghyun-“ Tears started to fall – again. Without hesitation he took both of Sungjin’s hands and held them tight.

“They pushed the lady at the counter to the floor and attacked two customers. Younghyun, I didn’t know where to start. I tried to get them off, but I was alone and one of them had a knife. God, Younghyun, I don’t even know whether all of them will make it through! There is this elder homeless grandpa who used to come here everyday, I even helped him to find a job just recently. He was about to start a new life. The other, she is a teenager, 16-years old, just as Dowoon back then, she came here because she felt safer here. They were only here because of me.”

“It’s not your fault Sungjin, it’s not your fault. They were at the wrong place at the wrong time. No need to blame yourself” he now laid both of his hands on his cheeks to wipe away the remaining tears. Though his eyes were swollen and drowned in tears, they were still beautiful, especially when Sungjin gave him a sad yet thankful and warm smile.

“Does anything hurt?”

“It’s not me-“

“I should worry about, I know I know.”

“I’m okay, my head hurts a little but-“

“Wait, I will get you-“

“Please… please stay Younghyun, would you?”

“Sure.”

“I missed you” he smiled sadly.

“I missed you too.”

“I know, I talked to Wonpil. Younghyun-“

“Let’s not talk about this today, mh?”

“Could I…maybe sleep at yours tonight?”

“At…at mine? Are you sure?”

“Yes, quite sure.”

“But you know you might meet my brother or parents?”

“Sure- nevermind, if you feel uncomfortable we don’t have to.”

“No, it’s alright.”

In all this mess Younghyun had not forgotten about his dad. And the photos. All this time he had held it in, and actually he hadn’t met his dad in person ever since. It was time to confront him but not with Sungjin around. Especially then. And if he went home with him tonight it might get awkward.

“I’m sure you would like to check on everyone at the hospital?”

“I have to.”

“No you don’t have to but as an empathetic human being you should I guess.”

“You- can be annoying you know that?”

“I Know.”

Sungjin finally grinned, though only for a short moment.

“Could you drive me?”

“Sure, but only under one condition.”

“Anything.”

“Get yourself a check-up too.”

“I’m fi-“

“Well, then you can drive yourself I guess?” His tone got indulgent almost.

“Okay, you won, I will.”

**

“I told you! You heard what the doctor said right?” Younghyun held the door for Sungjin when they left the hospital.

“Yes, staying in bed for five days, no exaggerated physical activities. No stress.”

“Exactly. And you know what? Maybe it’s good that you’re staying over then.”

“Do you want to tie me to your bed, or what?”

“Should I?” In all this misery saying this might be wrong, but at least Sungjin smirked back at him in confidence, just to shy away a second later.

“How about I-“

“What? What do you want to say?”

“Nothing, really. Oh look! We’ve arrived. I will just grab some things and come back okay?”

“Sure.”

Within minutes Sungjin got back into the car, just to arrive at his ten minutes later. And there it was again, this clenching feeling in his chest. If it wasn’t for Sungjin he wouldn’t be here, but it was for him, and only for him.

“No one’s here.”

_Luckily._

“Go up already and I will get something to drink and eat okay?”

“Sure.” With a sad smile he turned around and went up. As much as Sungjin was smiling, not so deep down he was hurting. Especially because the visit at the hospital hadn’t been good news, as one of them was still in a critical condition. How, just how could someone do something this cruel? Younghyun didn’t know either. After everything that happened, he wasn’t even so sure whether Royale Estate was behind all of this; following the apparent threat aka New Years greeting, it could have only been them. Whether Hunter was involved or not was another question. IF he actually was, that would be his end. And if Sungjin would want it or not, this would have consequences, and they wouldn’t get through with it. And if he would need to fight alone then that would be the case, and no one could stop him. Absent-mindedly he went to make hot chocolate and set up a pot of water onto the stove for the soup he was about to cook. When he entered his room, Sungjin rushed to pull down the sweater when he noticed Younghyun was entering.

“Sorry, I thought you were someone else...”

“Didn’t you grab your stuff? Isn’t that my yellow favourite sweater?” Younghyun grinned.

“Yes, it is, but-“

“But?”

“It’s warm and…” His face turned bright red “-it smells like you. Yellow doesn’t fit me, right?”

“You look adorable, as 50% of the time.”

“Aha, and the other 50%?”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes?”

With a wide grin he stepped closer and bowed down close to his ear.

“Sexy? Hot?”

“You are lowering your voice on purpose when you whisper, don’t you?” Sungjin now groaned in frustration and turned around with a pout.

“ _Now_ you look adorable. Would you now please just lie down?” Indulgently he put aside his blanket just for the elder to crawl under it and Younghyun to pull the blanket over him.

“Here, your hot chocolate.”

“Oh, thank you. You don’t have to leave, don’t you?”

“No worries, even if, I would stay.”

Slowly he sat down next to him, just for Sungjin to lean his head onto his shoulder.

“What did I do to deserve this Younghyun. The shop is my everything.” A bitter tone resonated in his voice. “It was them, right?”

“I don’t know but…we will find out, promised. Whoever did this, they won’t get away with it. I am so sorry, it’s-“

“Younghyun-“

“No. Your life is a mess because of me and there is nothing I could do.”

“Honestly? If you look at it, it would a bigger mess if you wouldn’t be with me. Because I guess this would have happened either way.”

“Still, I could- I’m just so mad about how everything goes. The only thing that is keeping me calm is you, believe me. What? What is it?”

“My head, it just hurts a little.”

“Close your eyes for a while and sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Are you sure?” Sungjin snuggled deeper into the blanket.

“Very much.” And he left with a soft forehead kiss.

While he was finishing the soup, he just hoped no one would get home. As he was cutting the last vegetables and put them into the soup, his hopes were gone when his dad suddenly entered.

“God Younghyun, finally! I haven’t seen you in days. Why are you so short in answer?”

He was sure if his dad wouldn’t stop talking, the chicken wouldn’t be the only thing boiling.

“Younghyun, answer me!”

“Seriously? You don’t know??”

“No. I wouldn’t be asking then, right? Do you think you could avoid all of this?”

“Dad, what are you talking about?”

“There…are rumours.”

His body stiffened, and he didn’t know what to answer. So Hunter had been right after all.

“Aha, what rumours?”

“Come on Younghyun, you know it. Don’t act like this.”

“Well, I guess that rumour is sleeping upstairs at the moment!” In anger Younghyun raised his voice to a point where he would be afraid that Sungjin would wake up. “And don’t you dare to act all surprised, you knew!”

“I didn’t know, I guessed.”

“Oho, you guessed! Weren’t the pictures clear enough?”

“Honestly? No.”

“So you took them?”

“No! I saw them when I was looking through the photos from New Year, really.”

“Dad, don’t you dare to lie to me. Everyone keeps lying to me and I am so sick of it.”

“I am not lying when I’m saying I didn’t take them okay??”

“And who else took them then?”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know because you know there is no other explanation, and now you are struggling to find a scapegoat for all of this.”

“Oh my god, how often do I need to tell you, NO! Do you know how it feels when your own son is being called a-“ His dad suddenly hesitated.

“A what.”

“Nevermind, but it still feels humiliating, degrading.”

“Oh, I’m humiliating you, SORRY.”

“What! You are the son of a leading estate group and the only initial heritor isn’t able to have children? To be a role model? I kind of understand why they are talking.”

“Wow. I’m not impotent, I’m- You know what? If I came out officially, I bet I would be just as much a role model. Not to majority, but maybe to a very important minority. It’s sad enough that I have to hide my relationship. You know what? If you kind of _understand those people_ , I wouldn’t want to be your son anymore. I bet you didn’t even defend me then. Mom would stand by my side, no matter what, she would have never let her son down. NEVER.”

Both of them were now shouting under tears, and Younghyun was certain they would say things they would regret later on. But all his anger, all his pressure, it wanted to get out, out of there.

“Defending you? How if there is nothing to defend! Andm your mom is dead, and she will never come back okay?? Damn it, Younghyun, grow up, you’re not seven anymore! You think your mom would be lucky to see you like this? Neglecting the company like this? Putting your family into negative light?”

“ _Like thi_ s _?_ Loving someone? Oh, what a shame. If you think like this of mom, I guess you never really knew her. You never read that letter, right? The letter she left for me once I turned 18. Dad, what I’m doing right now, is what mom always wanted me to be. I am sure of it.”

“No Younghyun, she would turn in her grave if she knew.”

“Take that back.”

“No.”

It took a lot to keep maintenance, to not break down in front of his dad. He was burning. Burning from anger, disappointment, sadness. Could he have been this wrong about his dad after all?

“I’m disappointed in you Younghyun. Look at Jae! At this stage I wish he was my son.”

“Are you out of your mind??” When he turned around, he saw Jae and his stepmom standing in the door, speechless, lost in words; they seemed to have just gotten back from work.

“What got into you?? This is not the man I married.” His mom sounded disappointed, angry almost. “Leave, okay? What are you cooking soup for darling?” His mom got closer, and somewhat he felt like he was ten years old all over again. Looking straight into his dad’s eyes, he started explaining.

“Sungjin. He is upstairs because his shop got destroyed in a raid, and people were almost killed. One customer is still in a critical condition. And I’m wondering who is behind this?”

“Is he okay? What-“ his mom asked, while his dad just stood there.

“He has to rest for one week but is alright – physically.”

Whatever look in his dad’s eyes it was, he couldn’t identify it. Was it anger, disappointment, confusion, sadness, regret, confession – he wouldn’t know. Luckily, he left just before he was to say anything else – and he broke down. In front of Jae, in front of his mom. He couldn’t do it anymore, everything. The things his dad had said had hurt to a point that wasn’t bearable anymore. Both of them now kneeled down to face him directly.

“Younghyun, listen. He didn’t mean it. You know your dad.”

“I thought so. Do you think the same? Am I a coward that is putting the company into bad reputation? A disregard to the family? Am I humiliating you too?”

“God Younghyun, never! How could we ever-“

“Dad said it. Right to my face. He _understands_ why everyone seems to be badmouthing me.”

“Okay, enough is enough.”

Younghyun didn’t have enough energy to keep his mom from leaving and running after his dad.

“Younghyun, listen.” Jae spoke with a soft voice, soft, calm, yet determined, and to his surprise suddenly grinned. “I know. I’ve been knowing it all along, Becca too. And mom too.”

“Wait, what??”

“You, Sungjin? He loves you, you love him? That weird thing you call being in love?”

“How-“

“Come on, you two weren’t that good at hiding it all along. I actually saw you in the office, I was upstairs to get another jacket on New Year’s Eve.”

“And you never said anything?

“Sorry…but please know, I’m on your side, whatever happens. And you know, I couldn’t even imagine having a greater brother than you.”

“Thanks Jae…”

“And now, don’t cry anymore. I guess Sungjin needs you more than ever-“

“Honestly? I know he needs me, but I need him as much. I need someone, someone to talk I- I feel like exploding, really. I haven’t been sleeping and feeling well during the past few weeks and I think what happened today just gave me the rest. I’m exhausted Jae, just very exhausted. I- There is this…this constant pressure on my chest, I feel like choking almost I think…I also think I had some kind of…attacks back then. Sungjin knows but we never talked about it again, but I kept thinking. I’m not okay, Jae.” He finished under tears, and slowly got up again.

“I always thought about telling dad, but every time I attempted, I backed up because dad…you know.”

“Hey, look at me. If it’s getting that bad Younghyun, get yourself help. You wouldn’t be the first one and you wouldn’t be the last one. Promised.”

“You’re talking as if-“

“Mom went to see a therapist after her divorce, and you know what? It helped. It might help you or it might not, but try. Because I guess you can’t really change anything around you at the moment.”

“Imagine what dad-

“Forget about him. You’re 25, and very much entitled to make your own decisions. And it will do only more harm to you in the long-run.”

A weak smile escaped Younghyun while he put the pot of soup off the stove.

“You know what? Maybe you’re right.”

“I know. And now go up. And don’t forget to tell Sungjin at some point, maybe not today but…somewhen, okay?”

“Yes, I will Jae. Guess you learned from your tiny…disagreement with Becca? And take some soup too yes?”

“Honestly? Yes. And if it wouldn’t be for Sungjin and you, I don’t know how things would have gone. And Sure, thanks. You oddly cook better than mom at times.”

“I will take that as a compliment then.”

“Okay, now leave. And if you want to talk, hit me up.”

“Thank you.” With a heavy heart he put everything onto a tray and brought it up, afraid that Sungjin might notice. He shouldn’t know, not now at least. Still half-asleep he suddenly turned. “Oh, I smell something delicious. No better way to be woken up.” He slowly got up and sat down on the sofa next to Younghyun.

“Hope it tastes alright. Thought you might need something to warm you up.”

“You cooked this??” In disbelief he tried of the soup. “I think I might need to marry you.”

“Was that an indirect proposal? I would say yes.”

After all what just happened warmth spread in his chest and it wasn’t unlikely his cheeks were blushing too. And what if? What if they would just leave everything behind and started somewhere new? At this stage he wasn’t even against it; Any place would do good.

“So, you’re expecting me to say yes as well?”

“Well-“ He now looked into his eyes; those eyes that felt like home all over again.

“Did you cry? Younghyun, you look terribly pale.”

“It was the onions.”

“You’re lying, but I will not force you to tell me something you’re not ready for.”

“Sungjin, you are having enough own worries.”

“I know, but my worries are your worries and your worries are mine.”

“Our lives are a mess, aren’t they?”

“Hell yes. But you know what? It’s great to have a constant. Let’s be a constant in each other’s life from now on, mh? It might not work out but let’s try.”

“Sounds like a plan. Sungjin?” He now looked at him straight.

“Yes?”

“I love you and I want you to know that I would never, never in my life, cheat on you or harm you in any way. I-“

“Stop Younghyun. I believe you, though I’m still not sure what happened but I trust you. And if you want to talk about it, please, please do so. In short: I love you too. And your chicken soup.”

Younghyun thought he was adorable when he was happily watching him enjoying his soup from the side. Though they were both hurting at the moment, everything seemed to hurt less when they were together. Maybe he should really tie him to his bed forever, and never let go.

“What is it, why are you staring?”

“Oh, I just thought about tying you to my bed.” Younghyun grinned jokingly, only for Sungjin to spill some soup while eating.

“You can, after we got married.”

“Okay. I will remind you.”

**

When Sungjin woke up the other morning, his head was still hurting like hell. What happened yesterday had left its traces; this instant fear he had felt when that raid happened, those screams, he would bet those would haunt him for the next days, weeks, years. Well, he would only need to enter his shop or…what once had been his shop. He couldn’t cry anymore; maybe that’s because he hadn’t fully realized what had happened?

“Good morning.” Younghyun now smiled at him sleepily, eyes still half closed.

Or maybe because he was with Younghyun. Anyhow, at least he was part of that reason, a good reason.

“Good morning, slept well?”

“Now that I look at it, yes. Breakfast?”

“Would love that.”

“Stay here, I will make some.”

“No, I need to get up for a second, please?”

Younghyun only sighed and agreed after begging him for a couple of times. Maybe he thought he was still not feeling comfortable with all of this, and somewhat he was right, but his family seemed nice, though he wasn’t so sure about his dad. He had given him presents; they had talked on New Year’s Eve, but there had been something about him. Maybe his dad wasn’t as okay with the situation as he pretended to be.

While they were eating breakfast, at some point, his mom and Jae joined.

“Sungjin, are you okay?” She now asked him, sounding sincerely worried. The way she called him by his name sounded as if she had accepted, and actually cared for him. Or maybe he just didn’t know anymore what it felt like to not have a mom around.

“Yes, I’m better. No worries.” He smiled back at her, when Jae joined the conversation.

“You know, I thought about it. We would have the means to go against them, IF it was them of course.”

“That’s nice but I’m not so sure if- I don’t know. I mean the police is already involved, but I didn’t tell them anything about _them_ yet. Maybe I should. Could we maybe not talk about it for a second?”

“Sure.” Younghyun’s mom softly caressed his hand.

“Younghyun, I didn’t have the chance to tell you yet but I’m proud of you okay? Nothing your dad said yesterday is true.” Her gaze was now fixed on Younghyun.

“Mom, please-“

Sungjin was confused. _Maybe that’s why yesterday-_

“It’s okay, continue. And you can tell me later Younghyun.” He hadn’t even noticed that Younghyun was holding his hand, visible to everyone, on the table. But he didn’t seem to care.

“Maybe it is? Maybe I should just leave the company after this.”

“And leave me alone?? Bro, you can’t do that!”

“But if I have everyone against me, even my own father, what should I do huh? I forgave him once, I understood him though I should have been mad, and this is how he pays me back? No thank you.”

He felt his grip getting tighter.

“He didn’t mean it. He loves you.”

“Did he say that to you?”

“No, he wasn’t but-“

“See? He went too far mom. Way too far. He said he wished Jae was his son instead of me. I guess that was clear enough.”

In shock he looked at Younghyun; there he had his reason for his behaviour. Just why hadn’t he told him yesterday?

“Talk this out. Your mom is still a sensitive topic to him, maybe he just overreacted.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Anyways, we support you, in any way. Both of you.”

“So they know?” Sungjin asked carefully.

“Yes, sorry if I told them without asking you but Jae saw us.”

“…Oups.”

Somewhat this was embarrassing to death, but the two acted entirely normal which made it a little easier for Sungjin.

“But still it would be better to not scream it out into the world, right?” Sungjin now proposed carefully.

“No, the less people know the better…you see where it could get us. And about Sungjin staying here…”

“I can ask Wonpil, no worries. Or…go home.”

“No, stay.” Younghyun’s mom now proposed. “Dad will be in Shanghai for the coming days, so no worries.”

“Talking about it, do you remember the meeting later?” Jae said, his mouth still stuffed with cereals.

“Oh yes, sure, I prepared the Presentation last night.”

And Sungjin wondered whether he even slept.

“Awesome, that’s one of the reasons why I can’t do it without you.”

“Nice try, bro. Alright, it’s kinda late. Sorry Sungjin, I need to leave you alone for a couple of hours.”

“No worries, I’m alright.”

“I’m doing home office today. I can look after him.” His mom now looked up from her newspaper.

“Thanks mom, that’s great.”

“Thank you but…I’m fi-“

“Yes, Sungjin, I know you’re fine, as always. But please, just take a rest for a couple of days, if not for yourself, for me. I will drop by the hospital, by the shop, Wonpil will come over later too, so…would you trust me?”

Okay, wow. He had not expected this tone; demanding, even a little upset. Maybe that’s because he knew him too well.

“Okay, just thank you then.”

“No problem, if I make lunch or tea for one or two doesn’t really make a difference anyway.”

“Hey Sungjin?” His gaze now met Younghyun’s directly.

“Yes?”

“Tell me if something is wrong or you need anything okay? Just call me.”

“Okay” He replied softly “Take care, Younghyun.”

“Love you” And against any expectations, and with his mom and Jae around, he placed a soft kiss in his forehead.

“Love you too.”

“Cringe.” Jae said jokingly and grabbed his bag. “Let’s leave?”

“Sure, love you too mom.”

“Love you son!”

And he was left alone with Younghyun’s mom.

“He must really love you. Younghyun I mean.” Her gaze turned soft as it got lost in the air.

“I guess he does, right?”

“You must know, once he likes someone or something, he really puts his all into it, sometimes even too much. He is someone that needs to be stopped from time to time.”

“Oh, I have noticed actually. Though my first impression really did him wrong.”

“Oh well, I guess I know what you mean. When his dad first introduced me to him, he wouldn’t smile. Why would he anyways, I was the new woman next to his dad. But you know, already on our second meeting he had painted me a picture and called me mom 2. He told me it’s okay and that it’s not my fault that his mom died, and that his dad is happy like this. And he befriended with Jae quickly. He’s a great person really. And seeing how he treats you, I can honestly say he loves you.”

Sungjin thought his ears and heart were melting away when he listened to his mom’s stories. Also, because he got to learn the Younghyun he knew was Younghyun 100%.

“A question: did he ever lie when he was little or even later?”

“Well, if he did, he did well. But no, he is quite honest at all times. He is a very bad liar and it really kills him if he lies to someone. Once he broke my favourite cup. When I asked him, he said he didn’t know, but I found him crying a few hours later and he confessed that it had been him. He was 14 years old. And if he lies, only to protect someone. He lied for Jae actually when they were teenagers so he wouldn’t get scolded. I still found out later or I just pretended I didn’t notice.”

Okay, if this hadn’t been proof enough to Sungjin, then he didn’t know either. Younghyun was Younghyun 100% and there doesn’t seem to be anything about him he was hiding, and if he did, then not for his own sake.

“I’m not really surprised. Sounds like the Younghyun I know.” Sungjin grinned and took another sip of his tea.

“And should I be honest with you, Sungjin? When you were here for the first time, I already noticed that you weren’t just a friend.”

“What? Why?”

“Younghyun didn’t lock the door to his room when you were asleep, and then also…it was just the way you looked at him.”

“Really? It was me?”

“Yes, actually you. His dad did not notice it as much, but he was sceptic. He…just doesn’t talk about it as much, you know? And I don’t know, their relationship has changed quite a lot over the past few weeks. I believe Younghyun always accepted that his dad wasn’t much of a big talker when it came to feelings, his mom, her death and- Sorry, I don’t want to bother you with all of this, Sungjin. Bob.” She now grinned sadly.

“No, it’s okay. I’m usually considered a good listener.”

“No, no I was just getting lost in thoughts. Please just ignore me. You know what? How about you go up and I will bring you a can of tea? I won’t accept a no anyway.”

“Sure, that would be great.”

Without any discussion he went back to Younghyun’s room, turned on the TV and tried his best to not get overwhelmed with everything that had happened so far, though it seemed impossible. And when he waited for Wonpil to arrive, he wouldn’t appear either. Maybe it was good for him to be alone for a couple of hours after all.

**

When the presentation finished, Younghyun rushed to get everything done and leave. On his way home he first passed by the hospital to be told by the doctor that everyone seemed to be out of danger, of which he hoped it would ease the elder’s heart a little. As for the shop, the police had finished securing evidence; it was a terrifying picture. The shop didn’t really look like anything that it had been before, and maybe, just maybe he would need to ask Wonpil and Becca to help him cleaning everything up if the police allowed it before the elder would get back here.

When he couldn’t reach Wonpil on his phone, he guessed he was with Sungjin. When he called and asked him however, Wonpil had never arrived, neither had Sungjin been able to contact him during the last half an hour. Immediately he made his way to Wonpil’s flat, but what awaited him there, was not what he expected. And something, that was hopefully nothing more than a bad dream.

The door to his flat was open, and the voices that he heard were not only his but also the voices of two police officers that were asking him to follow him. In disbelief Younghyun stared at Wonpil, who looked relieved when he entered.

“God Younghyun, tell them that it wasn’t me, seriously. How-“

“Wonpil, what happened??”

“We are suspecting him to behind the raid at Mr. Park’s shop. You must be Kang Younghyun then?”

“Y- yes, I am, what- this must be a mistake! Wonpil, this is a misunderstanding and we will solve this.”

“Mr Kang, it would be great if you could get to the station to give your statement as well, we also have some questions.”

“Sure, I…I will just go to the toilet quickly and drive there right away.” And they went outside. Still in shock, he quick-wittedly managed to grab Wonpil’s diary that he had seen him writing into every evening when he had been sleeping over last week, hoping he would find some kind of evidence for Wonpil’s innocence.

On his way to his car he almost slipped while he was quickly texting Sungjin.

_Younghyun: I guess I will be home later today._

_Sungjin: Why, what happened?_

“Well, I gotta find that out.”


End file.
